How have others coped at work during infertility and treatment?

[26birdsong]

No real question here but I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I’m struggling at work whilst going through infertility. Wondered how other people have found it. Did you carry on like normal, or find you weren’t coping?

I’m grateful that I have a lot of autonomy in my role, but with the stress and uncertainty and grief of TTC and infertility, I’ve become less and less productive. Infertility takes up so much of my headspace. I attend and participate in all meetings, feedback I get from managers is positive, but in any alone time I’m totally distracted. I spend ages either just zoning out or reading about fertility related things. Trying some different strategies to try and overcome this… I also see children as part of my job and find I’m dreading it - not because I don’t love working with children (and not related to not being able to have my own) but I just don’t feel like got the mental capacity to give it my all and then feel like I’m letting them down.

I dream about quitting work (not realistic for us as need the stable income!). I also dream of not going back to work after maternity leave if we ever get pregnant!

We haven’t even started IVF yet but done a year of other treatment, IVF now looks likely. I haven’t told work about what we’re going through but they know there’s “something” and I’ve had a fair bit of time off for appointments. The medication side effects have also affected how I’ve functioned. I’m thinking about sharing more with my manager but just not sure I want to as it feels so personal!

how has it been for others?

Ive had recurrent loss and undergoing IVF - it's had an unavoidable impact on work. Mostly this has been due to time off sick for loss. I've also had to take medication at work - and I work in a similar setting to a supermarket, where you can't just leave a checkout to do an injection without getting cover and permission. Because of this a decent amount of my colleagues have inferred what is going on. It's been hard as I don't like to talk about it.

As far as the actual work goes luckily in a customer facing, more manual, job you can't help but have to do the work. Sometimes I get really sad when I see families, I've had to run off to have a quiet moment in the bathroom etc.

Speak to HR. ALWAYS remember HR is there to support the business, not you, but luckily companies are so afraid of sex discrimination or pregnancy discrimination suits that they will want to be really careful to give you what you need.

Hi I am currently going through this and like you work in an industry where I have to see children. I have found it easier to be open with HR and my manager regarding treatment which has helped when I need to be more flexible with work hours or just a little bit distance on some days. Best of luck feel free to reach out if you have additional questions.

I’m currently going through this as well and I work in mental health which is really hard and triggering. I haven’t found a way of coping with it yet, but just wanted you to know you’re not alone 🫶🏻

Thank you both ❤️ seems we’re in a similar boat!

I’m debating whether to share more with my manager. They are kind and very supportive but don’t always “get it” when things are tough. It just feels so personal! So far for appts I’ve just said “medical appointment/procedure” and not given any more info, although I think it definitely comes across like I’m being a bit secret/cryptic! It might help for them to know why I’m not super productive but equally I’m not sure that they actually realise and it might not be helpful to point it out. So much to consider. I just want to get pregnant!