Would you accept in-laws’ offer to pay for IVF treatment?

[CrouchHigh6]

I’d really appreciate others opinions on this. My husband and I are dealing with secondary infertility. After trying to conceive for over two years and three miscarriages we are starting the process of IVF. It’s still early days for us and we’ve only just had the initial round of testing so it’s something we are still considering.

I’m a very open person so I don’t mind sharing this with others, however my husband was reluctant to tell his family. There’s no shame in it, if we were successful he would happily tell them, it’s more the awkwardness of the initial conversation.

At the weekend, PIL asked DH openly if we wanted a second. They were very honest about how much they love being grandparents and would love another grandchild, but also made it clear that it’s OK if we were going to stick with one. DH has two sisters but they are not going to have children, so they see us as their only possibility of having more grandchildren.

They offered to pay for our IVF. As anyone who has been though it will know it’s an expensive process and I won’t lie, it’s a tempting offer. We’ve saved, but it would still massively help us.

I just can’t help feeling it feels like a transaction, that they would be essentially “buying” a grandchild, which would add further stress to an already emotional situation. Especially as I have some uterine abnormalities I would rather keep private.

FWIW, DH and I have made our peace with possibly only having one. We just don’t want to look back in 10 years and regret not doing all we could for a second.

What would you do?

If they are otherwise great people, I would absolutely accept. If they were arseholes who would use it as leverage, I would refuse.

Thank you. This is where I’m conflicted. They are lovely people, but there’s no way my FIL won’t see this as a transaction. I don’t think he’d consciously hold it over us, but deep down I think he’d feel owed. My DH feels the same. He was an accountant so every thought he has is run through a cost/benefits analysis first.

If you want more babies and don’t have the money to pay for it yourself I’d absolutely take the money.
My parents gave me 25k for a cycle at ARGC, I’ll forever be grateful and don’t have one regret!

My mum and also partner's family offered and contributed towards our IVF costs, it's never felt like they had any sort of hold or any transactional feelings with our son thankfully. You and your DH know the in-laws best, if it feels right I'd definitely accept the help if you can 😊

My PIL paid for us and I would have taken that gift even if they were otherwise not that nice, even if I thought they might try to hold it over our heads etc etc. That's the best gift in the world in my opinion.

We don't have any living children though, I expect it's different when you are already parents.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate hearing from others who have gone through it. We had the consultation this morning and we need further testing to rule out anything obvious for the recurrent miscarriages, but it’s highly likely I’ll need surgery for a septated uterus so IVF isn’t a viable option for us until that’s sorted.