What helped you during IVF?

[InfertilityShminterfility]

We've got our first IVF/ICSI consultation tomorrow after 3+ years of TTC with no luck. We've both had tests etc so we're not brand new at this, but brand new in regard to treatment.

We're not dealing with it very well at all, both feel quite depressed and down in the dumps about, not positive at all.

Which practical things helped those who were in similar situations? Walks every day, writing down your feelings, booking trips, going out for dinner once a week, taking up a new hobby, breathing exercises, listening to podcasts etc etc.

I'm looking for stuff we can do daily/weekly that'll have a positive effect on our moods/just make us feel a bit less shit and help us manage all these negative feelings.

Any advice, please?

For me it was not telling too many people so I could switch off from it, but I know some ppl would prefer the oppsite.

I took each medication stage one at a time, the whole medication process was exactly 4 weeks for me.

happy after egg collection I felt quite groggy so was just relaxing and resting.
went back to work and worked the morning of transfer which also really helped to distract xx

I think trying to keep a bit of a life outside of IVF is important. I exercised for as long as I could as that's a big part of my life. Sometimes did a bit of journaling when I could be bothered. Tried to stick to a good routine and make sure I was sleeping well, getting some fresh air every day etc. Also I didn't feel guilty for prioritising myself and saying no to plans when I wasn't in the headspace or didn't feel I could commit to too far ahead.

I found booking trips etc a bit stressful as actually things change so much and you dont know when youre going to need to go in for extra scans or egg collection so there were lots of times we had to cancel things or cut them short and I found it actually added to the stress. So it was a bit hard to find that balance between 'not putting your life on hold' and being able to be flexible around the IVF. A bit of time away in the TWW can be nice though.

Agree with above as well - think about who you want to tell and how much. Our first round we were quite open and then as the rounds went on we gradually got a bit more private as the pressure of people asking didn't always help and people don't really understand and I think a lot of people just assume IVF = baby (e.g. before I'd even had my first egg collection, my mom was counting ahead to the 'March baby' we were going to have which just made me feel really pressured and even more of a failure when it didn't work out). I also regretted being too open about timings in the first round as then you have everyone analysing everything you do and second guessing if it has or hasn't worked.

Try not to shut your partner out either if you can help it. The burden and all the conversations naturally fall on the woman so it can be a bit easy to overlook the men and what theyre going through, and they do often process things quite differently. But try to keep communicating and supporting each other.

Best of luck!

Good advice above! I couldn’t work during actual ivf due to the work environment (chemicals and solvents, self employed) so honed my life down to a routine. I wasn’t doing my usual running as I was worried about impact, but went on very long exploratory walks in unfamiliar areas, started a hobby that involved the walks pressing plants and flowers found on them. So twee hehe but it felt good. Kept a rough diary. Primarily though I built my days around injections, and focused on the positivity of final action after so long waiting. It was a relief to be moving through the process, as gruelling as 4 rounds of bad news was (5th worked).

the part about your relationship is tricky. My dp was working long hours pretty much every full round of ivf, so wasn’t very involved. I did find it a little frustrating that all the research and responsibility fell on me (what we should try next, what clinic, supplements, changes etc) and that he didn’t have much of a comprehension of the process outside of what I explained to him. But then he dealt with life stuff for us that I shut out to minimise anxiety. So on reflection, it was a partnership. It just felt scary being the one responsible. Having nice dinners together and trying to remain positive together was how we coped. It’s easier said than done, but try see ivf as a way of finding out what’s up with your bodies, rather than ‘this will work first go’ which is way too much pressure, more, ‘we’ll get some answers from the first go and move ahead accordingly’. That way it’s not putting so much pressure on immediate outcome.

I hope your consultation appointment went well.

What helped us was that we appreciated all the small things, going for walks with our dogs, spending quality time together, less screen time, we worked on improving our diet to help with food egg and sperm quality, our communication to each other was so important, talking about what’s hard, what your looking forward to most, what you are feeling upset about, the whole world. Continue to live your life but learn to say no also, we selected what social events we wanted to go to, ensured that we was happy and keep your stress levels to an absolute minimum.. very difficult to do this when you worry about the process of ivf.

We make the decision not to tell anyone and our communication with each other made us grow to love each other even more.

I wish you all the luck in the world, it’s emotionally, mentally and physically challenging but with good support it makes it that little bit easier.

I did acupuncture, started yoga daily which I continued during pregnancy and post partum, fresh air, some good books, and I was involved with a new project at work which was a distraction and kept me busy. Take care xx

I told my friends, family and work. I would say that approach, for me, definitely helped more often than not, but it's very individual and also depends how supportive and understanding they are.

There are obviously some downsides - e.g. some people asked me about it when I really didn't feel like talking, some people were way too sympathetic and made me feel like a bit of a sob story (I hate people feeling sorry for me), etc.

But overall, it was good that people just knew that we might be struggling so I didn't have to put on a brave face. It was better than the alternative. Keeping something so massive bottled up for years would have done me in.

I also ended up changing jobs to something less stressful, which was possibly not the best move for my career, but was 100% the best move for my mental - and physical - health. It might have even ultimately helped us conceive, I don't know. If you're in a stressful job, just review it and think about whether it's what you really want at this point in your life.

Finally, do whatever you can to maintain your identity outside of IVF. I was lucky that I have a hobby I am extremely passionate about and can spend days on end immersing myself in, so I threw myself into that. If you have something like that, going at it full pelt can really help.

Good luck OP. There's no way to sugar coat that this is just a truly hideous journey to be on, and you need to do whatever you need to do to maintain your sanity and your sense of self. You can get through this xx