What is IVF really like?

[Bubbles14]

Hey I’m looking for honest reviews of how you found the experience, we are possibly due to start in April but there is an option of delaying a few months to keep trying naturally. I feel like I’ve waited so long and just desperately want a baby but trying to decide whether to wait or just plough ahead. Some of my friends who did IVF said they wish they had done it sooner but I know there are no guarantees. I’m about to turn 35, never been pregnant and we’re eligible for NHS funding.

Honestly it’s not as bad as you expect and I think most people wish the had done it sooner. I was a needlephobe and I got over it easily. It can be tough mentally waiting for updates on embryos/TWW etc but once you see it as a means to an end you will be grand x

I think it actually ok... if it works.. I reckon if it works first time then it would pretty much be easy enough. If you have to do more and more cycles then it gets emotionally exhausting. Don't expect it to work in the first go. I hope it does though. Good luck x

Mentally horrific if repeated failures.

I quite enjoyed my first cycle. Though I was off work at the time and childfree so could rest and relax. I liked the sense of purpose and momentum plus I oddly felt better on the drugs than my usual hormonal migraine self! It's gutting when it doesn't work but the actual process when it was with nhs so I didn't have to worry about paying for everything, was fine really.

I suppose it depends on the outcome. I only went though it once and it was successful so to me the ivf process was a positive experience. To be honest though if it had been unsuccessful the it would have been the result that was upsetting. I felt the process was fine. My stress was pre ivf as I had to loose quite a lot of weight in a short time to qualify. No issue with the rule and Idid it bit that was difficult

As others have said before - I found it nowhere near as hard as I’d thought, but that’s with it working.
I somewhat dissociated, just taking each bit of medication one at a time. My first day of meds til egg collection was 4 weeks, which is less than I expected (and not all of those days were injected meds)
I felt quite groggy after egg collection. It was Thursday morning and went back to work Monday which felt very manageable.
Then transferred Tuesday afternoon which was a lovely quick smooth and painless procedure
(Apart from needing a full bladder which I took too seriously and had to RUN to the toilet after ahah?

Once ivf started being something I was doing rather than a distant medical process, it became much less of a big deal - in a way enjoyable? Certainly better than waiting around, and great getting intel on what my body was doing. Like a poster above, I actually felt positive on the hormones (and I was on maximum protocol for two of my rounds). I have low egg reserve so did 5 full rounds, 7 if you count those cancelled at collection. The money pit was worrying after my nhs treatment ended but we’ll be slowly paying off a loan for some years which if my pregnancy brings me a child will be quite obviously worth it.

I found it physically ok, I hated needles so was nervous of that and was expecting to feel horrendous on the meds, but actually the stims drugs were fine for me (and I was on a high dose). Emotionally, i found it tough, going to scans and getting updates on follicle growth hard, and then the updates after embryo creation. If it goes well, it's obviously a lot better as a process! I was successful on my 2nd transfer so for me IVF was great, but I did find it very hard and emotionally draining- it took us 8 months from starting to successful transfer

The likelihood of IVF working on the first attempt is actually quite low for many people, even when there are no serious medical or known fertility issues. I was 39 when we started, and I was told I had about a 14% chance of success per cycle. I remember thinking, “What??” I had assumed it was this almost magical treatment that would just work straight away. In reality, for most people, it doesn’t, and multiple cycles are often needed.
The physical side (the needles, medications, scans) is manageable. What people don’t always talk about enough is the mental and emotional toll. That’s by far the hardest part of the whole process.

If you have been trying for a while with no success, don't wait anymore, start now. Eggs and outcomes only get worse with each cycle and year of your age.

Thanks so much for your replies everyone, so helpful to hear your experiences

Literally same here trying for almost two years I’ll be 36 in March and starting our first ivf cycle in early April. Very anxious but ready to plough through

i have high over on reserve and im really hopeful that i can retrieve enough eggs in the first cycle so that if first cycle fails i wont have to go through retrieval again just the other processes. Has anyone experience of this or how likely this is?

My advice is to do it sooner if you can and not keep prolonging it. You are only aging your eggs. In all honesty , each stim cycle is different, each egg retrieval is different and each recovery is different. its really about how you can manage your expectations also. First round of ivf isnt so bad especially if its going smoothly and or works after maybe the 1st or 2nd transfer. But prolonged treatment can be rough, your body starts to tire out, your belly gets bruised and tender from all the needles , your emotions get harder and harder to manage and sometimes it can consume you. But my advice is if it doesnt work straight away, right for as long as you can, because for majority of woman it does eventually work, you just have to find that one sticky egg.

I think its a very individual experience.
Personally , ive done two rounds and found them an absolute breeze but I do read some women have bad experiences with the process and meds

The hardest part of IVF for me has been the complete inability to plan anything. It's very difficult as you are almost constantly in a limbo state of - oh I might be on drugs then. Oh - I might be pregnant then. Oh - I can't really plan to be away then, as I might need to be around to have a nurse planning appointment. Etc etc etc. You have to be willing and able to drop everything to go to any appointment they offer you - becasue if you don't you might miss a window, leading to pushing treatment back ANOTHER cycle. I've had a reasonably hard time with the drug mood swings and that's heavily impacted on my willingness to do any form of socialising too (not that I've got many friends after the years of pregnancy loss and infertility!! - silver linings???).

If it works, it will be worth it. But if it never works it kills me how much of my current life is being sucked away by this. You trade your life now for a chance at the life you want in the future; it's a high price.

@MocktailMe that is very well put, I recognise a lot of what you’ve said.

Hi! I think i was 35 when I started. As most people on here have said the physical side is fine. You just kind of put up with that, and at least you feel poractive whilst you're doing it. I had 5 rounds (1 of which was cancelled), 5 transfers (inc. 1 fet), 1mmc (after a weird natural pregnancy), 1 cp.... and 1 baby! SO - i would do it all again in a heartbeat because of my amazing daughter (who is now 4.5yrs old).
What i would say is to prepare yourself for disappointment along the way (if that's at all possible) - maybe plan for something lovely / a treat to do if a cycle fails. We had various little trips away/ spas / nice meals (with wine!) that kind of helped us just regroup / reset.
And, bear in mind it's a bit of numbers game. I went into my first round naively thinking it was a magic pill. I even remember having a serious discussion with my OH just before 1st transfer about whether they should transfer 1 or 2 embryos - as if there was an actual chance of us having twins. LOL - needless to say both of those embyros failed seperately.
It's a journey for sure.... but if you get your miracle at the end of it, all of the sacrifices melt away. Really wish you lots of luck!
p.s. totally agree with one of the previous posters about not being able to plan anything. It's a pain!
p.p.s and also agree with not postponing for too long (took me 3yrs for a successful outcome).

I have low AMH and adenomyosis and we have never really been certain if we want kids but we are getting older and decided to just do it to save some embryos if we could. So I literally did it almost on a whim (sounds flippant, but we were offered it via insurance and thought why not, this wasn’t using NHS resource). I say this just to preface I was not that prepared, we just decided and went for it.

I was dreading it so hard. But it was absolutely fine. I dreaded the needles, but found them okay. In the end (after two rounds and a FET) I was doing them myself and if I’m honest found that easier than my husband doing it. When he was doing it (while it was lovely to relinquish that to him and also to have him involved and having a responsibility to bear while I was juggling time off work, regulating all the food I was eating, avoiding caffeine and alcohol etc etc) the anticipation of the needle was the worst part. Doing it myself it was effortless and I didn’t dread it as much.

In terms of side effects, I didn’t really have any. I felt okay, I didn’t bloat too much because I have low AMH, procedures weren’t uncomfortable etc. the hardest part is the anticipation. You get good news one day and bad the next. It goes like that for the duration. One day they scan and the follicles and growing well and you’re happy at how many you have and then the next scan they say some aren’t growing. You get told you have 16 follicles and then you’re disappointed at the collection when they only get 5. You get a date for egg collection and then they keep pushing it back for slow growth to try to get more (my experience only, ended up on stims for nearly 20 days on my second round) and you’re just so ready to be done and to stop juggling work and to get on with your life. Then the 5 days post collection are hard. Just because you’re on edge and distracted waiting for news but you have to get on with life.

I ended up going into it not really that bothered and coming out the other end devastated when we only got one embryo first round. It’s such an emotional ride. That is the hardest part. But if you have a good support network it helps. And if you are working so you’re kept busy as I think I would’ve gone mad if I was off. And doing lots of things that make you happy or keep you busy and distracted. You can’t do lots of things such as vigorous exercise, swimming, hot yoga etc, so things I normally would’ve done to relax or keep busy were taken away from me which didn’t help. I probably should’ve gone to the cinema to distract myself or hung out with friends more. But equally the advice I had from people was to not make any plans and just be kind to yourself. So I didn’t make plans during it deliberately.

It’s really not the hardest thing I’ve ever done physically, but I think what I learnt was that it is so different for everyone. It’s good to have people you know that have gone through it for advice, but you’ll read about some people getting 66 eggs at collection and you only get 5, or others getting pregnant first round and you’re on your third. So while it’s good to have access to people to ask questions as you’re going through it, you simply cannot compare. So don’t bother! I obsessed over forums to try and feel like I had some control but I would just get depressed reading other people doing ‘better’ than me, so if you can avoid it then don’t. It would’ve been so much better for my me during it.

I feel like I’m being a bit doom and gloom, but I really didn’t find it that bad at all. The worst thing is that I’ve put on weight that I can’t seem to lose. I’ve never carried weight before and I run and I exercise and it just won’t shift. My body feels totally changed, which I’ve never seen anyone else say. In saying that, no one else can see the change but I can feel it. That was hard for me, it felt a bit like what I imagine you feel like after pregnancy with the lack of control over your body. Which actually in a way is good preparation for that.

I think the final and most important thing is what people have already said, which is that it doesn’t work for everybody. I’m glad we did it because we would’ve kicked ourselves for not trying (and we do have a few embryos left) but I sortve thought ‘IVF = baby’ which it doesn’t necessarily. Be prepared for it to not work, if that is possible. You are in a weird situation where you absolutely have to have hope but equally need to not have hope so you’re not disappointed.

What you will certainly gain is an appreciation for anyone else that has gone through it and it will bring you closer to anyone you who has. And that is no bad thing. My husband and I are closer than ever having gone through it together. And he actually missed doing the injections when I took them on because it felt like he was a part of it and we were going through it together a bit more, but unfortunately due to work scheduling he couldn’t keep it up. Husbands and partners can feel a bit left out or their feelings forgotten, because so clearly the focus is on you as the one going through it. But they are going through that emotional ride too. So be kind to one another.

I wish you all the success - hope the IVF gods shine down on you and you have a really happy, successful time doing it and you get your baby at the end of it ❤️

Oh just to add, if I could do it again I would’ve prepped more. Eggs take 3 months to mature so I would’ve done my research, took the supplements and prepped my body for 3 months if I could’ve. I think I would’ve felt more like I had done everything I could then, which I didn’t. I decided maybe 6 weeks before, which is probably why I had better success in the second run.

I really wanted to avoid IVF and delayed it 6 months from our NHS referral, starting at age 36 after 3.5 years TTC. Once we got into it, the worst part was the emotional journey - the days after egg retrieval when you learn you have fewer and fewer embryos, waiting for calls from the clinic, are torture. The rest was unpleasant (think: you get VERY used to people shoving ultrasound wands inside you) but doable.

I don't wish I'd done it sooner, because I wanted to be really sure that this was our only real option before putting my body through it and taking on the slightly increased risks that come with an IVF pregnancy.

Be ready to do multiple rounds. Be aware of the odds for your age (I think it's around 40% per round, so it's not unusual for the first round to fail) and plan for multiple rounds. It's good to have a cut off amount of rounds in your head, e.g. 3,6 etc. You can always revisit that later if needed.

Physically, I had mild OHSS after my second round and that wasn't great, but it did pass quickly. You do get used to the injections and learn the tricks like numbing the area beforehand with ice packs.

I think my main advice is to make sure you take enough time out after egg retrieval and even during stims. Make sure your partner is lined up to support you too, there is so much information it's hard to keep track of and good if someone else can be there at appointments to take it in and sort presciptions, payment etc with you. My partner did all the injections and looked after the medication which was great.

Other things to consider:

I gained weight after my second round - doctors said this doesn't happen but 60% of people gain or lose weight, I'm pretty sure it's hormonal as my diet, lifestyle etc are identical - this meant I went into my pregnancy at a higher weight than I'd like. This wasn't major for me, tipping me just over 'normal' BMI, but maybe more of a consideration for others. NHS IVF will also want you to have a BMI under 30 in most areas before allowing you to start a round.

If you are 35 and want more than one child, consider that your eggs will never be younger than they are now. If you get pregnant after a few rounds you could easily be coming back for another child at 37/38. It may be cheaper to pay for an extra round now and bank than end up having to do 3 or 4 private rounds in 2 or 3 years. We banked 5 embryos (I'm currently pregnant so 4 left) and it has given me so much calm and emotional reassurance that I probably won't have to do the IVF process again.

The NHS aren't great at testing men. If there's any possibility sperm might not be top notch (any borderline motility or morphology results or they're talking about using ICSI), get some private testing for DNA fragmentation and a private urologist consultation. Jonathan Ramsey or Tet Yap in London are good. You will need 3 months to make any changes so do this before you start IVF if possible.

Last - depends what your NHS entitlement is but money can be a major issue. There are options for loans and funding packages if you end up doing private rounds, so it's worth exploring those early and start saving if you can.

@CMGC I had high ovarian reserve but only ended up with 2 embryos (one was aneuploid so not viable) from my first round. Unfortunately it does happen, your partner's sperm quality and that 'batch' of eggs are random each time. Had much better results on second round (10 embryos, 4 euploid). You may get a good first round though that gives you loads of embryos - I hope you do!

Thanks so much everyone, so helpful to hear about your experiences 🙂

Hi OP. We had ICSI 2022 which was successful first time. The process was OK, I didn't mind the injections because I'd had to do them prev when I broke my ankle. Understanding all the different meds timeline was a bit complicated and I did forget to take one med the first day but rang up and was reassured it was OK to start it the next day. The wait waiting to hear how many have survived to blast was the worst for me and it was demoralising with them dropping off during the week. Your privacy goes totally out the window with a lot of interval examinations, but everyone very professional. I actually had a burst ovarian cyst at 12 weeks which was extremely painful, felt like I was being stabbed! So I was in hospital for a week. The hospital said it was probably due to the IVF. But like I said baby was OK and he's now a 3yold little boy. Good luck!