Looking for support/success stories - diagnosed endometriosis & adenomyosis, relationship broken down aged 29.

[R232]

I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and significant diffuse adenomyosis. Had a recent laparoscopy, however, will need another shortly due to significant bowel involvement.

I have been so unwell over the past year - vomiting after sex, laying on a hard floor to take the weight off my pelvis etc. Lack of support from my partner of 10 years who didn’t even turn up to the hospital whilst I was in surgery, whinged when I appeared to be “not enjoying sex” (I was in agony), diagnosed with infertility (“what makes you think you would be such a great mother anyway”) has ultimately lead to me deciding to leave the relationship.

However, he is now playing on the fact I am “throwing away my only opportunity” at children if I leave him. I have cried many tears over the difficulties I may face with conception (given 5% chance or less) with no sympathy from him and I would desperately love to be a mum. I suppose I am just looking to see if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer some hope? In my mind even if I met someone quickly it would take 4+ years to be in a situation for children and by then I’ll be 33, followed by several years of probably failed attempts to conceive I can’t help but feel he is right that I have thrown my chance away :(

This has not been made any better by recent news stories about France sending letters to remind 29 year olds of their biological clocks and the horrific comment sections! For reference, my first gynae referral and diagnosis was 9 years ago and I’m still in the system :(

These are lowlife comments from him, you are doing the right thing by leaving.

Save up and freeze some eggs to give yourself peace of mind. Look into whether the NHS offers any assistance if the surgery will compromise your fertility, like for oncology patients.

Plenty of time to meet someone better and there is also a community of women who choose to be a SMBC (single mother by choice) and use donor sperm if necessary.

Sorry this sounds really tough. But I can confidently say that you are better off without him. If you do have children, their choice of father is probably one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. A guy who can be so uncaring and nasty when you’re at such a vulnerable point isn’t worthy of the job.

You’ve done the right thing to leave him and now I think you should cut contact so you can start to repair and move on without his nasty jibes making you doubt yourself.

It’s impossible to say what the future holds but you have options with starting a family as mentioned above. Time is on your side and you’re doing the right things to help your chances of becoming a mum. Keep going with the physical side of things but I’d also suggest fertility counselling to talk through the emotional side.

So sorry you're going through this, thats a lot to deal with physically and emotionally, and your partner should be there to look after and support you, not tear you down. I agree with PPs that you'd be better off without him, as hard as that decision is, but having kids with someone who won't look after you and support you won't help in the long run. Wishing you the best

You can’t know what your future will hold when it comes to having a family but, given your partner’s comments and behaviour, your present definitely contains an arsehole and your future will too if you stay with him.

He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you into staying by playing on something he knows you really want and are worried won’t happen. That’s not a healthy foundation for any relationship, let alone one that includes a child. You deserve a relationship where you are loved, cherished and looked after.

What a horrible man your ex is. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you well, who cares if you’re in pain, who supports you when you need it.

You’re still very young, you have time to meet someone and have children. In your 30s, lots of people do things quicker, eg move in, get married, have children, faster than in your 20s.
You wouldn’t want to have children with someone like your partner/ex anyhow. You want someone who loves and respects you and who will be a good father.

It’s perfectly possible to meet someone in your 30s. My marriage broke up in my 30s and I have Endo and despaired about having a family. Met my lovely partner soon after and now we are going through IVF. Hopefully it will work, but even if it doesn’t, I’d rather be with a good man living a happy life. Keeping everything crossed for you.