Brother is getting married in India, do we postpone treatment??

[AnnyDop]

Hi,
I really need some advice. We’ve been TTC for 5 years and going through ivf for 4 years, we’ve had 1 ectopic but aside from that not a hint of a positive test.
im 38 and my partner is 43 and I have severe endo and low amh.

My brother is getting married in India in a few months time and I’ve just been made aware of the Zika virus list and the at least 3 month delay to ivf treatment.

I was hoping we might be able to begin a round before we went and maybe have an embryo or two in the freezer, but our new clinic wants to do a lot of testing before we start (which after the amount of failure we’ve had i agree with), so that’s impossible now.

The question is, do we delay starting it all until probably around August sometime and go to the wedding, or do we make the difficult decision to put our fertility journey first? It’s adding a lot of extra stress on to an already stressful time… We’ve already paid for the flights, so will lose the money, but I’m more worried about upsetting my brother and his fiancée. I also know my family would be very upset if we didn’t go. What would you do in my position?

Its very much a personal decision. I missed my sisters wedding ceremony because I was getting an egg collection that day (though did go to the meal afterwards despite being uncomfortable and a bit out of it to be honest).

Her wedding was very low key though, and planned only a few months before as she was heavily pregnant. We'd done 4 failed IUIs and 1 egg collection that was a disater really, so we didn't want to wait. I thought I'd probably make it (she only lives an hour away and the wedding was just near her home) but I was on stims longer than I'd be expecting and the dates clashed.

I don't really regret it, but think it really depends on your family - a few years on I don't think anyone cares that I wasn't at the actual ceremony. But some families it would be a massive drama

I probably wouldnt delay treatement and tests purely due to age. I would want them done as early as possible and maybe you could get a cycle in before the wedding and then have a fet after the wedding or you might even be pregnant by the wedding if you go ahead with a full cycle. Im sure your family would understand that your own family as in your and your partner are trying to extend your family and thats more important then a destination wedding. If it turns out you cant make it due to treatment then you can always video call for the ceremony. But ultimately its up to you. I put me and my husband nd our needs and wants above anyone else unless its my kids and I make what I can work for them. But the family your creating comes before the family you came from.

So you'd have to wait 3 months after returning from India before starting treatment?

It sounds like that could add around half a year altogether, that's quite a lot.

Personally, having also been through 5 years of IVF, I'd put fertility first, especially given your ages.

It's a very difficult decision though and very individual.