Supporting my son & his partner.

[Fiddy1964]

Have just received news that their 2nd round of IVF has failed. Not really sure what to say to them and how best to support them.
They did get pregnant with 1st attempt at IVF but pregnancy failed to progress beyond 6 weeks.
Have just completed 2nd round of IVF , but negative pregnancy result.
Really at a loss how best to offer support. They live quite a distance away from me but still UK based.
Heartbroken for them and don't want to say/do the wrong thing.

Thats really thoughtful that your even asking for help in this matter. The best thing I can think of is ask what you can do for them. Maybe a cooked meal, a clean house, out for dinner. Its really hard to know what to do as ivf is very isolating for couples as no one else knows how it feels or what they have gone through. I would suggest to just listen and not respond with things like "it wasnt meant to be" or " you can try again" and other things along those lines. People dont realise exactly how horrible that is to say to someone who has put their body through trauma and spent their life savings for nothing to show at the end of it and sometimes there is no going again. I think just lending a shoulder to cry on, and being thoughtful and understanding, maybe lending a hand with some things to take life pressure off would be lovely. There really isnt alot you can do for them but make yourself available if they need to talk to someone. I wish I had people around me who are as thoughtful as you.

It’s such a horrible process, it’s difficult as there’s no control and boring you can really do to help. I would send up a little care package with treats or a restaurant voucher so they could maybe have a nice night. When we were struggling with infertility little gestures meant a lot. Sometimes I felt like talking about it but more often than not I didn’t

That’s very sad news. Every situation is unique, and some couples may need time to heal and recover. You could ask them how you can support them. If they want to share, start by simply listening. If they don’t feel like talking, give them space and wait until they’re ready to open up.