Please help!

[NightOwl08]

Hi everyone,
I’m a 39-year-old woman dealing with unexplained infertility, and my husband has been diagnosed with low-motility sperm. Our doctor has suggested that IVF might be the next step for us.
I have a basic understanding of how IVF works, but I feel completely overwhelmed about where to begin—especially with the cost being so high. Realistically, we may only be able to try once, maybe twice, and that adds so much pressure. On top of that, turning 40 soon makes me feel like time is slipping away faster than I can keep up.
If anyone has advice on the key things I should consider before starting IVF, or recommendations for good clinics, I would be so grateful. I’m based in West Berkshire.
Thank you so much for any guidance or personal experiences you’re willing to share. 💛

It is very overwhelming! I completely understand that feeling. Take a look at access fertility, they offer multi-round packages and I found them really helpful. I'm Manchester based so can't really recommend anywhere apart from where I used but there is no harm in calling around clinics to try get a feel for them! Good luck, also try and get every test possible before jumping into IVF as there may be other options for you x

Also, get your partner on Impryl as soon as, I do think it helps as well as the usual no drinking, less coffee, no tight underwear, hot baths etc x

We’re both unexplained so they only recommendations were really given was healthy Mediterranean diet and lifestyle and supplements- folic acid, vit d, coq10 600 and vaginal probiotic. I had Emma and Alice testing done but only after a few unsuccessful cycles/ losses but my microbiome was fine. They said it wouldn’t hurt to have the probiotics anyway though.

It’s hard as sometimes they learn new information after each round and can tweak things with your cycle (my first cycle was a flop as stimulation drugs were too low - I think sometimes their too conservative with ‘unexplained’ as on the face of it everything seems fine). Or other times it might just be a numbers game of finding the right embryo without needing to change anything else.

As they’ve identified a male factor issue it might just be that you need that helping hand of icsi and it’ll be fine, I know some couples this has worked for.

Do you qualify for an nhs round or going straight to private? If the waiting list isn’t too long think it would be worth trying your nhs round even if it’s a ‘learning’ round like mine. But appreciate private may mean starting sooner but potentially less rounds overall. I think the guidelines are 3 rounds are recommended but for some it takes fewer/ more.

The time/ age thing is hard as adds an extra pressure but it’s one factor you can’t control and you’re doing everything that you can. Sending lots of luck x

Hi, I second looking into supplements for your partner, reduce/cut out alcohol and caffeine, smoking, long cycle rides, hot baths/jacuzzi/laptop on lap etc. My husband and I both took ubiquinol in addition to other supplements. We are also unexplained and we went to Thérapie Fertility in Dublin. It seems to be a lot cheaper from our research, we haven't had any transfers yet but had a really good freeze all cycle a few months ago. They have a satellite clinic in London so you should be able to go there for any blood tests or scans. I also did my hycosy with them although I went to Dublin as their satellite clinic is brand new so wasn't open then. Will be using it for transfers though in the run up. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

Have you looked into NHS funding? I'm about to be 40 and I was told that for my area I get 2 free rounds on the NHS before the big birthday!

I'd recommend Emma the Embryologist to understand more about the ivf process and what to expect! She's on instagram and does Podcasts etc

Just to add on the podcast thing, there are so many good ones out there if you are in the right headspace for them, I loved Big Fat Negative, IVF Real Talk, IVF BFF, Infertile AF.

Good luck and I will explore the Thérapie Fertility. Thank you very much!

I think it varies from county to county. My GP said I will not be able to avail NHS fund.

Will check. thank you!

I will definitely check them. thank you!

You might want to consider ICSI rather than ivf I would imagine as my partner had the same problem and after one failed round for ivf ( which consisted of 5 transfer altogether) none work or were normal chromosomes .. two rounds of ICSI however and out of 7 embryos from the two round we got 2 Euploid (normal chromosomes) embryos and one I pregnant with now (11 weeks) wish we had done ICSI the 1st round and saved money /time and heart ache. I would also suggest PGTa testing any embryos.

you can get your partner and yourself on some COq10 .. helps sperm and egg quality and start as soon as you can as it takes up to 3 months for his sperm to show effects.

you can try gut probiotics to balance your uterus microbes and you can also ask for a uterine biopsy /Emma and Alice test / saline sonography to check the environment inside your uterus is ok for embryos and the shape of your uterus is ok… also ask for sticky blood tests.

you can also get your partner checked for sperm DNA fragmentation, supplements and lifestyle changes can help change this but it would be good to know what his levels are. He can also be checked for infection down there and check for a varicocele as this can be effecting his sperm.

Sorry if this seems a lot but it’s all the things I wish someone had told me at the start as we only learned to ask for these things along the way, after spending a lot of money and nearly 6 years of trying until we understood what the issues could have been. Don’t let the clinic just try transfer after transfer without doing tests as thats what happened to us and it was just a waste of time and money. They didn’t seem bothered to find the root cause just be a transfer factory basically and hope for the best.

best of luck for your journey

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for the encouragement, it means a lot x

Wishing you all the very best with your upcoming transfers, and thank you again for the kind words and encouragement 🤞💛

Sadly not in my county — funding isn’t offered over 37 here. It’s frustrating how much it varies by area, but I really appreciate you thinking of it and taking the time to comment 🤍

Thank you so much for sharing all of this — I can really feel how much hard-earned experience is behind your message, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to pass it on. It’s really helpful to know which tests to ask about and to be reminded to advocate for ourselves rather than just rushing into transfers. I’m sorry you had to learn all of this the hard way, but I’m very grateful you’ve shared it. Thank you again for the kindness and well wishes 💛

@NightOwl08 Glad I can help, it can be a long hard , emotional and worrying road for some people, my 1st miscarriage was when I was 36 and have been on this journey ever since , I turn 43 in two weeks and hopefully (fingers crossed) this is the one that works for us🤞🏽✨.. any other questions I would be happy to help if I can and remember your never alone you can always come to this group and it’s such a support. Keeping everything crossed for you .. good luck 🧡