Last few cycles before IVF

[DreamingSwan]

Due to start IVF NHS at the end of Jan at King’s Fertility.

Got my period today, beginning cycle 20 of trying naturally. Absolutely devastated even though I knew it was coming. Really dreamed of the miracle Christmas BFP and ringing the clinic to say we’re cancelling IVF. All my friends are super fertile and no one understands. I feel so alone. And foolish for having hope when it’s literally never happened before. Never had a whiff of a BFP. Now I’m on a negative spiral and convinced IVF isn’t going to work either.

Just looking for stories of people who never had a BFP and then IVF DID work, or people who conceived naturally after a long time. Any stories of hope at all. Because I’m starting to feel crushed.

(Also, the conception board is full of fertile people, faint line obsessives and people ttc their millionth child. The infertility board seems to be IVF only. Where is the infertility chat that isn’t purely about IVF? Am I missing something?)

Hey fellow King's IVF patient,
We had one miscarriage after 5 months of trying and then found my husband had severe MFI (between 0.1 and 0.4 million per ml) so had IVF. My siblings and cousins all got pregnant quickly so I was suspicious early on we had a problem. He doesn't have many sperm and I don't have many eggs so we weren't given a great prognosis but it turned out ok. We had a little boy with our NHS cycle and now back for a sibling round (after a failed FET).
It always makes me laugh when people say their AMH is low but they got 10/15 eggs on here...
With IVF you don't know until you try and King's are a very thorough evidence based clinic so you are in good hands.
Wishing you lots of luck xxx

IVF is no guarantee - 5th try and one BFP but miscarriage later and I wish I had told my self to start ASAP when I was younger.

Also infertility is crushingly lonely. You do see people with unexplained fertility getting pregnant on this board sometimes after failed IVF or sometimes people advertising meds they don't need as naturally pregnant. So it happens. You also see people after many cycles getting pregnant. IVF does work, but it's not quick, easy or fun, but it's how some people need to have a baby xxx

Sorry to hear that @PlanBFertility, sending you lots of unmumsnetty hugs xxx

Thank you—it’s scary not knowing how it’s going to be but I really hope we are lucky. Glad you think King’s are good. They messed up my admin slightly so I’m a bit nervous!

I’m so sorry for your loss and how difficult your journey has been. x

Yeah all clinics mess up admin and make you wait for appointments. It's kind of their thing 🙈🤪, one of the most stressful times in your life and you have to deal with it on top!
King's actually aren't too bad relative to other clinics, which I know seems crazy but having heard from other people it's a nightmare out there.
I know, it's terrifying. You never thought you would be here and you just really want a child. We all understand. It's horrible but normal.
If you can get some time off work, do. Don't try and work through it, unless you have to (I did first cycle and FET and in hindsight it was too much). If you tell your boss, then you do get some protection, but it is quite awkward!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you! We have unexplained infertility, never even a hint of a second line, and had a freeze all cycle in August and are hoping to start transferring from February. It's really really hard and as others have said there are no guarantees, but I got to a point just before IVF started where I thought that I didn't want to get pregnant naturally at this exact moment because I had already come so far with the IVF prep (mentally as much as everything else), I might as well try and bank some embryos. Of course I understand that not every cycle leads to embryos to bank and that even if there are some in the freezer they might never work but it helped me reframe things a bit to try and see potential positives (no pun intended). But because we have never had a pregnancy at all in the time we've been trying and no official diagnosis I understand the feeling of 'why would this work?' Sometimes I torture myself with the thought that we might have made a perfect blast like the ones in the freezer now every single month of trying but the issue is after that point, but there is only one way to find out and at least then we can tell ourselves we've tried everything.

It was a nightmare—they told us we weren’t funded and as I was sobbing down the phone to my husband they called me to say they’d misread my notes and actually I was funded! Absolute rollercoaster 🤣🤣🤣 I laugh now, I cried a lot at the time!
Great advice re: not working. Is this the kind of thing that can be taken as mental health leave (ie can the GP sign you off)? I guess it would depend on work policy. I am reluctant to use annual leave.

@DreamingSwan 4+ years ttc. After first (failed) round of ivf we got our first spontaneous positive, ended in mmc. Another failed round, then we’re about to pay for first private round when had second spontaneous pregnancy. Ended as ectopic. Had three rounds (and two cancelled rounds) all this year. I’ve gone from max stims (NHS) to mild, then to natural modified, most eggs I got in one round was 5, got 1 egg twice. Most recent round (lowest stims) we made a high quality blast (our only ever) and currently 11 weeks pregnant. EPAU have given me many scans considering my history, and just two days ago I saw the baby’s toes sticking up in the air. Just to say, that it could take a while and a lot of pain but even then, there’s still hope. I’m a few weeks off 40 and my 2nd was due on my birthday. So glad to have a viable pregnancy to see me over that milestone. Best of luck.

I see what you mean re: wanting to do IVF and bank embryos. TBH when I thought I might be pregnant this cycle (stupid hopeful brain) there was a bit of me that was worried I’d cancel the IVF and then if I lost the pregnancy I’d be back to square one. I just want to get on with the treatment now.
All the best of luck to you.

I would say, cried a lot at the time and then laughed afterwards is a good tag line for IVF! It is quite the rollercoaster.
So glad you got your funding though, I think King's is a really solid option for an NHS round, so fingers crossed!
I haven't actually been signed off for IVF but I think GPs are generally very kind with fertility treatment and will discuss options with you. I heard from a friend they can write something generic like 'medical treatment'. I wish I had done it and if I need another cycle, I will definitely do so.
Hear you on annual leave, infertility is so tough, you don't want to be using your precious leave on treatment. I think it really is the time to put yourself first, so definitely give it some thought.

Oh gosh OP - I could’ve written your post almost word for word.
After 3 years of TTC, we’re starting IVF on my next cycle in January.
I want to give it one last shot this month to try to conceive naturally as I’ve heard the stories of people falling pregnant at the last moment.
It is my husband who has issues with his morphology which is why we have to do IVF.
My emotions are all over the place at the moment - I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I lost 5 stone to be eligible for NHS funding, had to keep it off for 6 months and then our funding was approved after 3 weeks. We postponed to January as were both incredibly busy with work.
I haven’t told my work as I’m currently on a maternity cover contract, and think it will hinder my chance for them to keep me on. We have a fertility policy and great enhanced maternity pay policy but I just don’t think I can not tell my manager.
I had annual leave booked for January but just cancelled it as work is just going to be so busy in January - I stupidly thought that I could just work around the IVF.
But I think I do just need the time off entirely to make sure I’m not stressed with work and not putting my body through unnecessary strain trying to manage it all.
I am sure they’ll be understanding but there’s still a risk. And I actually work in HR by the way!
Good luck for January - 2026 will be a great year for both of us with hopefully lovely autumn babies 🥰

Hello OP, I’m also starting my first IVF cycle in January - also NHS but at Guy’s.

I get what you mean about the board being all detail about ivf- which when you’re waiting to get referred etc doesn’t mean much- also can make it feel like you’re not part of the fertile club or the ivf club, not being able to relate to either group!

A friend told me to get unpaid leave for period after embryo transfer, to know that you’re avoiding stress in that window of time. It is very hard asking work- and also not really knowing how it will be juggling everything.

All I can say is best of luck . I was trying for over 3 years with nothing but one late traumatic miscarriage before I did ivf. I found trying naturally far more stressful in the end than ivf. At least with ivf you have professionals who are with you all the way providing advice and trying to get to the bottom of what is wrong. I know it’s hard for a lot of people but I had no side effects to the injections and found egg collection a breeze. The worst thing about it is all the waiting around for results. I must add that I worked through all of mine and I only took 1 day off for egg collection. I prefer working and being distracted. I honestly don’t think stress levels affect it seriously if it did mine wouldn’t have worked cos I was super stressed but it did. I wish you all the best.

Hi Dolly, sorry for the slow reply. That sounds so tough and stressful. I really feel for you—morphology is all they’ve found with us too. Although I suspect I may have uninvestigated endo. That’s another story!
I hope you manage to find a way forward with your job and getting the time off you need.
Here’s to staying positive for our first rounds!

Hi Looking. Sorry for slow reply!
Agreed… It would be nice if there was a board for talking about the emotional side of long haul TTC and not just fertility treatments…
How are you feeling about your treatment? Do you have a diagnosis?

Wow that’s amazing it worked on your first try! I think everyone is different re: whether work is a useful distraction or not. I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to feel in that regard so we will just have to wait and see!
Thanks for sharing your story.

@DreamingSwan a lot of people doing IVF have never had a BFP and IVF is exactly the process to overcome that. Something like ICSI or bypassing tubes is often an instant game changer.

Do you already know all of your hormonal stats?

Hi @DreamingSwan

I just found out I’m starting buserelin on the 11th and have my first scan on the 26th January. I’ve been cycling through lots of emotions! Glad to have the dates as something slightly more concrete after IVF seeming so distant and uncertain for so long. But also very scared.

How are you feeling about it? Do you have any dates yet?

I have severe endometriosis and had surgery twice last year relating to that- one emergency. How about you?

Big love to you ❤We're currently TTC and have had no luck yet so I definitely share your feelings. It's really tough. And so rubbish when everyone around you gets pregnant quickly! I would look up Chessie King on instagram, she recently did IVF and was successful first try which I found very comforting.

Two good pieces of advice I got given recently - try and take things one month at a time. If I thought too far ahead I would get upset as I would think about not being pregnant by then, so focusing on the month I'm in has been really helpful. The other is around getting things in the calendar to look forward too, to make sure we're not just sat at home being sad. It's obviously a bit annoying because I would rather be pregnant, but if I'm not then when I get to whatever fun thing I've plan then I'm glad about it.

Out of interest, how did you get referred for NHS IVF before 2 years? Was it due to your husbands morphology? We decided to get testing done privately as I was really struggling mentally and his morphology is an issue, so if this means we can get NHS IVF sooner then that would be one positive.

@DreamingSwanhow are you doing? Are you still due to start at the end of January?
I started down reg a week ago. I’ve had some side effects but have been proud of myself for doing the jabs etc. Hope you’re feeling ok about it all.

Hi Looking! Sorry for the slow reply, I’ve been a bit down about everything. I start stims tonight (no down reg) and it feels surreal. How are you getting on?

Good luck with your first injections for Stims @DreamingSwan

I think I felt most stressed/upset/confused before starting. In a way it’s easier once you’re within the process?

I mean, there are still so many unknowns and unquantifiables once you start- but I think the hazy and scary idea of having to inject yourself is in many ways worse than the reality. It is such a weird thing to have to do and it definitely doesn’t help how few people seem to understand what it all entails!

I really am looking forward to the end of injections hopefully in a few days, although not to the fact that it might end in disappointment…

I’m hoping for egg retrieval on Friday. Hope you feel ok this evening! Look after yourself.

@DreamingSwan hope your first day of stims goes smoothly!

I was on cycle 27 when I did my NHS round last year and had never seen a positive test, I also really hoped I’d be one of these people who gets one just before starting but it never happened. Amazingly I got pregnant for the first time ever from our round but sadly it ended in miscarriage. It has given me hope though as it obviously bypassed something, so we are about to embark on a 2nd round. Clinic did IVF resulting in only 4 of my 14 eggs fertilising, so we’ll be trying ICSI next time.

We are dealing with low morphology too, but also potentially age related issues as I’m now a fossil.