IVF cold feet

[heatherberry]

We've been TTC for 5 years... No pregnancy during that time. We were referred on NHS for fertility help 18 months ago, and have finally reached the stage of applying for NHS IVF funding (I guess still have a couple of hurdles to cross!)
However during all this time, Ive independently come to terms with a childless future. Everything was so slow that it just felt like it would never happen.
So now we're at the final stop before IVF treatment starts, I feel super anxious about maternity leave pay (Im only offered SMP), whether my house is big enough, how will we afford a child, child care, maintaining my career.
I'm sure these are all normal worries.... But can anyone share tips on how you manage financially with having children??
I do have a well paid job, but my mortgage is very expensive for our flat, food is expensive etc so the thought of managing on SMP is scary unless I go back to work 4 weeks later.

what is your partner’s view?

@heatherberry if you're lucky enough to be successful first round you have a year to save. You might have longer. If you really had second thoughts midway you could consider pausing and freezing your embryos (though that might mean you have to fund the storage).

All normal worries but just remember you still have a ways away before you have a baby to care for so you have time to save some money for the future and to get your head around how work and family life will work for you personally. I think right now if you choose to go forward with ivf just concentrate on next steps of the process because ivf can become overwhelming if trying to do and think of everything all at once.

If you earn less than 100k you can get 30 free hours from when they’re 9months old. Depending on where you live costs can still be high but it makes it a lot more affordable. I don’t know if you’d be entitled to any universal credit along with smp but could be worth checking too. Do you have a partner? If so, remember you’re in this together so don’t take the load of figuring out the financials alone.

Babies/ kids do need stuff but they can be loved and well cared for without spending a fortune. When they’re little they just want you. Vinted and pre-loved stuff can be great and a lot of baby stuff is only used for a short time so lots is nearly new. As others have said you have time to save too. And some of your other expenses e.g. going out for meals etc are likely to change with a baby anyway as your lifestyle will be different.

Saying all that if you have changed your mind that’s totally ok. But wondering if as you say it is just cold feet or maybe a defence mechanism if you’re scared it might not work. (We tried for a long time to get pregnant with our second child and I’d got myself so used to the idea of being a family of 3 and all the benefits of that, that the prospect of being a family of 4 feels like an adjustment while of course feeling incredibly fortunate). IVF can be wonderful but also heartbreaking so it’s natural to try to protect yourself from that.