26 months of ttc

[CalmHam]

Hi All
Im just really down and looking for a boost.
We have been ttc for 26 months im 32 my husband is 34 . We have been for all the test and medically there is no reason we cant get pregnant. We have secondary Unexplained infertility. (We have a 3 year old)

We have also done 2 rounds of stimulated iui which were unsuccessful as well.
Do I just need to give up? I didnt want a 4 year gap and I feel like my life is consumed by not been able to get pregnant. I get really down when I see babies and other people tell me they are pregnant i just want to be sick .
Our next step would be ivf which is obviously really expensive and honestly I don't know if I can deal with another disappointment. Ive tried hypnosis ive done counselling but im just bloody miserable and feel like a massive failure and like im letting my little girl down by not giving her a sibling.

Has anyone had natural success after this long?

Thank you in advance

Ok breathe. Lots of people are only children and they love it, research has shown that only children are happier in the long term so your daughter will be fine. I think kids overestimate the idea of a sibling, most of them argue and fight and it's a nightmare to get them to get along. You're also both still very young and have time to conceive naturally if that's in the cards for you. To add, 4 year gap is not bad, there's no gap that's bad. Me and my brother are 11 and a half years apart (mum had me at 22 and him at 33) and we get on better than my fiance and his siblings who are all 2 years spaced out. I actually much preferred being an only child, and I'm glad I had my parents full attention through my childhood. You're really focusing on the wrong things here, absolutely nothing wrong with having just one kid and you definitely shouldn't beat yourself up about disappointing a 4 year old. I know people want different things but even having one is amazing and she won't miss something she's never had! I think the bottom line is you want another child, and if that's it and you feel so strongly about it then you should try IVF to have peace of mind. I'd highly recommend getting the embryos PGT-A tested cause there might be a genetic fault that's causing them not to stick, which can easily be identified with this test and increase the chances of IVF working. Good luck!

Don't give up unless you genuinely feel you don't want to go on. And please don't feel a 'failure' for any of this.

26 months is really not a long time. It feels so long while you are going through it, and it's rotten. But it's not that long.

When you say you've done all the tests, what do you mean? Like @zirafica, I would wonder if there's something that hasn't shown up yet.

I also agree with her that there's no 'bad' gap. I'm going to have more than nine years between DD and her sibling; if you'd asked me what gap I wanted I'd never have said nine years! But now we're doing it, it actually feels as if it'll be lovely. I suspect whatever gap you have would have good things and bad things. And definitely, there's no reason to feel bad for your DD that she didn't get a sibling ... she'll be fine!

All I can say is that I’ve been there and I know how crap it is. Had my first dc at 32 (conceived first cycle) and started trying for the second at 34 and was trying for over 3 years with no luck apart from one mmc. Did Ivf at 37 and it worked first try. I now have 2 boys with a 5 year age gap. It’s not what I planned but that’s life (there are actually lots of benefits to a larger age gap as well I’ve discovered in ways it’s been great ). Had lots of investigations and I still have no idea why I couldn’t get pregnant second time around . I will say this, I wish I tried IVF sooner. It is expensive but even if it doesn’t work it can give answers about why it’s not happening. I did a few monitored cycles but skipped iui (waste of time in my opinion as were the monitored cycles). If you can afford it and want a second child I would say get a consultation for IVF sooner rather than later (though you have age on your side at 32 for sure ) . It’s not even that different to iui if you have been through that already. Best of luck with it all.

Thank you for your replies. To be honest with it been Unexplained we went with stimulated IUI as it was way cheaper than IVF but I agree it was a complete waste of time took all the medication and felt horrible and really it didn't benefit me as I have regular cycles anyway it was just for the Clinics timings.
Ive had multiple blood tests to show im ovulating, ultrasound scans, xray tube tests. Everything has come back normal. Husband has had blood test and sperm analysis also normal.
Im so grateful I have my daughter she is just amazing. And I agree a bigger age gap is better than no second child. And my sister has 3 children 2 years between each and ive seen how hard and stressful that is. Im just really down and sad that we have no clarity on why it isnt happening and I dont know what the best thing to do is? Spend all of our savings on ivf with no gaurentees or just accept we are only having one and just embrace and do everything with her. (Which i do)

We have seen private and nhs doctors and all have said well just try for another 6 months to a year then come back. Yet when you look online after a year you should seek help .

Sorry about your mmc.

Thank you again for your replies it means a lot that you have took the time to help. Im getting sick of myself now haha

I was the same it was a big decision but I took the gamble I thought if it didn’t work it would at least give me some closure. I knew I was ovulating too they could see it on the scans. I had a high amh for my age etc . As I say I still don’t know why it didn’t happen naturally. With the ivf they are putting the eggs and sperm together and there is a lot of waiting around between the different stages which is stressful (like finding out how many eggs you get , how many are mature, how many embryos make it etc) then I did pgta so I had to wait 6 weeks to find out how many were normal. That was tough but less stressful than trying naturally in my opinion, I found the trying naturally very difficult with my period arriving month after month and dealing with it alone. At least with the ivf I had professionals there who could give me answers (and with iui you are going in blind and they cant see what is happening). You could look into the access programme which does refundable cycles if they don’t work. I looked into it but wasn’t able to do it at my clinic with the pgta.