Loss / HG / Pregnancy and the Panic

[Hotchocolateandsnowing]

I have posted this in the pregnancy thread but no responses.

We have been trying for a second for a few years. We have experienced a TFMR, MMC, chemical pregnancies, 2 life threatening situations etc.

I am sad but relieved every month I’m not pregnant. Just found out I’m pregnant and the panic is starting to set in.

I have such negative thoughts that I might as well end the pregnancy as it’s never going to end in a healthy baby anyway. I have spoke to my therapist about this and it makes sense, my body is protecting itself as I do believe I might die or we will have another miscarriage. I’m not excited, I’m scared.

I have also suffered from HG in other pregnancies and the idea of going through that isn’t ideal either. I have started my medication already.

I don’t feel happy, I just keep thinking if I’m going to miscarry just get it over and done with soon. I feel like I’m two different people when pregnant and not pregnant.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a normal reaction after loss?

Hi Op

Kindly I think you will get more support on another board, wait for replies on pregnancy.

Posters here are desperate to be pregnant and carry to term. I speak for myself when I say I cannot relate to your situation and have no advice to give. Maybe I have misunderstood, but your post sounds like you are repeatedly trying but then relieved each month you are not pregnant and now that you are, you dont know what to do? I definitely cannot relate to that!!

I think being scared or nervous during pregnancy is perfectly normal. But this isn’t really the board for support with a huge level of anxiety. A professional councillor sounds like a step in the right direction.

Hi OP. I am recently pregnant from IVF, I'm 5 weeks 1 day. Before IVF I have lost 5 pregnancies (MMCs, ectopic, spontaneous MCs). I resonate with a lot of what you're saying. Its incredibly difficult. Obviously I am very happy to be pregnant, its why we did IVF (obvi lol) but I find it soooo hard to ever imagine that its going to work out for us, because all we've ever had is bad news and bad outcomes.

Its really good you're in therapy and you are talking about it.

I also suggest Zoe Clarks Coates book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pregnancy-After-Loss-day-day/dp/1409195945/ref=asc_df_1409195945/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13410425673634352439&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045848&hvtargid=pla-2281435177178&psc=1&mcid=473b063e67e0313bafe87fd54fa6668e&th=1&psc=1&hvocijid=13410425673634352439-1409195945-&hvexpln=74&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13410425673634352439&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045848&hvtargid=pla-2281435177178&psc=1&gad_source=1

And I also joined the charity 'Willow's Rainbow Box', and they send you support and affirmation cards etc. Its really good.

To reassure you - in my opinion, what you're feeling is 'normal'. Its horrible, but it is not something that makes you weird/a freak/negative. You're just a human being responding to something extremely traumatic. Please be kind to yourself, its much easier said than done but pregnancy after loss is SO hard. You're doing amazingly. We're all just trying to guard our hearts I think xxxx

I want a baby I don’t want to be pregnant due to the issues we have had in the past. I cried on Sunday that i wasnt pregnant, had a faint test and was excited for a few hours then the panic set in.

I spoke to the miscarriage association yesterday they said my feelings are really common with reoccurring loss and near death experiences.

i guess I just wanted to reply to say that what I’ve been told is my feeling are normal. Expecting to it all to go wrong as it’s all gone wrong so many times before is normal. Incase anyone finds this post in the future.