So my sister in law (who I was close to, but she was horrible to my mum and sister on the lead up to my wedding, made both my mum and sister cry on my wedding day and as soon as my wedding was over she stopped talking to me and when I got a dog she refused to even meet him - she has a dog herself lol) is getting married abroad in April 2026 and she asked me to be a bridesmaid to keep the family happy. I have barely spoken to her in a year so she had no idea that my husband and I are starting the proceedings of IVF. I reluctantly agreed because she asked me in front of a group of friends at a pub…at someone else’s birthday which I think is wrong personally! Two weeks prior I had a miscarriage, so I just went ahead and said yes because I wasn’t thinking properly to be honest.
She organised a dress night for everyone to go to hers and try their dresses on (7 months before the wedding) so that she could make sure they were all the ‘right shade of black’ and she wanted to make sure the dresses were ‘flattering’. I had told her I wasn’t going to be able to make this night on two occasions leading up because we were going to book a last minute holiday and likely it would clash, so I said I would order a dress and send her photos (we live 3 hours from eachother) but she said photos was not possible, because she wanted everyone in a line up. Anyway, that’s when I told her I booked the holiday because that would be our last time away before starting IVF and my stress levels were through the roof. My hair has been falling out, losing weight etc.
I told her that we had booked the holiday I was telling her multiple times about and she went mental. So I ended up telling her the entire situation, all she could reply with was ‘you should have asked for my permission before booking the holiday’. This was my final straw as she has been really awful the last year, for example, at a family meal she sat next to me and had her back to me the entire time, didn’t say a word to me, this was the day after we got our puppy!! I told her I’m not coping well with our situation and I need to be able to fully focus on myself. Also just to be clear, she’s having three hen dos, a week of events in Marbella and their wedding, then a second UK wedding a month after.
I really just need to seperate myself from her as she’s told all my husbands family and her bridesmaids I’ve never met, about our infertility when we hadn’t shared with them yet, and they’ve sadly still taken her side and they aren’t speaking with me because I should have called to ask for her permission.
I said to my husband that if she and his brother can’t be supportive of our IVF journey, I won’t want them to meet our baby when we are so lucky to have one! How do I tell her I can’t be a bridesmaid? There is a lot more to this story also, the brother in law calls and shouts at us all the time for any reason, calling us poor, screamed at us because we bought his mums birthday present (large food hamper) and was going to give it after her holiday as it was a big food hamper box and we couldn’t get chance to see her before her holiday so we organised to see her after her birthday/holiday! He wrote a nasty message on the family WhatsApp in front of all the step siblings to me about how horrible I am for not giving his mum her gift…it was a really expensive hamper and we called multiple times to try and see her before her holiday but it wasn’t possible…Thank you xx