FET experiences - pain

[Iggilypiggily]

Hi everyone,

I am planning a FET in October / early November and I am feeling quite apprehensive. I have had two previous cervical surgeries and so have a lot of scar tissue and some cervical stenosis. I wasn’t aware of this until I had a saline sonogram which was the worst pain Ive ever experienced. The dr said that it was because I was ‘pretty closed’ when she was trying to insert the catheter, but that I was ‘nice and open’ afterwards (no bloody wonder after she used extreme force to push it through). I’ve since had to have a hysteroscopy and a very gentle and caring male dr tried five times and was unable to get into my uterus using local anaesthetic so we had to do it under general. I might add I took diazepam, strong cocodamol and local anaesthetic and it was still extremely painful during the local attempts. When I woke up from that the general the pain was unbearable.

Obviously a FET requires a catheter via cervix in same manner as those procedures, and I am actually terrified. I am scared that they won’t be able to gain entry leading to it being abandoned and also that it will be an incredibly stressful situation. I’ve voiced this before and it was sortve dismissed as it won’t be a problem (by the female butcher who did the saline), and would really rather not do it under sedation as it would remove the lovely experience it is supposed to be from my husband and I that I have been looking forward to. To be honest, I think all the endless poking around down there during two rounds IVF has made me more traumatised rather than getting used to it.

Has anyone had any similar experiences with a positive FET?

I think I’m just generally quite pissed off that women have to put up with such horrible treatment and have to fight for pain relief - if men were having these procedure done I wouldn’t doubt that they would get offered pain relief without a second thought.

So sorry you’ve been through all that, sounds awful. It’s no wonder you’re feeling apprehensive! I’ve not experienced the pain but have had a number of FETs and it’s a nice moment but don’t think it’s worth the stress and pain of not going under sedation if that’s your preference. It’s all over pretty quickly. My partner wasn’t even there for two of my transfers due to Covid!
Can you get a video of your embryo? That’s a nice bit I think seeing it up close. And you can still have that nervous excitement afterwards leaving the hospital when you know it’s in there and hoping it’ll be getting settled in.
If you want to be awake can you do a practice transfer and perhaps ease some anxiety that way?

Thank you so much for that, I really appreciate it. And that is good to know! It’s always painted as such a lovely moment so I feel like I didn’t want to miss out. We have already been stripped of so many experiences that (seem) pretty universal when it comes to starting a family and so I didn’t want to be stripped of this IVF experience too! But that is good to know. You didn’t find it uncomfortable? Sorry you had to go through some alone! Covid was a very funny time.

I am also not sure if I am just becoming very tense which is making this worse. But this will be my fourth sedation this year, so I’ve got the sedation thing nailed! A practice is a good idea. I just don’t love the idea of embryo entering the uterus in a very stressful situation! Sedation would mean embryo slides into a happy, carefree womb rather than one that feels under attack!

Sorry you've had such stressful and painful experiences, you're right that women are just meant to suck it up and men absolutely would get offered proper pain relief! I haven't experiences the discomfort you have, my 2 FETs were fine but the speculum and catheter going in a little uncomfortable for a moment for me. Tbh I didn't find the transfer itself that big a moment - it was nice to see the embryo on a screen before it was popped in but couldn't really see anything when it was being actually shot in (for the first one I was looking in the wrong place but the 2nd one even though I sort of saw it was a bit anticlimactic). If sedation would make it all a lot more bearable and stress free I would do that and ask for a picture/video as PP said

I'm so sorry you've had those horrible experiences. FWIW, I've just had one and I found it painful but not more so than a smear test; I am aware I do tend to find these things hurt, and it certainly wasn't awful. But we're all different.

When you say 'the lovely experience it is supposed to be from my husband and I that I have been looking forward to' - no! Please do not feel guilty that you're 'supposed' to feel a certain way. I think clinics push this - mine certainly did and I was quite angry about it - because, cynically, they want to keep people feeling hopeful and excited. And those things are nice, but it is far more important that you are pain-free. If that means sedation, go with the sedation!

The way I see it ... yes, you can make it into a special moment, but if you're got pregnant naturally, at the stage when the baby is a 5-day blast you'd probably be washing the dishes or running for the bus or whatever.

I definitely share your anger about medical misogyny as a general thing.

ive had two FET and they were uncomfortable, not painful. Like a smear test but I was told to go with a full bladder so I was absolutely about to pop so between trying to hold my pee and pop legs in stirrups, relax my foof so the speculum doesn’t hurt as much and try to enjoy the moment… 🙄😬 It’s beautiful because you have that hope but it’s not a beautiful moment because of what they’re doing. I found it hard to get emotional because all I could think about was how much I needed to pee! I would also recommend a test run because they’ll defrost an embryo the morning of, what happens if they can’t do it? Can they refreeze or is it then no good?

Yes and I think that’s the most important part. If you’re feeling stressed and tense and in pain is it actually going to be a magical moment anyway?! In the tww you’ll have a million thoughts in your head, being stressed at the point of transfer could potentially play on your mind at a time when you’re trying to be as relaxed as you can.

You’re right, ivf does take so much and for that reason I think we’ve just got to each do what we need to to get through it. It can be tough physically and emotionally so why give ourselves an extra challenge of needing to enjoy it too, just getting through it is enough. But getting through it in a way that prioritises your needs, comfort and autonomy.

I’ve found it a bit uncomfortable like a smear test but not painful. Having a full bladder and trying not to wee (while they do an abdominal scan or put the speculum in takes a bit of focus!) and then just being completely still as they put it in (I always end up holding my breath!) Despite these things it can be a nice hopeful moment but as I said over pretty quick and for me not worth the trade off of being stressed and in pain. The happy carefree environment is way more important.

Now if only there was a way to be sedated for the full tww rollercoaster…!

What a horrible experience that you have been through and I 100% agree that woman are forced to go through painful procedures and not be offered pain relief, still some doctors today will tell you that the cervix has no nerve ending therefore unable to feel anything but this is absolutely a load of bull and woman all over the world know that having any procedure done around or through the cervix can be extremely painful and uncomfortable..

My personally experience for the actual fet it wasnt uncomfortable at all and honestly there is nothing magical about having your feet in the air showing your lady parts to 5 other spectators in the room lol all you see on the screen is bubbles entering your uterus that surround the embryo but the embryo itself is microscopic and you will not see that on the ultrasound screen. I have done 3 fet on my own without my partner and no one felt left out as far as I know. We celebrate as a family for making it to transfer by going out for dinner and icecream and my husband watches me go mad for the next 2ww while we wait for our beta. Honestly if you need to be sedated for the transfer for comfort and calming then do that, I promise the after math is just as special when you come too and know that your transfer went smoothly and you have a little embryo on board.

Thanks so much everyone for your very reassuring words! ❤️ I really appreciate everyone taking the time and I am feeling a little more positive now. Now I’m feeling more positive about it I’m left feeling a tad concerned I’m putting all my focus on how uncomfortable I am going to be for the procedure as a way to distract myself from thinking about the aftermath and the potential negative outcome, but hey ho. And yes! Sedate me for the 2ww! Knock me out for the whole thing and wake me up once the results are in any day!

Wouldn't it be great if they could?!

Seriously though - if you are worrying about the procedure as a displacement activity, don't beat yourself up. It is rough, isn't it, and I think our brains are pretty good at knowing when we need some distraction. There's nothing bad about that IMO.

I am just updating here for anyone that might use the thread in future, but I’ve just had my apointment with the clinic today and they have offered the option of a faux transfer at my scan. To test discomfort and also to see if they can gain access (seeing as my cervix was too closed on the hysteroscopy and needed a larger catheter). I had said to them I was worried about pain but also worried they would not be able to gain entry and it will all be a waste. This way they can test entry and I can test pain levels, and then we can go for sedation if needs be! So I’m feeling much better. Honestly can’t thank you all enough!

Now… does anyone have advice for first FET? Starting meds on Wednesday. And dos or don’t or things that you feel helped success??

I'm so pleased for you - that sounds like such a sensible and helpful response from them. Here's hoping it works well!

I've no idea what does or doesn't work with a transfer ... the thing I clung to, though, was that almost all the research I've read suggests there's very little you can do - there's no good evidence that if you're stressed it'll do any harm, or if you drink a cup of coffee, or whatever else. Personally I found this really helpful, because otherwise I would have got so caught up with worrying.

Good luck!

I remember being suprised when everyone I’d spoke to said that the transfer is not painful- I too have a lot of scar tissue only mine is from endometriosis and the first time I had the transfer it was awful, I’m talking tears running down my face and gripping the sides of the bed, it was a really severe pain that caused awful cramping for a couple of days after as well. It was worse because they were rummaging around for so long trying to get access while I was in agony. What helped was the next time having a trial transfer where nothing goes through the catheter like you’re doing- you can tell them to stop any time and have a little break if it’s too much, and for me they left very detailed instructions for the next person on technique, size of catheter etc, essentially a road map for how to get in! This meant my next transfer was not painless but certainly quick and I didn’t need the gas and air that was on hand.

I hope that helps and doesn’t scare you as the trial transfer will allow them to take their time with it and fully tailor the procedure to you ready for the big day! I would still say it isn’t the most magical moment (for me personally as my head was somewhere else in a happy place where there wasn’t rummaging going on down there), our clinic gave us a photo of the embryo to keep. Very best of luck!

Thank you so much for your comment @Dylan8523! I got off the phone to the clinic and then I happened to see it and it firmed up my decision to have it under sedation. What you described was exactly what I experienced for the saline sonogram! Your comment made me relive it and it cemented the decision for me.

Unfortunately we can’t do a mock transfer in the same cycle it turns out. So we discussed postponing vs ploughing through. The nurse said if they were struggling to gain entry due to the stenosis they would just use a ‘stiffer catheter’ and the words made my uterus recoil… so those two things combined has made it very clear that sedation is the only way!

I have suspected endometriosis, so that combined with the scar tissue is the likely cause of the pain. So I am right there empathising with you! Sorry you had such a horrible experience and I can relate 100%. My experience was horrendous to the point I actually considered scrapping IVF altogether. I was shouting out like a woman in labour.

And thank you so much everyone for all your transfer tips. I cannot help but just assume this is going to fail as it seems the odds are against me, so I am just eating healthily and trying to be restful and avoid stress in anticipation.

Hi there, I know this is an old post but just wondered how you got on @Iggilypiggily ? Am also worried about the pain of a transfer due to tilted cervix and some recent difficultly after a surgical miscarriage that made finding and entering the cervix difficult. Anyway, would love to know if you had the sedation and how you found it in the end. Thank you!

Hi @Cornwall1988, I'm not the OP but I remember before my transfer telling the nurse "oh by the way I have a very retroverted uterus" and she said it wouldn't be a problem. Turned out I have, according to her, the most retroverted uterus she has ever come across in thirty years of practice. However, you'll be happy to hear that the transfer still wasn't painful, they just tipped me almost completely backwards so I was practically on my head!

Thanks so much for your reply @girljulian , that’s really reassuring to hear. I guess they must have lots of strategies up their sleeves to use for all different types of people they see. Thank you again :)

Hi @Cornwall1988 - apologies, only just seeing this! I went with my gut in the end and did it under sedation. Don’t regret it one bit as it was easy peasy. Woke up, no discomfort. She said access was very easy, but something tells me that was because I was sedated and that if I was awake it would still be horrendous. So I would do it again and again. My transfer failed, however, so I will likely be trying again! Hope if you’ve done it already it worked out okay for you and if you haven’t I would just do the sedation if you can! Best way to ease any nerves. My way of thinking of it was that I didn’t want my little embryo being inserted into an environment that was already stressed and had been for weeks leading up to it. Knowing I was being sedated meant I was worry free.

Thanks for your reply @Iggilypiggily. I’m glad that the process under sedation put you at ease - but sorry to hear the transfer didn’t work this time. Fingers crossed for the next! I havnt had mine yet but am pretty sure I would go with sedation too. I’ve always found smear tests painful enough so I think something like this which is such a delicate process, I’d be much better off being asleep and fully relaxed!

Just wanted to update…I had a mock ET to see what it would be like if we get to a real transfer and was actually a lot better than I had anticipated. No more uncomfortable than a smear or even less so compared to some I’ve had. The doctor was very compassionate and reassuring throughout which helped. Obviously everyone is different but thought I’d update in case that helps anyone feeling apprehensive.