Offered £11k pay rise but TTC for 2 years - what would you do?

[TwoYearsTooLong]

Hi all,

I could really use some outside perspective.

I’m 30 and my partner and I have been TTC for two years. He had a varicocele operation in June and his semen analysis has improved a lot since then. We’re trying naturally until December when he has his next test, and from there we’ll decide whether to proceed with ICSI.

At the same time, I’ve just been offered a new role at a new firm with an £11k salary increase and a much better title. On paper it’s a great step up, but I’m torn about whether to take it while we’re TTC.

Part of me thinks:

• Extra money would be very helpful with a baby on the way.
• Career progression is always good and it’s where I would be happy to settle for the rest of my career.

But I also worry about:

• Starting a new job and then almost immediately going on maternity leave (of course we would be ecstatic, but more so that I wouldn’t qualify for statutory maternity pay).
• Not qualifying for their enhanced maternity package (6.5 months full pay) if I fall pregnant before May 2026. My current company offers 9 months full pay and I would qualify now.
• The stress of adjusting to a new role while TTC.

I feel like it’s now or never career-wise, but also now or never baby-wise. And either way, we don’t plan on delaying trying any longer.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Would you take the job, or stay put for stability while TTC? For context, I wanted to leave my current company two years ago but told myself “I’ll be pregnant soon”… and here I still am.

Thanks in advance - any advice or experiences much appreciated.

As long as you can afford statutory mat leave I would go for it. I vaguely remember applying for a job thinking 'oh dear I won't quality for enhanced mat leave' and that was probably 4 years or so ago 🤣 needless to say it wasn't an issue. If you get pregnant before May 2026 you'll be over the moon (and could save the pay rise between now and the start of maternity leave). The only thing that would make me think twice is if you have a lot of flexibility in your current role which will come in handy with IVF. But if you wanted to leave 2 years ago I'd personally just do it. Best of luck with everything but TTC in particular!!

Thank you so much for your response – it really means a lot.

To answer your question, it would definitely be a bit of a stretch on just statutory maternity pay, but we could make it work if we had to. My current role is very flexible, and my manager knows about our TTC journey (including my partner’s operation), so she’s been really understanding.

One other factor is that my current role is 3 days in the office and 2 from home, whereas the new role would be 4 in the office and only 1 from home, with no flexibility on that. So it’s definitely something I need to weigh up alongside the financial and career side of things.

Wishing you the best of luck with everything too - we will get there ♥️

As you're only 30 I think take the job and deal with whatever happens. You aren't on the clock in terms of fertility so you could delay transfer if you do the IVF route.

I agree with this 100%.

I'd say go for it, we put our lives on hold when TTC/going through fertility treatment and there's unfortunately no guarantees! I get this because I'm in limbo at the moment, wanting a new job but not daring to risk it just incase I get pregnant, also been saying it for 2 years! However, if an opportunity presented itself I would go for it now and I'm due an IVF transfer in 2 weeks 😋good luck in whatever you decide x

Take the job. I'm 9 years in to my journey, 4 miscarriages and a neonatal death. Not saying my story is the norm but don't miss out on life opportunities you want for the "just in case".

I know you probably didn't mean for that to come across patronising and I understand where you’re coming from, however, that said, just because someone is ‘only 30’ doesn’t mean the timeline feels the same for everyone. When you’re longing for a baby, it can be hard to feel like time is on your side, no matter your age x

@waitingforourmiracle it's a bit of a reach to find the message patronising. Plainly it means there aren't objective time factors that might be in play if a lot older. There is a big difference between an internal sense of wanting to get a move on and the door actually closing.

Take the job. Even if you can’t afford to go without the maternity package and would have to delay TTC, I think take the job. You could still be TTC 6 months from now and regretting passing up the job. Putting your life on hold while TTC or undergoing fertility treatment is a fast track to resentment.

@sirensong Like I said, I know it probably didn't mean to come across as patronising... As a 30 year old myself who has gone through 2 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages I've had many people say to me "your only 30 there's still time" I instantly get my back up. Maybe I'm being sensitive because of what I've been through but the phrase ONLY 30 really grates on me :)

@TwoYearsTooLong it’s a tough decision. I think it depends on how your current job makes you feel. If you have flexibility (IVF appointments do need a lot of flex) and it’s tolerable and doesn’t make you stressed, I would personally hold tight. It can be really tough to have that flex when you first start a new company + being on probation can be really tricky. You also can’t guarantee what type of environment/manager you’re walking into. Sometimes we think the grass is always greener but sometimes it’s not. Draw up your list of pros/cons and talk to your partner before you make a decision x

@waitingforourmiracle realise TTC can be difficult at any age but time (as in rapidly reducing egg quality) is not an external factor for you either unless you have premature ovarian insufficiency. Which doesn't mean your struggle is no biggie, but, for example, there can be blanket existential terror for people early 40s who aren't getting results and are dealing with the reality of no own eggs plan B. In some cases waiting 6 months to transfer an embryo wouldn't be ideal, in case further retrievals were needed; the delay could materially impact chances. Simply - that is fortunately not the case for the majority of 30 year olds.

Also, if wasn't at all part of my initial meaning but actually 30 year olds should be told very loudly that they are still young, as often people only realise this retrospectively. I remember having very high internal standards and feeling panicky at that age - like I should have already achieved more. In reality it was nonsense and everything was still to play for.

Take the job. I stayed in one job longer than I should have and then took a sideways step because I kept thinking 'oh I'll be pregnant soon, not being stressed and having flexibility will help'. Not to be a downer but I'm not pregnant and it's nearly 5 years later. This could be a longer journey than you anticipate. Plus, if you end up doing IVF, if you don't get pregnant using any NHS-funded rounds or if you want to be pregnant more quickly and they have a long referral time, you'll appreciate having that extra money to pay for it! Don't put your life on hold for infertility. Thankfully I have now got a better (and better paid) job but I definitely regretted it at a certain point.

Another vote to take the job.

I thought the same 4 years ago and I’m still here, still not pregnant. My job offers a lot of flexibility which is my main reason for staying as if I did get pregnant it would be a breeze managing childcare. However, I’m on the cusp of facing a future without children so each time something fails or is extended in the treatment cycle I regret staying where I am professionally.

It’s a tough one for sure.