I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had 2 ivf losses and at times have felt completely hopeless. Miscarriage is horrible and it adds an extra layer to it when the pregnancy was so hard fought for in the first place. It’s so fresh right now and it sounds cliched but you need time to grieve. I’ll never forget what happened but it doesn’t feel as raw with the passing of time. I hope you’ll find this with time too.
Does your clinic offer counselling? That helped me, along with connecting with others online, I’ve also heard the worst girl gang podcast can be good but haven’t listened myself. It can feel very lonely as it’s not a shared grief in the same way as when someone already born passes, you might not have even told many people about the pregnancy which can be difficult too. But trying to connect and talk to people made me feel a bit less alone and helped give some hope for the future. And information was helpful for me, understanding some of the stats, understanding any further tests or tweaks we could try, just to have some element of control when it felt like things weee falling apart.
This helped me to try again when I felt ready (as I could be) but the hope was also mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety too. I still have hope it’s just more complicated now.
I’m currently pregnant so don’t know if there’ll be a happy ending this time but I have hope that there could be. I feel I have to. I’m trying to be factual with myself that I’m doing what I can but ultimately it will work or it won’t and I can’t change that so I might as well try to feel hopeful if I can.
Take good care of yourself and do what you need to do to get through this time xx