Anyone else feeling this way about IVF

[ByPoliteBee]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been trying to conceive for over 4 years now and have never had a pregnancy. Unfortunately, my clinic delayed my treatment due to a miscommunication error on their side, which meant I had to go through the process of lodging a complaint. Because of that, I’ve have had the medication since early June but still haven’t been able to start.

I was due to get my period in about 10 days, but it came this weekend and caught me off guard. Honestly, I thought there was a small chance I could have been pregnant this month, so it really hit me hard. I ovulated on day 25 and period arrived on day 29. We don't have an explanation as to what may be preventing us from conceiving. To make things more complicated, my best friend just found out she’s pregnant after 3 months of trying. She’s been nothing but supportive, but I’m struggling with how heavy it feels, especially alongside the constant stream of social media announcements.

Right now, I’m just exhausted. There have been so many delays and frustrations, and I haven’t even started the IVF process yet. I keep feeling like it’s my fault somehow, and I don’t know how to navigate this stage anymore. It’s like being stuck in a weird grey area, life on hold, chasing something I have no control over. The guilt creeps in for every misstep, and people around me tiptoe like I’m fragile.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this way. That sinking feeling of being on your own, not knowing how to move forward. I’m really just looking for some company in all of this, a place where the messy feelings are okay.

Hi.
I’m feeling very much the same.
my situation is slightly different. We’ve been trying for 4 years, went through 5 cycles of IVF last year and only got pregnant once, but miscarried
we’re looking to do a fresh transfer at the end of the year, but I just feel down. Everyone around me is moving on, getting pregnant and I feel stuck. I feel down a lot, and very alone.

Yup!

I feel exactly the same. Ive found this forum so helpful just reading other people’s experiences of navigating the feelings.

Of my close friends 3 have now got married, tried for varying lengths of time (first month for one) and now have their babies, one has even finished her maternity and is now back at work, I remain in the now 3rd year of not wanting to plan things too far ahead etc monthly disappointment etc

It all weighs heavy, especially the side of guilt I feel for being jealous even though I’m happy for them. I have now stopped attending baby showers, christenings and first birthdays as I just can’t fake it anymore. It’s become a lot easier since I was honest about why. They invite me, I politely decline and we all move on. I can do hang outs with the children, it’s just the ‘events’ I find really hard. Two in particular as they align with a miscarriage so birthday etc reminds me of what could have been.

Those are friends though and understand, there is the odd comment that hurts but comes from a place of support without true understanding and I’ve learnt to let it go and assume their intention was good. I do occasionally get caught off guard by acquaintances or strangers sharing news, it doesnt hurt as much, but I am always shocked by how it negatively affects me. Full on stomach flips and racing heart in some cases.

I totally understand the exhausted feeling.

There is honestly nothing in my life I could complain about, I have a lovely group of friends and family, my husband is amazing, we both have stable jobs and a lovely home. It kills me daily that I am so unhappy because I am not pregnant, then I feel guilty for being ungrateful. I’m still have negative thoughts most days about it all.

The only advice I have is to feel what you’re feeling, and have a read on here as there are 100s if not 1000s of women feeling exactly the same. It allowed me some solace that I’m not a horrible person for feeling like I do. We’re definitely not alone!

I have accepted that my feelings are normal for this situation, it’s how you treat people, not how you think that matters. So I’ve been honest with my friends how baby showers etc affect me and our relationships are survivable for the time being. I dont attend but send a card. Less feelings of my guts twisting that way. I basically had a panic attack when a friend expectedly handed me a scan picture, I’m now confident none of them would do that again. I think I’ve come a long way!

Hi @ByPoliteBee I have absolutely felt this way. Everything says that you shouldn’t put your life on hold but it’s really not that easy when you are constantly monitoring cycles, thinking about upcoming treatment etc.

Pregnancy announcements are the worst; I can think of many unpleasant things I’d rather endure. Depending on who it is and the context, my reaction feels largely out of my control. I’m sure my face must say it all.

Personally, I have found it easier now that my IVF is in motion because that gives me a focus, but I understand the feeling of being in limbo and I hope that doesn’t last too much longer for you. It’s such a tough place to be, I never anticipated how hard it would be :(

Oh, my lovely, I just want to say how truly sorry I am for everything you’re going through right now. Reading your message brought me right back to those impossible days of waiting, hoping, feeling like the whole world was moving on without me while I was stuck in place. That “grey area” you describe is something I know well, as do so many others here. Sending you a big hug

I hear you all so much. It’s such a heavy place to sit in, feeling stuck while everyone else seems to be moving forward. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that — it’s just so much to carry.

I’m having a bit of a week myself where I feel completely drained by the everyday and almost resigned to things not working out. It makes it hard to even look forward sometimes. I think it helps just being honest and knowing we’re not alone in feeling like this. Sending you lots of love and hoping the heaviness eases a little for both of us soon. 💛

How did you cope with the lead-up to treatment? I feel like I’m just going through the motions right now. I’d worked so hard to get myself to a place where I felt “ready” (for lack of a better word), but my friend announcing her pregnancy has completely thrown me off. I absolutely adore her — she’s my person — but I just can’t seem to manage all the conflicting feelings and intensity that come with it. Even writing this has set off another wave of emotions.

As a leaving little sentiment, I have tried to stop and say to myself "what do I need and what do I want" and I do feel like it's helped me to prioritise myself and maintain my boundaries in case anyone else is struggling.