IVF and a new job!?!

[CloudyIvy55]

Going around and around with the pros and cons so would love some advice.

Currently a few days into my first FET cycle - goes without saying that infertility has been extremely hard on me and having a baby is my main priority.

I've been in my job for 10+ years and have really come to dislike it in the last 3. It's shifts, it's boring, there's no room for progression. I really do dread going in.

I saw another job advertised a few months ago and sent in a CV. Didn't even expect a call a back, let alone an interview and now they have offered me the job! It's much better hours- mainly WFH, but retraining in something new so less pay. If the FET did work - I wouldn't be in the new role long enough for SMP.

I'm unsure on what to do - it's stressing me out and I'm trying to be as calm as possible for the FET.

Is is really poor timing and I should turn down the job and focus on IVF?

Or do I go for it?! The FET might not work anyway and I'll be stuck in my current job?

Any advice would be much appreciated

As much as I hate to say this, I think you are better staying where you are until you complete your IVF cycle. You’ll need to take time off which is really tricky in a new role, you will have ups and downs each day, it’s an emotional rollercoaster and I think when starting a new role, you need to be on top of everything esp with a probation period.

Thanks for your reply! @confused2025 and I can definitely see your point of view.

Now I'm wondering if there's a way I could postpone the job for a month or so? Then this cycle would be done and I could make a decision knowing the result. I just can't think of a good reason to ask them to postpone my start date (obviously don't want to mention the IVF) that I haven't mentioned through the interview process?

Sometimes it can be possible to do this but depends on the nature and urgency of the role. You don’t need to mention it to them at all but do feel free to ask about their maternity policy. Some companies it can be from day 1 and others two years with a lot honouring it from 6 months onwards. It’s crap having to decide between career and starting a family, I just think you want to be in the best possible place starting a new role and you would just be adding pressure to yourself x

Take the job. Dont stop your life, goals and future for ivf. Your new job is guaranteed, ivf isnt.

What tricky timing in the middle of your FET.

I left a job I was sick of, and started a new job a few weeks before starting IVF and it’s been fine. To be honest good to have a distraction from all the waiting involved in IVF… my job is quite flexible with WFH so that’s helped.

One of the things I’ve found hardest about infertility is feeling like my life is stuck, so it’s nice to feel like something is progressing/improving by being in a job I’m happier in.

If you can face it, could you try thinking about how you’d feel about all the different combinations of accepting/rejecting the job, and if this FET is successful or if you’d need further treatment?

Wishing you a successful FET ❤️

@Blueskycat yes I've been trying to think of all the outcomes. Current job and no pregnancy would be a very miserable outcome - I completely relate to feeling like I'm stuck and my life hasn't progressed in a long time so this outcome would definitely feed into that.

New job and no pregnancy - again I think it would be difficult to manage. In my current job I would be able to take time off but in a new one, I think I would try and push through - which might help but then might also make things worse.

Current job and a pregnancy- I think I would be so over the moon to be pregnant that I wouldn't even care that I was still in a job I dislike. Plus I would get SMP and works (rubbish but something) enhanced maternity pay. This is not a job I could return to after maternity leave however.

New job and a pregnancy - I would feel pretty bad telling them I was pregnant a few months after starting and also wouldn't get SMP. But this is a job I could return to after maternity leave.

Ahhh this is such a difficult decision!

I see why you feel torn, there are lots of pros and cons to weigh up in all the scenarios… I guess at the same time, if it feels too stressful to make a big decision and move right now, you’ve proven that you can get a new role, so you’ll be able to get one in future too!

For me it would come down to, ‘Can I afford to not get paid maternity leave?’ If I could manage to get by without it, I’d take the new job. It’s working from home, possibly at your own pace/time schedule(?) and something you can do up until birth and go back to possibly earlier after baby is born. The other job, shift work is gonna be hard at the end of pregnancy, and at the beginning too, oh and in the middle 😂 I was constantly tired, like exhausted. At least if you were WFH you could run to the toilet if you felt sick, or take a mini break when you need to. I understand that it’s hard to plan/make decisions on something that hasn’t happened yet, but whatever you choose will be the right decision for you 💞 Good luck on the transfer! 🍀

It is a hard decision. I’ve stayed in a role way longer than I would’ve done if I hadn’t been ttc and ended up feeling so trapped. Didn’t want to leave because I might get pregnant and would miss out on the pay, I was established in my role so didn’t need to bend over backwards to impress and could easily take time out for appointments etc. but by the time I did actually get pregnant I could’ve been in a new job for years! (Though hopefully it works for you first time 🤞)

I’d be inclined to go for it with the new job and just figure it out. If this cycle fails you’ll be gutted you missed out and if it works it sounds like a much better role to be in and return to. The money is the biggest factor, can you afford to get smp? Could you tell new job you already have leave planned around when your ivf cycle is so you don’t have to worry about taking time off? Usually new jobs will honour pre-existing leave but may be unpaid.

Thank for all your advice ladies! It's very much appreciated.

I've woken up this morning thinking that I will turn the job down. I thought to myself, if I take the new job and the FET fails...will I blame myself for taking on a new role and stressing myself out when I should of been trying to relax. I've waited years for this IVF cycle so I have to give it my all and prioritise it.

Yes I will kick myself on Monday when I have to drag myself back into work- but it's a decision I'm making to put what's most important to me, first.

Jobs come and go... there will be others.

Thanks again!

@CloudyIvy55 not an easy decision but I think you’re doing the right thing. I found the TWW the worst part of my IVF journey and I think for a lot of people it is a tough time. You can just explain that it is a role you are really interested in, but right now personal circumstances are in the way and that you would love to keep in touch. You can keep the door open for the future. Sending you all the best for your cycle x

That’s totally fair enough, you’re reasoning is sensible so just remind yourself of that if you have any moments of doubt. Wishing you lots of luck 💫