Ignoring the troll.
I have experienced similar from so call friends too.
The creme de la creme was cancelling my birthday meal as i’d had an early miscarriage (after a fair while trying and discussing the disappointment openly). Two friends said let’s go as a small trio when you’re feeling up to it, which I agreed to.
I should have known really as this particular friend is very OTT and has no self awareness. Just a month before she had hijacked a brunch I had organised to announce she was pregnant- handing out scan pics she had paid to have early to ‘make sure she could tell us’ before Christmas. I’d organised the brunch as Christmas is hard, and I wanted something that wasn't child centred look forward to….which she knew.
We had a nice time at the mini birthday meal, it was only a week later but I was still
bleeding. Just as we were leaving she thought it appropriate to share she was having a girl!!
CRUSHED me. Genuinely didn’t sleep or manage to hold the tears back for weeks. Heart palpitations, night sweats, muttering and taking to myself without realising just a total breakdown.
I have learnt to manage my response to other people in the last few years but it was hands down one of the darkest experiences.
I called her a few days later thinking that might help me heal a bit, she thought telling me in an ‘off hand way’ would be better than a text, fair enough- some thought had gone into it. But then she said ‘you didn’t seem that bothered about the miscarriage’ which was the true blow of no understanding or compassion whatsoever.
Needless to say I have given her a wiiiide birth since. Her daughter turned 1 a few months ago, I’m awaiting a FET next month.
The reaction from the fellow diner told me I wasnt being unreasonable, she was very supportive but has other friends who have suffered losses so has some lived empathy. Others within the friendship group have been less supportive ‘It’s her baby she is excited, she needs support’ —— erm, for one day, I think she’d cope keeping a lid on it. ‘She always been a bit extra’ and the best line ‘You’re just angry because she was a bridezilla’ - she was. But I fairly sure the two are not related. I have to laugh now, and I’m in a better place since having some CBT therapy and finally starting IVF last month but there are people in my life I will need to distance from as I will NEVER see them in the same way again!