For anyone that’s given up on IVF- what helped your decision?

[Dylan8523]

As the title really- just out the other side of our third round of IVF, had one on the NHS and the other two funded through Assured on the two cycle package. Just had a negative test after having ICSI and Zymot on this round. No male factor but I am 36 and have stage 4 endometriosis, getting plenty of eggs at each retrieval but very low normal fertilisation rate- even with ICSI we only got two embryos which both got transferred. They were high quality this time, previously they have been low quality or none surviving to transfer. There has been some talk of DNA fragmentation as a cause of low fertilisation but we haven’t had a test as it is expensive and there’s not much more he can do about it other than vitamins and diet which he’s been doing.

We said this would be our last try which is easy to say until you get the negative test. We’ve had better embryos out of this cycle than any of the others but never had any left to freeze. Part of me is thinking just one more go if we save some more money, the other part of me can’t imagine going through it again and thinking what’s the point when my insides are clearly pretty messed up from the endo.

Trying to decide if after years it’s finally time to throw in the towel, would be grateful for any advice on what’s helped others make the decision either way to keep trying or move on accepting a different path in life. I think if we decided no more tries then I would completely close the door so I’m not always wondering each month, also birth control would help slow down the endometriosis. Feeling very sad and overwhelmed.

Hi - for me, it was time and age. I am older, started trying at 39 and had my last egg collection at 41. I turn 43 this year.

I've done 6 collections and 4 transfers. 2 early losses and 2 BFNs. We've done all the tests made known to us and I can only pin it down to age; we make good blasts AAs/ABs and average 2 per cycle, I tested my embryos once but an euploid didn't implant, so I didn't bother with it since.

My last transfer was April 2024, and that was an early loss. Because we had travel plans and family visiting at that time, I decided to put things on hold (we have 4 embryos left). And months past and I started feeling lighter as I wasn't fixated on the next transfer date. I also convinced my husband to get me a kitten 11months ago! So that helped fill a void.

So, I've just been putting it off since and I've told myself if I don't transfer them this year, they will be destroyed. I feel I am getting too old to become a first-time mum, and I also couldn't cope with another miscarriage or a potential problem. I still haven't come to a decision and I change my mind everyday!

Have you done all the tests available? Perhaps reach out to Tommy's clinic and see if they offer tests you might not have already done? I feel at your age, time is still on your side (I am not familiar with endometriosis though).

I did my last 2 collections abroad, a duo-stim cycle (2 collections within the same cycle). I told myself that would be the last collection going in.. so if you are undecided, perhaps consider that too?

All the best. It is a difficult decision.

Thank you @turqoiseturtle thats given lots to think about that I hadn’t considered, I hadn’t come across Tommys clinic before. I think we’ve had all the tests apart from DNA fragmentation on his side, I’ve never been given the option to test embryos presumably because of age and no other genetic concerns.

Its a bit reassuring that I still have time and eggs, I think it’s just the idea of having the disappointment again that has me reeling right now and thinking what the point even is if my two best embryos didn’t stick. I’m hoping things will look clearer with time, I just want to be out the other side either way- whether that’s with an IVF success or with accepting that it isn’t going to happen for us and being ok with that. It just takes up so much of your life, sick of it already!

I hope you can find some peace with your decision on what to do with your embryos and wish you all the very best in whatever you decide to do x

I’m going through the same thing as you op. No real advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone ❤️ I have my last cycle coming up (5th round) and already thinking about whether I will switch to donor eggs of this last one doesn’t work. Still not sure though. It’s a very tough journey. Sending lots of love xx

My husband and I have an appointment with Jonathan Ramsay in a couple of weeks. He is known as the man to see for male fertility. Might be worth paying for if a last ditch attempt and you are able? Not sure is the case that if dna frag is the cause there is nothing that can be done. My husband has a varicocele so we are going to talk to him about that and get the test done and if high then consider embolisation. However I do note you have done Zymot and unfortunately not had luck with that which is what we would consider doing if we need to do another egg collection.

@magpie234 I’ve just done some googling of Jonathan Ramsay and that’s very interesting, it’s so rare to get clinics that take more of an in depth look at what’s going on with the guy. I’d be keen to know how it goes for you both! There is a bit on his website about DNA fragmentation which gives more options than we’ve ever been told about in our clinic. Just shows how great these forums are to chat!

Even though it didn’t work for us this time I would still recommend Zymot- this is the only cycle where we had that and I don’t know if it’s some combo of Zymot, ICSI and taking Impryl supplements but this is the only round where we got a couple of very good quality embryos out of it, even if they sadly didn’t implant.

Has anyone discussed a plan for your endometriosis? Like a laparoscopy and / or suppression before a FET? I'm asking because I have endo stage 2 plus adenomyosis, and my doctor is insisting on suppression for a few months prior to FET. She wouldn't dare do a fresh transfer as the inflammation caused by these conditions is well known to interfere with implantation. Endo also causes immune issues such as high NK cells and cytokines, and often an immune protocol should be used to suppress these things and prevent your immune system from fighting off the embyro before transfer.

I'd second the further investigations of your partner, def see a urologist and test for infections or hormone balances on his side.

As to your question - I can't consider stopping until all issues are addressed (we have quite a few) and numerous FETs have been tried with those issues overcome. I don't know our limit, I think it's a very personal thing. But I do know that endo complicates things, and you really need a doctor willing to get very particular about the right protocols to manage that.

@wonderingwonderingwondering thanks for your response!

To start with, there has been a major plot twist- the test that was negative yesterday, tested again this morning just to make sure and it’s positive! Absolutely reeling and off out to the shop to get another one to see which one is lying.

Ive had two laps already, one in Feb this year and where they removed a tube as well- so was keen to do the IVF soon after when it’s all in the best state in can be. On my second cycle I was just coming off prostap that they gave me after the lap to ‘switch everything off’ so that was my long down regulation. They recommend it for endo, but I didn’t respond as well the the drugs when I was on the long protocol, so on this try they didn’t down regulate. We’ll see how that affects my ability to actually keep the pregnancy because I won’t believe it until I see a heartbeat.

All of mine have been fresh transfers and they’ve never mentioned that being a problem, so if something did happen and I tried again I’d definitely bear that in mind that other doctors will only do frozen for endo, thank you. Anxiously seeing what the heck is going on with the positive test situation!

Good luck to you!