What’s been most challenging?

[ABwrites]

Hi, we have been TTC naturally for the past year and starting to consider other options. I am not looking for practical advice but more of an understanding of what challenges (practically, emotionally, relationally) we might come across in the process of TTC if we don’t get pregnant soon. For anyone who’s gone through this (or still going through it) what is the one thing you had wished to know before starting. Or is there something you are still struggling with and don’t quite know how to navigate? Thank you ☺️

Hi, I would say the most challenging thing for me is the not knowing when things will happen. If you're the type of person who like to be in control of a situation, or at least know what's going to happen, it can be difficult to let go. We'll be starting treatment (NHS) a year or so after going to the GP which I know is quite quick compared to some people so I'm lucky. But it would have been much easier if they'd said 'it will take one year'. Instead you're waiting for lots of follow up appointments without any clear idea of when they'll be and so I was imagining it was going to take a lot longer!

For me the most challenging was the waiting. Waiting for results to see what was the ‘problem’ and the anxiety of thinking of all the possible outcomes and trying to prepare myself mentally for it. If it’s me, how to process it. If it’s him, how to support him through it. If it’s neither and there’s no reason why? Then after we muddled through that, it was the timing and waiting for medication and dates for extractions, transfers, and then pregnancy tests. That bit for me was the hardest. Waiting two weeks to then be heartbroken 💔 I would consider myself a mentally strong stable person but the first round of IVF brought me to my knees. No one can prepare you for the disappointment when it doesn’t work. Having said all this, I would do it again. I’m sat here now with my 9week old baby girl sleeping in my arms, sleep deprived but so happy. Take everything one step at a time and try to look after yourself physically and mentally, it’ll help your chances 🤞🏻
Good luck 🍀💕

The waiting around is hard but also when things arnt sticking to course, the unknown is scary. My current challenges are trying to make quality eggs. Im on my second cycle for another baby and now dont seem to be growing follicles, now im in unknown areas of ivf and again back to waiting to hear what we do next. The waiting around for everything is hard because you feel there is no progress and your just stuck when all you want to do is keep pushing forward.

Waiting is so hard! Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

I agree the waiting was really hard, and not really having a baseline for what was good or not. I found my clinic treated me a bit as though my response to stims was really disappointing when actually considering how old I am I actually think it was pretty reasonable. But I didn’t really understand what was good/bad at the time so it really got me down.

It was hard but I don’t regret it. I maybe regret not pushing for it a bit sooner but I was avoiding facing up to things!

I was very very lucky in that it worked first time though. I think I was so afraid of it not working that I didn’t want to try.

I would say comparison. And the waiting! I am on second frozen cycle. The first ended up being frozen due to a day 6 blastocyst and we decided to go straight back in to try to get more in the freezer.

I had a friend of a friend doing it at the same time and she is now 8 weeks pregnant and I’m stilllll doing stims a few months later. Plus she got 3 blastocysts and I only got one. It seems like everyone else has a better chance when you start looking at other people and it can be so disheartening. Or listening to podcasts where people are crying because they only got 15 eggs at retrieval when I know that isn’t ever a possibility for me - if they are disappointed with 15 then I don’t stand a chance with only 5! That’s how it feels and it can really get you down. It’s good to have a reference point but doing it over again I wouldn’t want to talk or listen to others as it got me down more than anything. It is useful to talk to someone about symptoms and how you feel but I would keep a boundary there.

But the waiting is also tough. It hasn’t brought me to my knees as such, it’s been a bit up and down. You might have a scan that shows some good response and you’re feeling good for about a day and then you start to worry about the next scan. You get the egg retrieval and some fertilise and you’re excited for about an hour and then worrying about the next step. But I’m currently on day 15 of stims and each appointment I go to I’m hoping to be near the end and I’m not. First round was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and this second round I am just detached and willing it to be over.

I haven’t found it to be so bad. But I did take the advice of others and just cleared my schedule for the duration and didn’t put any demands on myself! And that helped.