Secondary Infertility at 41

[UmberFish]

Hello all,

I’m feeling really low today so thought I would try posting here.

I have got the most beautiful DD who is almost 4, and I am very, very lucky. I would love her to have a sibling and extend our family.

We have been TTC for 2.5 years, I got pregnant 9 months ago but sadly had a miscarriage at 6 weeks, my due date was last week. Someone I know had a baby today, and due to the proximity to my due date, it’s made me feel a bit sad.

I’m 41 and I feel as though time is running out. We haven’t had IVF as can’t really afford it and won’t qualify on the NHS.

We haven’t had any fertility tests. I was 37 when I conceived DD on the 3rd cycle, so I naively assumed getting pregnant a second time would be easy.

Can anyone offer me any advice on what to do next, how to improve my chances, or just how to accept this isn’t going to happen?

Thank you!

At this point with your age, ivf might be your only option but even just talking with a fertility specialist about running some tests to make sure nothing is going on. You dont have to jump straight into full ivf cycles but you may just need a bit of a helping hand.

Lifestyle changes are probably the easiest thing you could try- healthy Mediterranean diet, alcohol, exercise. Maybe supplements - vitamin d, folic acid, possibly coq10/ubiquinol for egg quality (though these aren’t super cheap).
But after trying for a while and now early 40s I’d probably go for a consultation and get some tests to try to gain a bit of insight. Your gp can organise some basic ones but a clinic could give more info. You may not need it and it’s not for everyone but if you did decide ivf might be an option you can do payment plans - not suggesting you overstretch financially but that there are options if you don’t have the funds right now but are open to it.

I completely agree with the previous posters. Unfortunately, the number of aneuploidies increases with age, so doing a karyotyping test can be a good idea. It's not just about getting pregnant — it’s also important to aim for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Additionally, I recommend regular physical activity for both you and your husband. To increase your chances, the book It Starts with the Egg is a must-read. Articles and webinars on MyIVFanswers, especially in their section for women over 40, can also provide valuable tips on how to improve your chances.
Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!

Hi there - we're identical, right down to our age and the age of our first children! I'm so sorry you had a miscarriage. We tried for two years and are now in the middle of our first IVF cycle. We've had to self-fund and it is horribly expensive, but I do echo @Strawberrryfields in consulting your GP. All the diagnostic tests will be free on the NHS, even though you already have a child. I didn't realise this, so left it longer than I should have in hindsight.

That being said, our tests showed nothing wrong - hormone levels, follicle numbers, etc. all fine - which means it's probably my age and the effect that's having on my egg quality that's the issue. If nothing else, it might help you move forward with whatever your next step will be, even if that's coming to terms with moving on.

Agree that It Starts with the Egg is a good place to start, and don't discount sperm quality. Vaping, smoking, alcohol, hot showers/baths/jacuzzis/steams, and cycling will all impact your partner's sperm, as I'm sure you already know.

Good luck!