Birthday blues and infertility

[Otto1986]

Last year on my birthday we had our first and only chemical pregnancy which is the closest we’ve ever come to having a child.

Following this we went to the doctors and it’s taken a whole year to get referred and have our first IVF cycle a few weeks ago which was awful as we didn’t even make it transfer, today would have been the date of the test.

I had been feeling incredibly low after the crash of coming off the drugs but thought I was feeling better until my birthday has come round today and I just feel like crawling into a hole. I’m now 39 and feels like any chance is slipping away due to age and my low levels.

I’ve explained to close friends and family why I’m feeling down and how I’d much prefer to ignore my birthday this year as much as I appreciate the effort but some have been persistent and I can see my other half getting frustrated that I don’t want to celebrate. Has anyone else felt like this about their birthday when it comes to infertility?

Yes, birthday, Christmas, New Year. Any date that reminds me that time is slipping by :( big hug to you, it’s so so hard x

Im sorry for your journey so far. Have you thought of doing another round of ivf with different stims and maybe a new protocol? In the past iv had one cycle fail completely but from another round, ended up having 2 babies and one angel bubs from that second cycle. We currently just did another stim cycle and was a complete failure, we had no fertilization. We are going to try again one last time and keep everything xd. Not every cycle is the same and can have different outcomes.

I had my first negative test after IVF on my birthday a couple of years ago.. it's a double whammy of feeling shit so sending big hugs your way. Do something nice for yourself, just for the distraction, then regroup. Birthdays are also good for drawing a line under things and thinking about next steps Xx

Sorry you’re feeling this way. But yes know where you’re coming from, my last couple of birthdays have been hard. I‘m not where I’d hoped I’d be in my life and time is marching on.

My family are quite big on birthdays but I made it clear I just wanted to do something low-key e.g. get a takeaway. My partner booked me a massage and the day did actually turn out to be better than I’d expected even though I’d been dreading it and wanted to ignore it. It was nice to feel cared for and actually doing something meant I didn’t spend the day dwelling on feeling sad.

Would you consider going away for a few nights just you and your husband? Infertility can be all-consuming and takes so much from us but you deserve to do something nice that makes you feel good. But equally if you just can’t face it that’s understandable xx

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I managed to get through the day although did spend most of it crying. I was supposed to go for a low key meal but I had to cancel as was too emotional but my mum sensed something was up so came over and sat and ate cake with us whilst I was having a cry. I’m feeling better already just it being out of the way.

The first message I woke up to was one from a friend telling me she’d had a baby 2 months ago with pictures which just floored me on a day I was already feeling fragile about. She doesn’t know what I’m going through so I know no harm was meant but it hit very hard.

We do have one more round but nervous to change the stims as I responded very well given how low my levels are (afc 4 and got 4 mature eggs). We’ve told we only have a 5% chance.

They want to up my drugs but I’m nervous to do that because they have agreed that higher doses can negatively affect egg quality and agreed we could have got more eggs this time based on the number of follicles.

I should have booked to go away really as it would have been a much easier excuse to avoid any birthday activity!

Have a good cry and get all the emotions and being overwhelmed out of your soul. Your mum sounds amazing and im glad you had someone to spend the day with.

That must have been very hard to get that update especially after your journey so far.

i totally get this and I’m sorry that you’re going through this too. My birthday is tomorrow and I got a call from the clinic at 5:50pm this evening to say that our embryo testing had come back abnormal. And my age ticking over another year tomorrow doesn’t feel like a great place to be. Feeling very sorry for myself but trying to mask it as know DP has gone to a lot of effort to try do nice birthday things. Hope you’re doing ok since your birthday X

Find a new clinic! Do NOT let them increase your dose. That messed me up massively. My
AMH is only 1.9 and managed 7 mature eggs with the brilliant Evewell in London. Major difference was a very very gentle approach