Struggling

[IVFQueen]

I'm just really struggling. My husband has been having constant mood swings but doesnt think anything is his fault and that it's all me. He doesnt talk to me when he has these moods and barely acknowledges I exist. After a few days he returns back to normal and it's like nothing has happened. He's on a lot of medication for his disabilities and he blames this. We are having IVF at the moment as well and when in these moods he threatens to cancel the appointments. I know he is panicking about the ivf and the fact he cant have kids of his own but he will not talk to anyone about it. Even me. I just really don't know what to do anymore as if I talk to anyone about it he kicks off at me saying im making him out to be the bad guy when im the problem.

That sounds really difficult, IVF can be difficult enough as it is without navigating this too. I do think with IVF the focus is always on the female (understandably) as they are the one physically doing through it, but the males are also emotionally struggling just as much sometimes. Particularly if he is the reason or at least a contributing factor to you having to do IVF. Is he normally like this? It sounds like perhaps he is not coping emotionally. Although he is really not handling it very well and is bordering on being emotionally abusive.

My clinic offers free counselling sessions - is this an option? It’s not that you’re making him out to be the bad guy at all, but it sounds like you both need emotional support. You said ‘he can’t have kids of his own’ - are you using a donor? Because if so, there is perhaps a bit of anger and resentment that is getting misdirected towards you that needs to be addressed. It is so difficult though because with men they are either able to talk or they are bloody useless at it!

He wont go anywhere to talk about anything. I've already suggested this to him and he was not interested. We are using a doner and he's been okay with that. He only gets like this when I have to have procedures done so I think he's just getting worried about me