Donor egg for 2nd child

[Natasa4]

Hi everyone

I am 44 and have been trying for a 2nd baby for almost 2 years. Had my daughter at 41 and conceived naturally.
Doctors are advicing for a donor egg now, mainly due to my age.
Everyone close to us thinks that it is not something we should be considering, as we already have child.
We have actually considered adopting and trying with own eggs, but we now believe that donor egg might be right for us.

Did anyone else decide on a donor egg for 2nd baby?
Do you think we might be going too far, by choosing this option?

Thanks a lot in advance
Natasa

Have you tried a cycle with your own eggs first? I think id try this option first if you can find a clinic that will trial your own eggs first to rule out your own genetic child. But honestly your not "going to far" if you are considering DE. Its best to collect all the information on your personal care moving forward. In the end, if you want a baby then you have to do what is right for your partner and yourself and not worry about others opinions. Really you dont need to tell anyone at all if you choose DE. Good luck with everything.

I’m 44 too - and personally if my last FET doesn’t work for a 2nd child (1st DC was IVF too) then I won’t be trying again either with donor eggs or with my own for a sibling, as much as I would really really love DC to have one.

My reasoning for not trying with own eggs - I simply can’t afford multiple cycles and from everything I’ve read, past about age 42 it’s unlikely to be successful the first time and you will likely need £££ for lots of cycles stand a chance of success (if it works at all).

My reasoning for not using donor eggs- I personally like things between siblings to be as equitable as possible. So while I might have considered DE for a first child (and subsequent DC), I worry about the siblings differing circumstances causing resentment.

However lots of people don’t feel this way - it’s worth contacting the Donor Conception Network charity imo as they can put you in touch with other “mixed families” (as they call them) who can give you their own experiences. And the DCN will also advise you that you DO have to “tell” for the child’s sake - as keeping such things a secret is likely to make the child feel that being donor conceived is something to be ashamed of. You need to be matter of fact about the situation, while also supporting them if they want to find out more about their donor in future (I have a donor conceived child using donor sperm but the same principles apply for DC from egg donors).

Good luck, whatever you decide.

This is a late reply but for people who find in future… Every women struggles when the clinic says donor eggs are their best option. Many women insist they will not do it and will try for own egg. I’m going to say the reality comes down to money. Over 42, you may be a rare lucky one, and if you have money to spend on risking a cycle that 98% chance will fail to see if you are the lucky one, DO IT. By all means, if money is not a concern do it. The other thing is health and stamina. If you do the one egg retrieval and it fails, can your body handle going again and again? If so, do it! But you may end up paying for several with nothing to show for it. That’s common and likely. If you have limited funding and really want a family and don’t want to spend thousands to walk away with nothing and not be able to afford to go again… then donor eggs start looking really good.

We had £10k debt from failed IVF in UK. The clinic never explained the low odds and IMO they just wanted the money knowing it was likely to fail. Took us 4 years to stabilize and try again. Second time went to Prague. Spent less than on donor eggs than we did in UK on my own egg retrieval (Uk donor eggs cost even more). I’m now pregnant after the very first embryo transfer! It’s early days so fingers crossed.

If you want to try for own eggs, Prague is so much cheaper you may be able to afford more attempts than UK or US. Our donor provided 8 eggs and we got 4 good quality blastocysts. One is in me now and 3 are on ice for later! All we have to pay now is the transfer and medications and annual embryo storage so by the time we are ready for a sibling we will have the money sorted. And my baby is likely to have one or more full blood siblings.

We couldn’t afford to piss money down the drain. So we went in asking for donor eggs. Yes it’s sad I won’t have genetic kids but I couldn’t handle another childless Yuletide. So I’m happy with this choice and grateful for the option, especially grateful Prague made it affordable.

Thanks a lot for the answers everyone!

A quick UPDATE from us.
We actually went ahead with donor eggs and had our first ever ET last week in Czech Republic.
It's really early to know, but fingers crossed that we will have good news soon!
I am really happy that the donor egg situation didn't make a difference in the way I'm feeling.
We managed to get 2 good quality embryos, one that we transferred and one is frozen in Czech Republic.

I'll try to remember to update about how it goes in the future, but please do not hesitate to use this post if you need any support regarding egg donation IVF and I'll try to answer, as much as I can ...

Thanks again everyone for the help

Hi @Natasa4 . I had a DE IVF cycles in Prague, too. Similar age to you and I have a daughter which is our genetic child.
Fingers crossed you have a positive result.

Thanks a lot @GingerFox2021 🤞🤞

Hi, definitely, it’s not an easy decision. However, if a clinic or your doctor is patient-oriented, they should be able to provide some numbers to help you decide. You need to know:

1. IVF with your own eggs – your chances of getting pregnant at your age with your condition, how much time it may take, and the total cost.
2. IVF with donor eggs – how many cycles you might need and the total cost.

For example, if a doctor says your chances with your own eggs are 15%, you may need 3–4 cycles. With donor eggs, the chances might be around 45%, so 1–2 cycles could be sufficient. The total cost can then be estimated accordingly: for IVF with your own eggs, multiply the cost of a single cycle by the number of cycles; for egg donation, multiply by the likely number of cycles needed. Having these numbers can help you see which route fits your situation best. If your doctor can’t provide individualized information, ask who in the clinic can. Alternatively, you can use IVF calculators available on e.g. fertility clinics websites or fertilityclinicsabroad site, which can give a rough estimate. In my opinion, the most reliable approach is still getting personalized guidance. For a second opinion, you could reach out to the egg donation friends team — they are very knowledgeable about IVF in general and, based on their experience, can share what has worked for other patients in similar situations. Having extra support, both from your doctor and from experienced sources like this team, can make the decision-making process easier and more confident. Hope this helps a little!