Cold feet

[Hope19888]

Hi everyone hope you are all doing well.

myself and my partner (same sex couple) are just about to start the medication for IVF however my partner who will be carrying is starting to get cold feet after looking at the videos of risk that we were sent .

completely understand this is a huge thing to put your body through.

I am unsure the best way to support her I don’t want to go against all the risk but also there is risk to most things in life I understand this process is invasive but we also obviously can’t conceive naturally .

has any other woman that have carried also went through having cold feet and any advice on how best to support my partner.

thank you

Hey OP,

Can't say I've ever had cold feet but I'm on my second cycle so have been through the process twice. I think it's important to remember everyone's reaction to medication is different, for me, I've never had any issues from stims, scans, bloods, egg collection or transfers! It's mentally overwhelming but together you can get through it ❤

The videos will always be worst case scenario as the clinics have to cover themselves, hopefully your partner will be absolutely fine

Just be there for her which I'm sure you would be, take the ups and the downs, be hopeful as well as realistic, lots of hand holding!

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do, you are both strong getting this far x

I somewhat understand. To be honest we've put ivf off for months having been through it before.
I will say tho, ivf really isn't as daunting as you think it is and not everyone has a bad experience. I had a very good experience, absolutely no side effects to the meds and everything went very smoothly.

I have severe health anxiety, avoid anything medical at all costs.

However, i pushed through and on my third round. It’s much more mentally challenging than physically. No issues whatsoever physically.

I honestly think if I can do it (biggest baby ever) anyone can xx

Heya, same-sex couple here too!

I can very much relate about partner anxiety. I seem to be very un-anxious about IVF and starting a family, yet my partner has been very anxious about it.

We've just taken each stage step by step, because she's felt better when she thinks of the journey in bite-sized chunks.

I found our clinic handle any physical risks/incidents with the utmost care and swiftness. For example, I had a really vascular pelvic system and my blood pressure dropped significantly twice after egg collection, but they were very quick to act- dropped the bed, fed me a bag of IV and monitored. It was just my vasovagal response on thay occassion, but they did an extra ultrasound just to be sure they hadn't nicked a vein (they hadn't). I felt very safe at all times.

We're 1DP5DT today ☺️. It's our first round!

Hey. Also same sex couple! I got cold feet when my wife carried and then again when it was my turn, maybe it’s my personality 😂

It is daunting, like any big life decision. We found it more daunting as it all just feels so planned & scheduled. Gently remind her how many millions of women get pregnant every day, via all different routes. It will be so so worth it as well, good luck!

Im not in a same sex relationship but have had a few rounds of ivf with success but its been a long journey and I still get cold feet. Im waiting to do another round and I fight with myself daily about moving forward. I myself dont like the medication, I have some effects from them, I hate the scans as my ovaries hide behind my uterus so the scans can be quite painful and can last for 20mins, I hate the anxiety lead up to egg collection and I cringe waiting for embryo updates as I have had a pretty "rough" go of ivf over the years. Its not for the faint of heart. BUT!!! and I say BUT!!! the whole process is worth it when you get to bring home your baby that you created from the huge roller coaster of a ride you took to get that baby. All you have to do is take the first step and do one at a time and dont think about anything else. Rely on each other for support and its ok to get cold feet. Ivf is huge and its ok to be scared.

Same sex couple here. My eggs and I carried. We did 4 rounds of IUI and 2 egg collections. Conceived our daughter after 4 rounds of IUI and 3 embryo transfers. Conceived our son on first attempt (frozen embryo from earlier egg collection).

Honestly I’ve always found the mental and emotional side of it all far worse than the physical side. I got very little side effects from medications.

It’s a big decision potentially creating a life and IVF is hard work. It’s ok to take stock for a moment. Maybe just knowledge to your partner that what you’re doing is big, and if she needs time it’s ok. I found it harder trying again for second to be honest, as I knew how emotionally draining TTC could be.