Sorry. I can’t sleep and I’m just so down about this. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone else IRL.
Back story - I’m 39, one child aged 2.5, conceived without issue. I had a MMC in July and Dec 2024 both times got pregnant on cycle no2 when TTC. I took a break for my mental and physical health after Dec as I literally could not face this another time but started TTC in April.
My cycles have been acting bizarrely - I do ovulate according to clear blue digital tests and Premom but I have had 28, 30 day cycles and today my period has come on CD24. I’m currently sitting here in bed upset with cramps and just at a loss.
last month my period lasted for 8 days - it never does that! I thought I saw a vvvv faint line on a pregnancy test last week so I wondered was it a chemical but who knows.
I just don’t think I can keep doing this - I’d rather save myself the heartbreak and stay at one child ( I am super super thankful and grateful to have been lucky enough to have them now I know what I know) it’s been 17 months now of TTC no 2 with a lot of heartbreak in between and I just don’t know how much more I can take. I want to try to have another for my DC and my husband really wants to also. Deep down I would be so sad if it was my last and only time
i have had numerous scans to check all is ok, bloodwork done, I’m on low dose aspirin and last pregnancy I had progesterone on a positive test but it didn’t help :-(. Today once I got my period I decided to book in with a private recurrent MC consultant to see if there is anything more I can do.
I take inositol, coq10, vit d, folic acid. I lost 2 stone since Christmas bringing me to a BMI of 26.
my best friend has just found out she’s pregnant and obviously while I’m delighted for her, I’m gutted. Her dc1 is younger than mine. In fact, most people IRL or online who had a child when I did are now pregnant again or recently given birth and while I KNOW I shouldn’t compare, it’s impossible not to do so.
im sick of people telling me “just relax and it’ll happen” “try not to focus on it” I can only assume they haven’t been where I am. I work FT In a stressful job and my husband works shifts so whilst he is great I can’t help how busy I am - I wish people would stop telling me to stop being stressed or busy like I caused my previous two MMC by being this way. I had the same job when pregnant with DC - surely it’s not that
i just feel so sad and immersed in it. I’m annoyed I have to go buy more ovulation tests - it’s on Amazon and it feels like a trigger when I have to repurchase. I feel like I can’t book any event or holiday in the future as I’m even subconsciously trying to factor in “will I won’t I be pregnant? And what will that look like?”
im 40 next year and most of my friends are done with babies and fully into the let’s celebrate mindset and I’m stuck. Sorry for venting. I guess I just needed to type this out x