ivf starts in 10 days or so, Am i being oversensitive, with my husbands reactions.

[ch88ky]

So we have been ttc for about 1.5 years now, it has come out i have severe endo and drs have advised if i want children i need to do so now, due to the endo. and he has male factor too, so we have been advised to do ivf with icsi, im 27, he is 37, I wasn't desperate for kids but have always wanted them, just thought i had longer. I never thought id be thinking of a hysterectomy at 27!
He wants kids but doesn't seem bothered if it doesn't work, he already has a nephew and another is coming along in the next few weeks.
SIL announced her news on Christmas day, it broke me, it was just around that time we discovered I had endo and couldn't naturally have kids without help. I was so upset, I'm genuinely pleased for them, but we see them everyday, Hubs and SIL work together so baby will be at work daily, its not something i can avoid.
Fast forwards to now, baby is due anytime, they aren't so interested in existing child at the moment while preparing for this new one so we are seeing him more. Im struggling to hold it together, seeing my husband and little one together, wondering if it will ever be us, he just doesnt get it, he says that since we havent been told it wont ever happen he doesnt get why im upset.
I sat sister in law down a month or so ago to tell her about our ivf as otherwise husband wouldn't be able to have time off work for it, and I made it clear, that as difficult as I'm finding it i still want to be involved. So i found out last night that theres a baby shower, every one is invited apart from us, and husband says i cant say anything to sil or it would upset her. I feel like everyone is so worried about sils feelings, MIL hasnt mentioned ivf to me, i see her daily, shes told husband that she will buy us a cot but wont contribute to ivf, (not that we have asked for help but) i feel that's like asking for help with care home costs and offering a coffin. I'm angry and upset,
Am i being oversensitive? any advice to make it all easier in my head, im loosing sleep, im crying several times a day and i have no idea what im supposed to do when i go into work and see my husband holding his baby nephew while working,

This journey is so hard. Its an emotional roller coaster and sometimes you think your never going to get off. I dont think your being over sensitive, though your emotions are heightened with your own journey and struggles which makes you feel more sensitive when usually you wouldnt be. I think you should sit your partner down and discuss how your feeling and what the plan should be moving forward. I wouldnt worry about the SIL and her behaviour, just worry about what you need to do to have your little family. You be involved as much as you feel with the babies from your SIL and take a step back when you feel overwhelmed. Im sorry your MIL is a bit of a douche with saying she will buy a cot but won't help fund IVF, people really are hurtful and dont understand the ttc journey is when they have never struggled to expand their family. To be honest while going through IVF I would take a step back from these people and surround yourself with family and friends who are going to be in your corner and support you in any way you need supporting. Once you start IVF it consumes you and takes over your life and negative people make the entire process much harder to get through.. I hope you can feel better soon and im sorry I cant be more helpful but I do suggest a big deep and meaningful with the hubby, he needs to be your number 1 supporter but honestly men dont understand the doom and gloom so dont feel to disheartened if he cant understand how your feeling, what's important is he acknowledges it and supports you.

I don't think sensitive or oversensitive comes into it. You feel how you feel. You will be all over the place at the moment, because it is stressful.

This is just me, but, if it were me, I would try very hard to put MIL and SIL out of your mind. Your MIL sounds as if she's said something rather clumsy about not helping with IVF but wanting to help with a cot (and I would also find that unintentionally upsetting, I must say - lots of people don't want to tempt fate by thinking about baby gear when there's such a long road ahead, and you are not alone there). But if you can, just tune it out and make polite excuses not to be around them. SIL does know you're doing IVF, so even if she's full to the brim with excitement, she'll be fine. If in doubt, just repeat firmly 'I know my reaction is a pretty normal one with IVF' or 'we've been told to expect I'll feel like this with IVF' until the message sinks in.

With your husband it is a bit different. I think you might need to discuss how you're going to tackle the emotional rollercoaster of IVF. It's not helpful for him to try to reason you out of being upset. He doesn't need to understand it - he just needs to be nice about it. I'm sure there are things he does that you don't see the logic of. That's a relationship. If you do IVF, you are going to do something pretty brutal and hard, so that the two of you can have a baby. Therefore, right now, his job is looking out for you, not trying to rationalise your emotions for you.

Thank you for your responses, im trying my hardest to stay out of the in laws way but its tricky being involved in the family business, I think im best just to keep my head down as I have been doing, its just so hard to not let the little things like the baby shower. Or the cot comment get to me, im loosing sleep and feel like im tying my self up mentally about it. I don't suppose there's an easy way to cope with the emotions and hormones attached to this. Let alone the awful timing of sil baby.
Normally im such a laid back person who couldn't care less what others do or say but for its all affecting me at the moment.