WWYD? give up breastfeeding for embryo transfer?

[flowersinmay]

I have three frozen embryos left, I am turning 39 end of this year. I really want to try for a second child but my clinic told me to stop breastfeeding. My 27 month old still relies heavily on breastfeeding to go to sleep at night and several times during the night, plus sometimes once or twice during the day. I don’t want to give up breastfeeding as I don’t think my child is ready (and neither am I!), it’s such a useful tool to get him to sleep/ calm him after a tantrum. I don’t know how I would get him to sleep otherwise. equally I’m desperate for another baby as time is not on my side. Anyone got any advice? Anyone been in this situation? What would you do?

So I had this dilemma but then my first went on an indefinite nursing strike so the choice was taken away! I actually ended up doing an unmedicated/natural FET anyway so think I probably could have continued breastfeeding… Would that be an option for you?

Such a difficult decision to make! Xx

My clinic were content to do natural modified FET whilst breastfeeding. I know some people who just didn’t tell their clinic they were still breastfeeding but I wanted mine to have all the information in case anything needed to be tweaked. Unfortunately I’ve had 2 unsuccessful FETs but they do not attribute that to breastfeeding. I didn’t want to stop earlier than my DC wanted and then maybe not get pregnant again anyway.

Thanks for your replies, my biggest fear is it not working with the three embryos I have left :( I don’t think I’d do another egg retrieval so if it doesn’t work then I won’t be having a second baby. I don’t think he’ll go on a nursing strike - he’s too addicted. I just want to give the embryos the best possible chance, I was contemplating a natural FET but would be so sad if it didn’t work out potentially because I was breastfeeding. Argh it’s so hard!

I wonder if breastfeeding would even have an affect on the success 27 months in…. Has your cycle returned regularly? May still be worth discussing with consultant?

Does feel like such a shame to stop breastfeeding before you’re ready! But if you are desperate for another child then that may be the best option 😞

@flowersinmay high prolactin (the breastfeeding hormone) can interfere with implantation which is why they will have said you need to stop first. I would personally wait until you are ready to stop

ahh thanks for the comments, I’ve spoken to the clinic and gynecologist and a breastfeeding consultant and all told me I needed to stop breastfeeding to conceive. I just hoped to be one of those people who fell pregnant whilst breastfeeding (we have unexplained infertility so thought there may be a small chance of falling pregnant naturally.. although it’s been over a year and no BFP in sight). I think I will give it a few more months and hope he gradually stops feeding. I will be so upset if I force him to stop and then have absolutely no luck with the three embryos. It will be heartbreaking. I just also never thought I’d be such an “old” mum .. definitely didn’t plan it this way.

I should have said my clinic did test prolactin and other hormone levels as part of planning for transfer. I had been having regular periods for over a year and they were happy to transfer.

I know several people who are tandem breastfeeding, but they did not have fertility problems to begin with.

If you search here there are probably a few older threads with people who did have a successful FET while breastfeeding but the decision has to be yours - well, with your clinic. If mine thought breastfeeding would affect success I don’t think they would have encouraged me as it affects their stats but there are so many factors at play that sometimes you just want to rule out everything in the ‘possible reasons for failure’ box). Good luck either way.

I did stop breastfeeding to do a ivf. My toddler was 100% not ready to stop but I just saw it like her future self will be more grateful for a lifelong sibling than a few more months of breastfeeding. Time is against us! I was dreading it as my toddler breastfed 4x a day and before sleep to fall asleep. In the end I just went for it! Dropped one feed at a time. Dropped one feed a week. So stopped breastfeeding over a month. Funnily enough the first two feeds I dropped were heartbreaking but she was totally okay with the next two! The last one I dropped was the one before bed and she didn't complain at all. Also I decreased the length of feeds by a few mins every day before dropping them to ease her into the idea. I offered her a bottle of milk instead of the dropped feed. I also used toddler formula (tastes more like breast milk) warmed up at the beginning of the transition from breastfeeding then titrated the amount of formula down slowly every few feed until she was drinking only regular cow milk. I know it's a faff and a half but so worth it! She now drinks regular fridge cold cows milk from a cup twice a day like a normal toddler 6 months later. So it ended up being worth the stress and faff thank god. I would advise you to not stop breastfeeding just before ivf becuase it is a stressful transition. If you do decide to stop give yourself a couple of months to get back to normal.

Join the Facebook group ‘breastfeeding mums undergoing fertility treatment/IVF’, there’s loads of info in it, and hundreds of women who have had IVF and other fertility treatments while bf.

Given the cost and the the fact that you only have 3 embryos I'd want to give the transfer the best shot possible.

We had to make a similar choice, not for a transfer but because we thought in might be the reason why I am unable to get pregnant, so just want to say it's definitely not an easy choice. We told simple told her that the milk is up, she drank it all, but she can have bottle milk now. Kids this age adjust so fast, especially when they are old enough to understand something. We maybe had one rough week, and then she was settled taking a bottle instead. So maybe the switch won't be as tough as it feels.

Good luck!

I stopped bf my daughter just after she turned 2. I wasn’t sure if I was ready or if she was, it was a major tool for sleep for us.

She is nearly 5 now, and I regret bf as long as I did. I think it prevented us developing other mechanisms to support going to sleep, like relaxing and lying quietly or cuddling toys. I don’t think bf that long was necessary as such either. I’d probably aim to stop by 18-24 months if I had another. I loved bf and it was a major bonding thing for us, I worried I’d be really upset after stopping but it was actually great and I felt like I got my body back too!

Thought it might be worth posting in case any of this resonates. There is a lot to feel guilty about as a mum.

It's a no brainer, I'd stop BF. Time is of the essence, and I'd want to maximise likelihood of success.

I often feel at that stage, where they are walking, talking and eating solids, BF is more for the mum than baby (just my opinion, no offence intended).

It's healthy to let them learn to self regulate. When you have a 2nd baby, it often feels like a big eye opener as to how far developed your toddler is.

Imo there’s only a rush if you think you would do another egg retrieval if your frozen transfers failed. Then obviously time/your age would be of the essence. But otherwise I don’t understand the rush?

Personally I had my only DC by IVF at 41 and have frozen 2 embryos (made when I was 40). Knowing there is only a small chance of those frozen embryos being successful and knowing that I won’t be doing another egg collection, I fed my DC until my milk eventually dried up when they were almost 3. I only BF once a day at bedtime by then, but DC loved breastfeeding so much as a comfort thing to sleep (and still sticks their hand down my top when I cuddle them to sleep at night 🤣) and I’d read that kids benefit from breastfeeding till they are at least 2 for immunity reasons.

Anyway I felt I should put the needs of the child I have, over the needs of a potential child that I only have a tiny chance of conceiving anyway, if that makes sense? That was my thought process at least.

I’m waiting to transfer soon - there will be a 4 year age gap which is bigger than I wanted and I’ll be 45! 😱 if it works, but I figure this way I’ll have no regrets. If it doesn’t work then I know I’ve given it my best shot in terms of breastfeeding not potentially jeopardising the transfer and emotionally for me by feeding my DC as long as I could. And if on the tiny chance it does work, I’ll be so amazed that it happened and completely exhausted 🤣 that I won’t care about the age gap or have time to think “if only I was two years younger”.

Good luck, whatever you decide❤️

Thank you everyone for these helpful replies. There is a lot to consider and think about. I also worry I will be upset after stopping feeding, but there is a part of me who would like my body back to myself..and yes to the poster who said little ones need to learn to self regulate, I do feel like I need to help my son find other ways to soothe himself. If he wakes in the night he automatically turns to my boob for comfort.
I think I want to “rush” because I do feel like I am getting old and also feel already quite tired, my partner is also a few years older than me. I know my body can cope with another pregnancy but I don’t really want it to be when I’m 40. (Nothing wrong with 40, but personally I’d like to try and birth another before I am this age).

Hi! I recommend reading books on transitions and tantrum management—you can find many good options on Amazon. When it comes to tantrums, it's important to teach your child to recognize and manage their emotions. Techniques like reading a calming book together, taking deep breaths, or using simple mindfulness exercises can help. While breastfeeding can offer comfort, it may not be the most effective tool for helping toddlers learn emotional regulation skills in the long run.