Scared husband will leave me

[sunnylife2]

Hey all,

My husband and I have been married 8 years. I love him hugely and we are happy together after a truly terrible start to our marriage. He cheated on me with a work colleague a year into marriage. We worked through it and spent an absolute fortune on couples and individual counselling as he was remorseful and said it was a huge mistake which I forgave him for.

We held off trying for a family until last year 1. Because of the infidelity and recovering from it but 2. Because we relocated during lockdown for his job to a nicer part of the UK and we wanted to be settled. We both had new jobs.

We decided we were finally ready to try this year (I am 34, he’s 35) and our marriage has hit bad luck again and we are now facing infertility.
I have been diagnosed with PCOS and he has some issues with sperm motility but the main problem is me as I’m not ovulating at all.
I am so upset after years of us both working so hard to get our marriage back in a good place and now we have another huge hurdle and pressure on our relationship.

We’ve had some assistance and two medicated cycles so far (using letrozole) but both dosages have failed. We’re waiting to try the highest dose and if not it’ll be IVF as our next option. Obviously, nobody expects to go through infertility and I’m terrified he will leave me if I can’t give us a child.

Has anyone had the same feelings? It’s all consuming and I feel like I’m at a complete cross roads in my life 😢 I am so lost.

It sounds like you've invested a lot of time and energy into each other for several years.

I'd like to think that no decent or reasonable person would throw that away in this situation, especially given there are still options to exhaust.

Thanks so much for your reply, that is a really positive way of looking at it. My head is just all over the place at the moment 😞

Relationships are suppose to have hurdles, that is how it becomes stronger. The cheating is not a hurdle i would have forgiven but you have done so and now you have to try to move past it and believe in your husband that he has your back and you have each other through this tough time. If you become successful and have a child, that is really going to put strain on the relationship and what your going through now will be nothing in comparison. My best advice is when your feeling insecure then communicate with your partner and have open discussions about how you are feeling and reassure one another that you can get through this and you can rely on each other. Talk to each other about how far your both willing to go to extend your family and only battle one hurdle at a time. Be open about how your feeling as he could be having the same thoughts or may not know how you feel and would probably want to make sure he can help you rest easy a little. You got to support each other throuth this trying try.

Hi there,

I saw your post and want to say I am in a similar situation - 11 years with DH, and an incidence of infidelity. But we didn't throw 11 years together away because of that, we love each other and we had issues like depression to work through :) So we eventually decided it was time for kids - boom, PCOS, male factory infertility. However letrozole and trigger shot has worked for us (in combination with DH doing a lot to improve his sperm also), and our relationship has never been better. Good luck on your journey you will get there! I suggest maybe some fertility counselling, find a friend to confide in, and keep an active sex life and dating life with your husband. It'll all be okay.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your comment ♥️ it means so much I’m going to screenshot it and look back on it on the harder days.
I’m so sorry you’ve faced all this too, it’s so cruel. It makes me feel less alone knowing there is at least one person out there who understands. Congratulations on your baby ♥️ xxx