Hi all, sorry for the long post just really struggling and in need for some positive stories and shared experiences.
I’m 38 with PCOS. I had a miscarriage in 2020 at 9/10 weeks in a pregnancy where the heartbeat was originally seen a week prior to the loss, one again in 2021 at 5/6 weeks and a suspected ectopic in 2021 (irregular cycles made it hard to know but had a significant pelvic infection that GP said was indicative of an ectopic). Recording as three losses I was then referred to an nhs reoccurring miscarriage clinic where some blood work was done and I was advised to go on progesterone for my next pregnancy. I also went private for a laparoscopy which was clear. I also took metformin until 12 weeks. I’m pretty on top of supplements also - take Ovasitol, COQ10, vitamin d, folic acid etc. The result of all this was a successful pregnancy and the birth of my little boy in 2022 aged 35, via emergency c section.
Five months after the birth of my son, I got both Covid and a staph infection from an infected hair follicle in my back about a week apart. This resulted in my thyroid attacking itself, moving to a state of thyroidtoxicosis, onto an overactive thyroid which with monitoring and treatment went slightly under active and then returned to normal. As a result I had to pause trying for another baby for 18 months.
My thyroid has been normal for a year now, and I take 25mg of levothyroxine a day to keep it under 2.5 for fertility. We started trying for our second child in March, conceived straight away. We saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks however sadly at 9 weeks and 1 day I had a missed miscarriage and had an erpc on 16 May.
To say I am devastated is an understatement. I am so angry, my anxiety is through the roof and I am exhausted. The consultants have said they think we’ve one last attempt and then we’ll have to stop given the toll it’s taken on my body. But my gut and heart are convinced we should go for a second.
We are 8 years officially on this journey, and I’m shattered. I adore being a mom but I’m so angry at the anxiety and grief that has come with getting there. I also am riddled with anxiety regarding anything happening to our son.
I’m good with my mental health in that I’m proactive and very aware of when to go for help. I have received counselling in the past and I also got an adhd diagnosis aged 36 so that is something I do stay on top of.
im just so worried - my husband is exhausted. He wants to go again but I can see physically that this last lost took its toll. I lost a lot more blood then expected in the erpc, have severe anaemia recovering and I think it just shook us both.
My own parents were 42 having me their youngest and while it had its benefits it certainly came/remains with struggles and worry we’re doing the wrong thing pursuing a second and that the universe is trying to send me another message.
This last loss has floored me beyond anything I could have expected. Historically I struggled to carry but in this case my body didn’t lose the baby, the baby’s heartbeat stopped. It’s added a whole new layer of worry.
I have a bmi of slightly over 30 which I work at constantly, have upped the game significantly in light of the miscarriage. I am also trying to get a private appointment with Dr Quenby or Dr Shehata.
I’m just so nervous. With the baby we lost last week, I was ELATED about the pregnancy and about finally ending our journey re having children this year. I know we are so lucky to have one child. We adore our little boy and really love being parents. But the journey has really taken its toll physically and mentally. My gut is telling me to keep going and it’ll work out.
I just need some kind words, shared experiences and words of advice. Im a big chatter but in this loss I just can’t. I’ve had to shut out friends and family to process everything and unless someone relates I just can’t speak to them about it.
Thanks
x