Hand hold please- family pregnancy announcement

[LimeBird]

Hi all
Just looking for a hand hold and some advice please on how to deal with this. I don’t want to be a bitch about it but really struggling.

I’m about to start my fourth ICSI round, have low ovarian reserve and have been TTC for several years, cutting out alcohol and trying to eat all the things they tell you to. Last round was bad with no embryos to show.

This morning I’m pretty sure I’ve found out that a very close family member is pregnant with their new ish partner, having started trying 2 months ago. They drink soo much alcohol and it’s just blowing my mind how easy it’s been for them when it’s so heartbreakingly hard for us.

To add to this I’m currently unwell ahead of my fourth cycle, so already feeling rock bottom.

Please could anyone share any advice or empathy on this, I just feel like crawling into a hole at the mo.

thanks x

@LimeBird I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this and it is brutal and you deserve to feel aggrieved at how bloody easy it is for some who only have to sit on the right chair and they're popping babies out while the rest of us are stuck on this endless rollercoaster alternating between hope and despair on repeat...
It's just completely sickening and I feel your pain. That said, they deserve their pregnancy too and I'd never let it show, but especially when said pregnant woman makes terrible choices and still falls as easily as a mother freaking bunny. Yes, so frustrating.
I think at such times it might help to withdraw when you need to and distract yourself/wallow or see like minded friends/have a bitch about the unfairness of it all. But most of all don't beat yourself up for any feeling you have; it's all valid and understandable...sending you reserves of strength and love though you already sound like a warrior with all those rounds and still trying...I admire you.

Thank you so much @Sara237 , sorry for the delay in my reply! Shortly after I posted I got really ill with a horrible virus so have been laid up! Yes I think you are right, I need to be kind to myself and try to get distance if needed and distraction. I’ve been writing in my journal again which helps. I’m just about to start stim injections again today, only just having recovered from the virus, so not feeling thrilled at that but here we go again! Thanks again for your support and hope all goes well with you whichever stage you are at x

@LimeBird how are your stims going? I didn’t want to read and run - I’m going through the same thing, my two best friends and my sister have all announced pregnancies with a year of each other, and I am about to go through ivf too with low amh. It is the most complicated and heart breaking feeling to be happy for someone but devastated at the same time. I don’t know if you feel able to do this, but I found comfort in being totally honest about how i felt to them all and they have been really understanding, it felt as though I could almost park the feelings once they were out in the open. Anyway, I am here if you want to vent to someone in the same position!

Thank you @Bloop123 , I have done that in the past but seemed a bit blocked in this scenario as I felt I couldn’t show any upset as it’s such a close family member (sister). I would hate for any wedge to be driven between us. But I can see your point, it has helped me being open and honest in the past. I have one good friend who I have been honest with but she’s still always putting her foot in it though!
when are you starting treatment? My stims are going ok thanks, my stomach is so sore though! X