How did you manage / cope if your first IVF didnt work?

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We are doing our first ivf

We have miscarriage history

How did you manage to cope emotionally if your first ivf didnt work?

We had a terrible first round and I really struggled. Typically one of my good friends told me she was pregnant after a month of trying around the same time which sent me on a downward spiral.

Counselling was a godsend for me, it really helped me out of a dark place. We were also lucky enough to be able to book a nice holiday which lifted my spirits. We also tried to have something nice planned every weekend, just small things like a walk in a new place, or going to a cute coffee shop for tea & cake.

We also told our close friends & family about our IVF and I'm so glad we did - having their support has been amazing.

Our second round seems to be going to much better thankfully and I feel now in a much better place with everything.

Best of luck with your IVF! I hope everything goes really smoothly for you. But if you have challenges along the way, you'll get through it, us women are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. 💪🏼

Thank you , & glad your 2nd round seems to be going better.

Its so hard mentally.

Hello.

I did not cope very well at all but I think that is partly of my own doing as I have not really been open and honest with many people about what we are going through. In addition to this, the day after my negative test we found out that a family member had cancer. I have struggled with work who have been quite unsupportive at times despite all management knowing what I was going through and how high my stress levels were.

As the other person has said, counselling is very helpful in terms of how I thought about the IVF going into it but I think I was always going to get myself into a state about it in all honesty. Like she said, planning nice things to look forward to helps. I made up a little box of nice things to have on bad days; a nice book, face mask, soft socks, chocolate, fancy tea bags etc.

I wish I could be of more help but I think you just have to go through it and see what works for you. I am planning to do another round hopefully in the next few months and I can’t really say I’ve learned much from the first one. The Doctor told me it likely didn’t work (we didn’t get as many eggs as we should have and our one surviving embryo didn’t stick) because I was too stressed…if only I had remembered to switch my stress button off (!)

It’s a really hard time and I wish you all the best. X

I just went through a failed cycle. I didn't get any embryos at all. It was really hard to hear those words. I took the day to process what had happened and spoke openly to my husband about it all, we went the next day and did something nice for us and the kids and then we got to planning our next cycle. I felt if I started planning for the next cycle it would give me a little control, as in taking some supplements to help with egg quality. My husband also started on a men's fertility supplement. Now while we wait for another cycle to start we just concentrating on life right now and not trying to think too far into the future. Today was a hard day as I got my full flow which was our huge reminder that we didn't get to transfer day, in fact we didn't have any fertilise even with icsi so didn't even make it 24hrs after egg collection. So today was hard but we are dusting ourselves off and we will try again.

It's very common for the first round not to work as it's more of a test to see how you respond to the medication. So I would go into it with the mindset of this cycle is for "information gathering" then future IVF cycles can be tailored to exactly what your body needs.

I didn't realise this when I started IVF, I thought IVF would solve all our problems and it would work first time. When it didn't that was a real shock and led me to research a huge amount into the subject. Having a better understanding of the whole process has helped me go into subsequent cycles with a logical head rather than an emotional one.

Best of luck, I hope IVF brings you success 🤞🏼

Same, I didn't cope very well. It took me a few weeks to be able to accept life back to the way it was. I let myself feel the grief, and told people I needed to.

I decided to do some investigations to see if there was anything we could do. 9 months on we'll be starting the next round, hopefully in a much better place. But only time will tell.

Wishing you all so much luck.

Thank you
How are things ?

How can friends support for people going through this? Today a friend of mine told me there was no heartbeat at the 8 week scan after a successful transfer. It's their first round of IVF. I want her to know she's loved, that she's not alone, but also if giving space is best?

That's so nice you want to support her. I'd say message her and say exactly that, you love her and are thinking of her, maybe send a little gift, and check in even if she doesn't reply.

Some people might say they really don't want to hear from anyone, but in my experience of loss, having people check in and continue to be there meant a lot, as it can feel like whole your world is falling apart, everyone forgets and moves on quickly.

The worst girl gang is a great place for support and resources

I made this thread - anxiety ridden

Yet my first ivf did work ( currently )

So lucky.

But yes to those that didnt - do reach out
Maybe get them their fav meal delivered

I agree twgge is a great resource

I think this is the perfect response - get in touch to say you want her to know she's loved and she's not alone. I'd probably say something like 'I understand you might just want your space; I'm here if you need me and I will still be here whenever you'd like.'

It might well be she can't actually cope with meeting friends now or for a while; then she might really want to talk about it six months or a year from now. And you can be there for that.

You sound a kind friend. Of course avoid false platitudes and stick to "I'm so sorry you're going through this".
One of my friends would send me a lovely message every week when I went through similar, just to say she was thinking of me, but I didn't need to reply. I really appreciated it.