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Original poster

When to give up?

7 replies

Riley31 · 03/04/2025 20:04

Background I’m 30 soon to be 31 and my husband is 34, when we came of BC at 27 we honestly like all of you thought we’d be on our second by now, everyone has moved on with their families and we feel so left behind ( I know we are not alone but it’s hard to see that) we have had one failed fresh transfer in December 2024 and am now 7dp5dt and tested negative so know likely we will be negative at official test day ( I had such high hopes, and had far better symptoms than last transfer) I’m totally shattered my husband is working away and I don’t want to tell him the result ( he didn’t know I was testing as promised I’d not test till official test day but I was in the office today and my plan was to pick up something nice to surprise him as he’s been such a good support as we have chosen to not tell family as my mum has recently retired and I know she would have her cheque book out) I tested in the afternoon after only holding my pee for an hour and half , I’m honestly broken we said we would take a 6 month break if it didn’t work but at the moment I honestly feel like I want to throw the towel in once and for all and give up our dream of being parents and just get new dreams and hopes for the future, we have no diagnosis but a mix of mf and ff infertility husband has badly shaped sperm and I have low ahm, I did fall pregnant first year of uni but decided to terminate as it wasn’t with my now husband it was with a very big mistake of my life.

so basically ladies when do you know you’ve had enough as tonight my heart is honestly breaking and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I think I will look into counselling for the coming months not right now whilst it’s so raw as I’m afraid I would just spend the whole time in tears!

how is life so unfair 💔

OP posts:
Zypig · 04/04/2025 05:48

Hi OP, sorry that you’re going through this. Can you tell us a little more about your fertility status, what’s your AMH and what % is your DH’s morphology? It sounds like you’ve just done 2 transfers and maybe 1 collection so far? It’s tricky but in the sphere of IVF that’s not much - the average is for it to take 3 transfers.

Given your ages you should stand a good chance if you persevere. I was in counselling/therapy for that last 2 years. If you are to continue this journey I really see it as essential.

for context - I’m 34, TTC 4 years, low AMH (2.4-3.3 pmol when I was 31) and DH poor morphology (<2%). We’ve done 5 freezing rounds and 3 FETs over the last few years. Third FET finally worked - currently 37 weeks.

Original poster
Riley31 · 04/04/2025 08:54

Zypig · 04/04/2025 05:48

Hi OP, sorry that you’re going through this. Can you tell us a little more about your fertility status, what’s your AMH and what % is your DH’s morphology? It sounds like you’ve just done 2 transfers and maybe 1 collection so far? It’s tricky but in the sphere of IVF that’s not much - the average is for it to take 3 transfers.

Given your ages you should stand a good chance if you persevere. I was in counselling/therapy for that last 2 years. If you are to continue this journey I really see it as essential.

for context - I’m 34, TTC 4 years, low AMH (2.4-3.3 pmol when I was 31) and DH poor morphology (<2%). We’ve done 5 freezing rounds and 3 FETs over the last few years. Third FET finally worked - currently 37 weeks.

Edited

My amh was 6.1 at 29, husbands sperm count was <1 in nearly everything apart from quantity that was the only good number! Yes we have done one egg collection ( I found that a breeze we didn’t manage to get to many eggs but had 4 suitable for use and freezing so after this failed round we have two left, I honestly just find the transfers so traumatic as the medication gives you pregnancy symptoms so stupidly I let my hopes get high, I think a lot of people we know had one round it was successful for them so we honestly thought that would be us, none of our embryos are of great quality 4bb -3ab but our clinic tries not to hold up on quality to much.

im honestly not sure I have enough in me for round 3 and for it to fail again, and finance wise its honestly a bottomless pit!

OP posts:
Zypig · 04/04/2025 11:02

Hi OP, this is probably a funny thing to say but you have actually had quite good results getting 4 embryos from your first round - we managed to get just 2 (3BBs) from our first 3 collection rounds of freezing. AB/BB embryos are good. We managed to get one AA embryo this whole time and it ended in a MMC at 9 weeks due to chromosomal abnormality, our 3BA was the one that worked, so your clinic is right to not hold too much weight on the grade.

It sounds like it’s pretty tough for you mental health wise at the moment. Given you found up to egg collection OK and you got good results last time, you could opt to go for another collection to freeze while you’re still young and then give yourself a break. It costs more but you could test the embryos as that might reduce the chances of later failed transfers given that’s the tougher part for you.

good luck with whatever you chose!

Miraclemuma03 · 04/04/2025 12:26

I'm sorry your first two transfers didn't work, unfortunately this can happen. You have to remember that ivf is sort of the same as trying naturally as in every egg is not going to be fertilised and every embryo isn't meant to make a baby. It can take a couple of rounds to find the one embryo that works. So far your ivf cycle has been a good one despite no positive outcome just yet but that doesnt mean it wont happen. I always say that ivf is a hard way to have a baby because it takes a toll physically and mentally to get through it. The 2ww is hell for everyone , the best way to get through them is to not symptom spot, keep active, keep your mind busy and try to think about other things then the 2ww and definitely don't google everything. Maybe you need to take a couple of cycles off to refresh and collect yourself.

blacksnow · 04/04/2025 17:31

I’m really sorry to hear your story. I think counseling is a wonderful idea—it can really help you process everything and find some peace. My friends and I have seen many different paths taken. One couple chose to stop treatment and enter a child-free life. Another had success on their 10th IVF cycle. One couple skipped treatment and chose adoption from the very beginning. I remember another story—after a few failed IUIs, just a day before our friends' holiday, they got the call that they could adopt. Today, their daughter Lena is a happy, growing girl. Some friends had success with IVF using donor eggs, and one couple even conceived naturally after failed IVF cycles. Every decision comes with its own challenges, and some may mean the things that can’t be undone. But the most important thing is to choose what feels right for you—something you can live with, and hopefully not regret later.

Original poster
Riley31 · 04/04/2025 19:50

Zypig · 04/04/2025 11:02

Hi OP, this is probably a funny thing to say but you have actually had quite good results getting 4 embryos from your first round - we managed to get just 2 (3BBs) from our first 3 collection rounds of freezing. AB/BB embryos are good. We managed to get one AA embryo this whole time and it ended in a MMC at 9 weeks due to chromosomal abnormality, our 3BA was the one that worked, so your clinic is right to not hold too much weight on the grade.

It sounds like it’s pretty tough for you mental health wise at the moment. Given you found up to egg collection OK and you got good results last time, you could opt to go for another collection to freeze while you’re still young and then give yourself a break. It costs more but you could test the embryos as that might reduce the chances of later failed transfers given that’s the tougher part for you.

good luck with whatever you chose!

Yes I know I should be greatful as people have it worst, but you probably know how it feels and you feel like the word is up against you!

we have payed private for everything and don’t want to use any more savings as we are very lucky to be 30s with savings a low mortgage no finance on cars ect and I just feel like it’s going to be a money less pit I know you can’t put anything on a child but the heart brake is just to much :( x

OP posts:
Original poster
Riley31 · 04/04/2025 19:53

blacksnow · 04/04/2025 17:31

I’m really sorry to hear your story. I think counseling is a wonderful idea—it can really help you process everything and find some peace. My friends and I have seen many different paths taken. One couple chose to stop treatment and enter a child-free life. Another had success on their 10th IVF cycle. One couple skipped treatment and chose adoption from the very beginning. I remember another story—after a few failed IUIs, just a day before our friends' holiday, they got the call that they could adopt. Today, their daughter Lena is a happy, growing girl. Some friends had success with IVF using donor eggs, and one couple even conceived naturally after failed IVF cycles. Every decision comes with its own challenges, and some may mean the things that can’t be undone. But the most important thing is to choose what feels right for you—something you can live with, and hopefully not regret later.

Yes I really think it would be<3

its such a hard journey and we lost my husbands mum in January and she would have loved her youngest son to have a baby before she went, she had been ill for over a year but we feel she held on for dec cycle she was so exited as we where as we honestly thought we’d be the lucky ones after one cycle. I take my hat off to those who can go on for 10 cycles as it is the most difficult challenging thing I have ever faced! And I’ve faced a lot to get to where I am ❤️💔

OP posts:
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