Talk some sense into me - livid at MIL for jinxing me

[desperatelytryingforno2]

I know I’m being irrational. Or maybe I’m not. Maybe it’s just all the built-up frustration with MIL over the years, or maybe it’s the fact that I was never really superstitious—until now. Until trying for this second baby became everything. And now, I believe in every sign, every ounce of luck, every possible way to jinx it.

MIL helps out sometimes with our first—not because we’ve ever asked, just because she wants to. And since we’ve been trying for baby #2 for two years now, and our house is practically overflowing with IVF meds, she obviously knows what’s going on.

But over the last few days, she said to me, “I know for a fact you’ll have at least two more”, “do you know which hospital you’d pick to have the baby in?” and “with the new baby let’s do XYZ”. And to my three-year-old: “You’ll have a sibling soon for sure! Do you want a boy or a girl?” (My DC wasn’t asking about babies, she brought it up)

I wanted to scream. I don’t want my toddler running around telling people we’re trying. Hardly anyone even knows. And I definitely don’t want her speaking about this baby like it’s a done deal. Like it’s guaranteed. It’s not.

I’ve done five rounds of embryo banking. I’m about to do my first euploid transfer. It took a full year of IUIs and IVF just to get to this point. I have thought, at every step, surely this is it. Surely now it’s my time. Surely at 30, I can have another baby. Surely the odds are in my favor.

And now I’m crying because I can’t shake the fear that she’s just jinxed it.

Insensitive for her to jump the gun but it will have ZERO impact on your outcome. Zone out everything inconsequential.

You're 30, have previously carried a child to term and have a euploid good to go. This is a good position to be in.

Ah, @desperatelytryingforno2 , I'm sorry you've got such a thoughtless MIL. In answer to your request, no your MIL has not jinxed things for you, not at all. She does not have the power to do that. You still have a decent chance of having number 2 through IVF, or maybe even naturally.

However, I sympathise with the deep frustration of people telling you something will be fine when you know there is no guarantee that it will be (people used to do that to me about exams that I know I'd probably failed all the time). And I sympathise with how frustrating a thoughtless MIL/in-laws generally is. Mine are sometimes, and then I get so upset and frustrated. It sounds like maybe your DH needs to talk to her about that, and maybe particularly about what she's saying to your child. His mother, his responsibility. Personally though I say something to my MIL if I want to if she really stresses me out.

Somehow we have to find ways to de-escalate those upset emotions, as it makes us happier, which is good generally and also good for conception. Hopefully venting on here has helped a bit - feel free to do more of that. I pray you will successfully have number 2. We'd also love a number 2, but much older than you so less likely. I'm grateful for my 1 though!