Feeling apprehensive about starting IVF

[JJB92]

Hi

We'll be starting stims in the next 2 weeks after ttc for baby#2 for about two years and 10 failed medicated cycles.

I am feeling extremely apprehensive about the whole process. It's not that I am afraid of anything in particular, at least not consciously, I just really do not want to do it. The progesterone I'm on is really affecting my mood, so maybe that's part of it.

I really wish for our daugther to have a sibling and I know my husband desperately wants more children, but all I'm thinking is - please stop this train, I want to get off. I don't know how to shake this feeling at the pit of my stomach.

So I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe just wondering if anyone else felt this way and how you managed it?

Just wanted to say hi. I'm on a similar journey although I'm probably much older than you and really understand the "stop the train" feeling. I suffer with health anxiety and lockdown/covid put a stop to me actively trying for a second child when our first was around 5. She's now 10.

We have two frozen embryos left and I'm booked in for a natural transfer this cycle. I have a day 10 scan booked for next week. I'm trying to take it one day at a time. So much can go wrong at my age, I keep telling myself I don't have to do this but never trying again feels more painful. It's so difficult. I have no advice but wanted to say I understand. Good luck x

Thank you so much @TTCNO2AT44 ! I'm holding thumbs for you that the transfer goes well and that you'll get peace irrespective of how it turns out. 🤗🌸

I am in the same position! I just started a post about low ovarian reserve and IVF success because I was looking for some support.

I have low AMH / follicles and am 37. I’ve been off contraception but not necessarily religiously trying for 7 years on and off with not even so much as a whisper of a pregnancy. Once I thought it was a chemical, but I do have line eyes. At my first scan also my consultant told me she saw a sac and thick lining so had me excited only for that to be a negative test. We are now at the point where consultant has said to start urgently to maximise chances and now I’m faced with it I’m in the same boat. I just really don’t want to do it. I’m doing it because I know I’ll kick myself once ovulation stops if I don’t try, but I am terrified.

My husband and I have always been on the fence a little about kids as we both had traumatic upbringings ourselves and so we only recently came to decide that we were ready to do it within the last year or so, so that’s when we really started trying. We got tested 2’years ago so we knew my reserve was low, and thankfully it hasn’t gotten any lower but I am obviously older. But we feel so ready and my stupid body just doesn’t work. I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t work because I’m not supposed to have children. I also feel a lot like I’m letting him down and taking this away from him even though he has never said that and has always said he only wants kids if it’s with me and if it isn’t an option then he doesn’t want it.

We have always sortve planned a life without seeing as we were on the fence so I think we will be okay with it and I’m not massively disappointed or down that it hasn’t happened yet… I guess I am worried that starting the IVF will get me excited only to be sorely disappointed. Consultant has already implied I will likely need several cycles and also I have a short cervix due to previous abnormalities so there a high risk of miscarriage - if I get pregnant via IVF only just to loose it I don’t know if I could cope. I know that’s always a risk but it’s significantly higher with me. When the chances are so low it feels like a huge effort for likely no gain.

what’s making you feel that way OP? Is it just the thought of the process and a lack of drive and energy to do it?

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way @Iggilypiggily ! Opening yourself up to the potential heartache that comes with this whole process is very difficult. I really hopes it works out for you guys in a way that will give you peace, irrespective of what happens 🌻

I think I'm just really exhausted of the whole process. The progesterone really negatively impacts my mental health, and I'll have to keep taking it for the first 12 weeks even if I get pregnant, so that feels like a mountain before me even if we are lucky enough to get a success story.

But we are starting out injections tomorrow, so I am now really trying to change my perspective and go into this as positive as I can. Easier said than done, but I'm trying.

All the very best for tomorrow @JJB92 ! You’ve made that first step which is so exciting. And it is only a period of time in your life that has an end point, so that is one way to look at it that might help. I’m feeling a little more positive by looking at it that way.

let us know how you get on ❤️

Thank you! I really appreciate the well wishes

Hi @JJB92 I was just wondering how you were getting on?

Hi
Thanks for checking in. So far, I'm alright. Starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, but not too bad. I have my first scan tomorrow so then we'll know how things are progressing.

How are things your end?

Just to say I 100% understand the stop the train feeling! I actually abandoned a FET mid cycle in December because of it, felt so guilty about it at the time (no idea why!)

Gave it a few months of time and felt ready! Just had a failed transfer, now I very much feel ready and can’t wait to be pregnant again.

I think it’s natural to feel that way when you are making a big decision, be kind to yourself.

Thank you @LolaBumble !

I'm sorry about the failed cycle. I'm holding thumbs for you for the next one🌸