Thinking of calling it a day

[camelinastorm]

So confused and don't know what to do, IVF has controlled my life for 4 years, so I have had full 3 cycles 4 transfers, results; cycle one fresh transfer chemical (high grade) FET failed (very low grade shouldn't have been frozen really) next round totally failed, third round freeze all, FET resulted in miscarriage, have 2 embryos still frozen. I really don't think I can go back for anymore FET, has anyone got any words of wisdom, as I just feel right now it's all failing

Ivf is a very hard way to have a baby and it takes everything you have mentally, physically and financially and it's definitely a thr long game. I guess we continue to do it because we know what we get when we are finally successful. Have you had embryos tested or had any tests on yourself?

I know it’s super tough. Of course you’re exhausted. It’s lonely - and hard to make decisions when things are like that.

My tuppence on the FET - you’ve done the hard work already. The embryos are here. Seeing if they have the potential of life isn’t much more effort. You don’t have any what ifs.

We had a failed full round of IVF, second round first failed transfer and ended up with twins from two poorly graded embryos.

@Miraclemuma03 thanks for the support it means a lot, I have no family to speak to (they are the type that if it's meant to be natural it's meant to be, none of them have had a problem though) I have been tested there is nothing wrong, the clinic said there was no need to test the embryos as there was no suspected issues, we are MF. @IslandsAround wow super congratulations on the twins I'm just so in limbo do I choose to stop now, or will science choose for me and I don't know if that would be worse it's so hard as I don't know how I will feel, scared I will resent my hubby as we are MF as he chose in his younger years a vasectomy and then a reversal, crazy choices he made. IVF is just such a hard slog as you say this is now the easier and cheeper part, I have all my meds everything good to go but having a major wobble

@camelinastorm i know it's hard but my opinion is keep pushing forward. You have embryos on ice so use them, you don't know what the outcome will be unless you try them. Ivf is hard as I mentioned before but you still have other options. If you can muster up the long fight then I say push through as long as you can. Even if it's long enough to transfer your last embryos and then you can take time to reasses.

When was your last round? IVF is exhausting both physically and emotionally and I think sometimes just taking a break from it all is needed. We had 3 cycles within 1 year which all failed and nothing to freeze (had been TTC for 2 years prior to that) and then ended up kind of in limbo for a few years before I decided I wanted to try again. The embryos will still be there in the future so I think you can take time to decide if you wanted to transfer them and not decide right now Your clinic should offer counselling and if you haven't had this already might be worth considering?

I remember being in a similar position, sorry to hear you are going through this. X

@Shabzxx my last round was December, unfortunately time is against me due to age.
It's just so hard that so much is taken out of your hands and the low success rates not to mention the high costs

Hey I'm in a similar position. Been trying since late 2021, 6 cycles and no success (untested embryos, a couple early miscarriages). My last FET was May 2024, I have 4 embryos left and have been putting it off and cannot decide if I should keep trying or call it a day.

No words of wisdom, just wanted to message to say you aren't alone in feeling what you feel. I can't see your age; I am 43 later this year, so I fear a late miscarriage and also at the same time the reality of being a first time mum in my 40s (having a teen in my 50s) is becoming clearer.

I would say definitely have a convo with your partner. My husband is supportive and I wanted this more than him from the start, so in a way he is helping me be more realistic about this journey.

Best of luck in your decision.