Another round of IVF or accept reality

[DarceyM]

Hello!

My husband and I were so lucky to have been blessed with our son on our very first round of IVF when I was 40. We were left with 4 remaining embryos and had two transferred last year however, it didn’t work this time.

We have 2 embryos left but they are lower quality (2 x 3BB) and we don’t think they’ll be viable.

I’m now 42 and don’t know what to do next. Our clinic is in Greece so there is a lot of travel and arrangements needed so cost and time implications. Who knows what the quality of my eggs will be like, that’s if I even get any collected.

i’m really finding it hard to accept I probably won’t have anymore children but feel so selfish thinking that when we have our wonderful son. It’s such a huge thing to accept.

Any advice or words of wisdom to help me get though this. Hubby is supportive in that he says we can do what I want but I think he’d rather we just move on. And if I speak to anyone close to me they say “well you have H (my son)” and that makes me feel so ungrateful.

Feeling so trapped in a heart vs head situation. Maybe I just need some straight talking… thanks everyone!

Hi OP,

I don’t think 3BB are ‘lower quality’ embryos at all. Sure they are from eggs collected presumably when you were 40 but they are still decent grades and could be viable.

Im finally 33 weeks pregnant with our first (what seems) viable embryo, having had a MMC and BFN from our first two transfers. This leaves us with 4 frozen embryos (3AB, 3B+B+, 3B+B+, 3BC) and for sure I will at least try all of these before giving up as I don’t want to live with the what if. Obviously it’s a totally personal choice but given that you already have the embryos on ice and could transfer both together in one round personally I’d go for it.

Good luck whatever you choose.

They will only freeze embryos that are reasonable quality. The grading is just a number. We’ve had top grade embryo transferred and failed and a “lower quality” one work. I’d def use those before considering another collection.
You will also have less chance of abnormalities in your embryos created at age 40 than now

Our now 10 month old son was a Day 6 3BC - don't let the grade put you off. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide xx

Thank you all for your replies.

I think because my doctor went straight to a new round or donor eggs, instead of suggested we try again with my remaining embryos, I’ve assumed they wouldn’t be viable. I feel a bit silly actually because it just wasn’t a conversation so I should probably ask about that. He’s against testing embryos but that could be an option too.

i do hope I haven’t offended anyone by using the term ‘lower quality’ as I know it doesn’t actually matter. I got fixated on the fact they’ve sort of been dismissed.

I had a MMC with my first natural pregnancy and a chemical pregnancy with my second. So we’re nervous about that which plays a part in the anxiety too.

Two of the 6 NCT mums in our group are pregnant with their second and it’s a heavy pain I’m feeling. Even bloody Peppa Pig’s mum has made a pregnancy announcement and that made me so annoyed - how daft is that?!

Thank you so much much for your replies. It’s helped so much.

Not at all OP. I do wonder whether your consultant hadn’t remembered that you still had 2 in the bank as it seems odd not to at least consider trying with those. Not least financially as it’s cheaper than a full round!

On grading, my clinic (CRGH London) considers 3AA and 3AB as ‘excellent’, 3BB as ‘good’ and ‘3BC’ as average. Just in case you google ‘embryo grading’, the first image that comes up (attached) has been repeatedly criticised in academic literature as being incorrect and misleading! Alas it’s still top of the google hits.

Hello @DarceyM Hope you don't me jumping in. We had our daughter after 5 rounds of IVF (she was a 4AA), 4 years ago. I am now 41, and had an FET 9 days ago with a 3BB (from the same batch as our daughter). I know it's so early but currently all my tests are getting darker (and got a CB 2-3 weeks this morning). Of course, who knows what will happen over the next few weeks (i hear you about anxiety from previous MMCs & CPs).
After the transfer, I did so much research into embryo quality and found that the % difference of live pregnancies between 5AA and 3BB was something like 60% vs. 50% so not massive (obviously I'm not a scientist so no idea how true that is, and what the other factors were!). And it really is just a numbers game / luck (which I'm sure you know from previous IVF!). I also read loads of positive stories about 3BB embryos which have become lovely healthy babies and toddlers. So this is what I'm praying for.
Hopefully another chat with your consultant will help with a decision on whether or not to transfer your embryos or consider donors.
And oh my god the pain of NCT mums having their second (and even third!!) babies. And mummy pig - the nerve! There are bumps and new born babies everywhere and it is so so touch when you are TTC. Don't feel guilty about wanting a second. I am the same. My daughter is truly amazing, but I just dream of the day I'll be able to tell her she's going to be a big sister.
Lots of luck with whatever you decide (even if that's not to go ahead and your son is your wonderful blessing). x

Hello - you want another baby and you have lovely frozen embryos - the hard work has been done. We had poor transfers that didn’t take then ended up with twins from our ‘poorer’ graded embryos.

It’ll be much easier doing an FET overall and you won’t have ‘what ifs’.

Congratulations @Evi83 , that is wonderful news. Our son was a 4AA so a few similarities in our ‘journeys’. I hope you’re doing ok and wish you all the best with everything. Hope your daughter enjoys her role as big sister x I appreciate your reply, thank you.

Thank you so much @Zypig , I have indeed seen that image and have gone back and forth on 3BB being good and poor. I know it’s all nonsense really. I’ve allowed myself to get fixated on it. Thanks for taking the time to reply, you’ve really helped. Appreciate you taking time out to respond x

Thank you @CuriousGeorge80 , that’s really lovely and so reassuring. Thank you for your good wishes x

You’re so right @IslandsAround . I felt silly posting this earlier but I’ve been so lucky with such positive responses. Thanks for taking time to reply, it’s appreciated.

I would recommend asking the clinic about their experience with 3BB embryos, their success rates, and how many attempts they believe might be needed. As an additional source of information, you can explore myIVFanswers, where webinars feature insights from top fertility experts. The more information you have, the easier it will be to decide on your next steps. Wishing you clarity and success on your journey—hope this helps

@blacksnow that’s very helpful, thank you. I hadn’t heard of that but will give that a look. Thank you!