Coming to realise I will never be a Mum

[Pinklady81]

Hello

After a few years of unsuccessful private IVF and spontaneous pregnancies resulting in miscarriage , I am now at an age where my dream is over.

I have one day 5 blastocyst in the freezer from 2021 and just have no hopes this will work , plus the cost of it all . We have spent a lot as I'm sure all you followers will understand . I've had therapy before due to my miscarriages but this is like a final that's it over. I was in my local women's and children's dept today and it hit me so hard I'll never experience that, who will look after me when I'm old . I'm just eating myself up inside and when I try talk to others I get oh you have a stepchild though or have you thought of adoption? Has anyone else walked this path? Many thanks

I’m so sorry you’re feeling the weight of this. I’m working through my fertility journey right now but I have also had moments of that resounding, definite, crushing and absolute certainty of my destiny - where I won’t be a mother.

I think what I’ve struggled with the most is this has all happened out of my control. There’s not much in my life that I’ve wanted and not been able to work hard to achieve. Whereas conception/TTC has proven to me some things are just beyond my control, as painfully cruel and overwhelming as it is to accept.

One thought that has carries me through especially in recent years is that my ‘family’ is made up of more than biological relatives. In fact some of my friends have been more supportive and loving than some actual family. So my fear of not having anyone to ‘look after me when I’m older’ is something I feel I have to work on (as in, keep building and maintaining my friendship family to offset the lack of biological children). Also as cliched as it can sound, I’ve also come to accept and be proud of how I am a role model and mother-type figure to people in my life already. Not a typical mother but still passing on my experience, caring for others, nurturing and coaching people through moments in life. I might never become a biological mother to anyone but perhaps I can be thought of and loved by others in a maternal way.

sending you so much love in this time, I respect how bereft and shattering this can all feel and I hope you can move forward in a way that works for you.

Thank you for this@SeeTheHope it's very beautifully written and has given me things to think about . I hope your journey leads you to some happiness.

I hope the same for you. Take care of yourself.