Secondary infertility feeling alone

[Mummysparrow]

Hi
I wasn't sure where to post this ton be honest and the last thing I want to do is offend people. I feel like i don't belong in infertility groups because I haven't being suffering with infertility for years but I am struggling to cope with staying in TTC groups and starting to feel a bit alone.
I had to have a TFMR in May as my little boy have T16 which was fatal and since then struggled with conceiving. I found out towards the end of the year that I have an isthmocele from my first pregnancy in 2021 which is most likely the cause of my secondary infertility issues and I am due to have surgery on it next week along with endometriosis investigation.
After had my loss I thought I found my tribe with other ladies who had lost babies and were TTC. They are all now pregnant again and as they all conceived they slowly stopped talking to me.
I just feel a bit lost and a bit lonely. I know I don't really fit into infertility groups but find it hard to stay in TTC groups when I have the surgery coming up and can't TTC again for a few months.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your horrible journey.

I have just had my first IVF cycle (which failed) and have no children but I’m more than happy to keep you company during both of our journeys

infertility is awful - be it egg problem, MFI, unexplained or secondary. You should never feel alone in a forum designed for all of us fighting the same fight.

hopefully someone else better suited can help share the same experiences but I’m here for you if you need to vent and not feel alone x

You’re not alone, I’ve a daughter from my previous marriage
Currently ttc my second but his first 8/9 years
one failed ivf cycle may 2024 and going for second cycle in April

not even sure what I’m feeling to be honest

@ivfjourneyandme I appreciate that. I have seen tiktoks from people suffering from infertility berating people who have been trying less then a a year or 2 saying that those aren't issues etc and automatically assumed that I therefore wouldn't fit into the infertility tribe. So I appreciate your kind words. It's a horrible journey isn't it. How long have you been trying for if you don't mind me asking?

@FlutteryButtery2 how are you finding IVF? Did it take you long to conceive your daughter?

@Mummysparrow not in comparison, but she was a prem (29+4) with no real reason - may have been cord related but they don’t really know so I don’t know if that’s why I’m having literally no luck atall

Im very much in the camp of no one else needs to worry about my fertility except for me, I don’t want to be bitter and jealous of others, and I’m not however recently I’ve been feeling quite down about it all
I guess another birthday went by, another year has started.
Im finding it weirdly hard that a family member is due four days after we should have been if the transfer had worked - there’s no space for that either as it’s not a miscarriage but technically you’re pregnant - no idea what to call it

IVF was a breeze if I’m honest, egg collection was difficult but that was a pain related issue - I don’t remember it but apparently I did not tolerate it so I’m having a general anaesthetic next time
Nothing prepared me for 6 fertilised embryos all “dying” on the same day though (again I don’t really know what to call that)

Sorry it’s all a bit doom and gloom

Are you planning IVF?

@FlutteryButtery2 I have so many people around me who are pregnant and I have one friend who had her baby 2 weeks before my boy was due and I have seen her since September because of it. I don't want to lose her as a friend but finding it hard to bring myself to see her and her baby as it is a reminder that I should have a 2 month old baby. I did ok with other pregnant people but I am finding it so hard now and I am trying hard to not be bitter.
Oh god that sounds traumatic. So you you have to go through another egg collection soon then?
No plans for IVF. I conceived my little boy in 3 months last year so I am trying to remain optimistic that this surgery will fix things and I will be able to get pregnant easily again after. However I also realise that it could lead to real disappointment if I think like that if it doesn't happen quickly. I am also turning 36 in June so age isn't on my side 😭

@Mummysparrow we we’re trying for 2.5 years. Severe male factor Infertility and turns out I have shit eggs too.

Our first cycle ended unexpectedly with none of the eggs fertilising so been told if happens again at next cycle; we won’t be parents 😞

Hi, Iv got a DC via IVF and trying for a second via IVF there's actually a really recent thread on mumsnet in the infertility section that would exactly suit your situation. Can't remember what it's called but have a look! I'm mustering up the courage to join myself really as I can't find another thread for my exact situation (TTC for second via IVF) I would literally have struggled to stay sane with my first IVF baby if it hadn't been for mumsnet, it's such a useful tool and since no one in real life knows we had ivf (not even my mum or siblings! ) it's so good to hear from other and have someone to talk to!

Just wanted to message and say i totally understand how you feel. I feel so alone in this. Been ttc for 13 months. No reason found so far. Gp wont refer us to fertility until we have been trying for 2 years. Period due in a few days and had a light spot of blood this morning and just burst into tears. Im a nurse and at work there is 5 girls currently pregnant (some started trying after me and other fell completly by accident). I feel i intentionally try to avoid being near them. Im meant to be one of the girls bday dinners this weekend right when my period will come and i feel i just cant go as im honeslty so jealous. I hate who i have become x

@Mummysparrow just a quick message to say good luck and hang in there. Also to reassure you that approaching 36 age is actually still on your side! There is not a cliff at 35.

Apologies everyone I have ADHD so I either respond quickly or it takes me 3 business days 😂
@sirensong it's more than I have had a pregnancy with a chromosome abnormalities so my risk of it happening again are now increased and increase more over the age of 35.
@Nicola1988 2 years? Where do you live? It's supposed to be 6 months if over 35 otherwise if trying over a year. I would highly recommend hertility for checking hormones privately. Fairly affordable and quick results. I did a private pelvic scan at ultrasound direct which was how I first discovered the c section defect. It helped me taking things intoy own hands. Hertility coste about £140 as I had a discount code and £145 for the scan.
@Cherryblossom90 I will have a look thank you ☺️

I live in scotland. I had such high hopes for now being referred onto fertility for further testing but iv seen two gps...one nearly 6 months ago done my day 21 bloods and the other now is going to to my day 3 bloods and say i dont meet criteria for fertility referrals until 2 years ttc.. Started spotting today the moment i ripped open a pregnancy test. Absolutly heartbroken. Partner and i just broke down in tears. I have a daughter with my ex husband with whom u also battled infertility with due his very low sperm count. After spending years before on this journey i didnt expect to be here again x

@Mummysparrow I hope your surgery went well! I’ve just been told I also have a large isthmocele from my emergency c section 5 years ago. Can I ask did you receive treatment for this on the NHS? I’m trying to get someone to listen to me that the symptoms are debilitating and I have no chance of carrying another baby as I have to have ivf for other reasons and the won’t transfer with persistent fluid present but it’s proving challenging so far!

@Jasper2021 I am now 4 months post repair. Surgery went well and they found stage 4 endometriosis at the same time which was removed 😬 I actually had the surgery privately. I had a scan due to abnormal bleeding on the NHS and they did do a referral to gynaecology after noticing the isthmocele however I decided I just didn't want to waste time and have to fight the NHS to get the surgery. I was lucky in that my health insurance covered the cost but I would have done a payment plan with Nuffield health if I had to.
What kind of symptoms do you have?