Bringing a toddler to IVF appointments...

[Cherryblossom90]

Thought about doing this question as AIBU, but Idon't want to get flamed!

My question is what are people's general opinions about bringing little kids to fertility appointments?

When we did our first few IVF cycles for DC1 I sometimes saw mums with children come to appointments and I have to say I always thought it was so insensetive and swore I'd never do it....
But now I actually have a toddler and Im struggling with arranging childcare for her over so many appointments and I'm thinking would it really be so bad to bring DC with to appoinents? These would be just the quick bloods and scan ones you need when on stims.

Just to add DC is a fairly well behaved and quiet child so it's not that she would disturb others and I'd keep her strapped in the buggy during bloods & scan my issue is rather I don't want to cause any other patients extra unnecessary sadness.

YABU- you can't bring a child to a fertility clinic that's so insensitive
YANBU- don't worry about inadvertently causing others upset just bring the child if you can't find a babysitter

I don't think it's insensitive OP, if anything it might give people hope! I personally never felt any way about seeing toddlers or babies in the waiting room of the clinic, someone could walk outside and see a someone pushing a pram, would people feel the same about seeing that? Not sure, can't speak for others. Me personally as someone who has no children yet wouldn't be offended by it!

Also, good luck!! X

I heard a baby in my clinic the other day and looked up and smiled. It's not insensitive in my book. Children are everywhere, it's unavoidable, and it's what we're all there for. I was just pleased for that mum.

My clinic does not allow them now - I've had treatment a few years ago and I remember seeing them occasionally and feeling sad but now I'm back starting again I've noticed their information saying it's not allowed. In my personal opinion, I would do anything to avoid it.. for me personally it would make me sad and feel (totally irrationally, I know!) "why are you here if you have a baby, it's not fair, I haven't even got one".

I appreciate all of that is my issue but you are asking for opinions so I am giving you mine which I think might be fairly common.

(And yes, I do feel sad seeing others with babies/pregnant etc in the street but it's weirdly reassuring when I'm in the clinic as I feel I'm not alone in my position as the others there are in the same boat so it is a bit different).

I think the fact that it bothered you before you were a mum should tell you the answer...

Thanks for your replies. It interesting to see what people think. I hear what your saying about babies being about in general life anyway but on the other hand I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I personally wouldn't want to see babies or children whilst I'm at my clinic.... I think if you asked me this question during my first or maybe even second round, I'd be okay, as I was optimistic and full of hope that that would be me in no time. However, when things start to become more unlikely and you're in the clinic for a review after another miscarriage, another failed or cancelled cycle, or to confirm another negative pregnancy test, I wouldn't find it helpful at all. The person with the child has probably been through a lot too, but they have been one of the 'lucky' ones.

Yes there are triggers everywhere we go, but to not have triggers within the clinic would be a bonus.

I know many might disagree, but wanted to share my views for rounded opinions! X

Sorry but no, I don't think it's appropriate given the highly sensitive environment.

@Cherryblossom90 could you speak to your clinic and see if there is a back door that you could go in? And you could wait in car and they could let you straight into your appointment room? Can totally understand why people would be upset seeing children in there but also understand that life with a toddler is difficult to try and navigate appointments around.

i think it’s lovely of you to have asked the question ❤️

I would find it very upsetting and hard to deal. Esp as it’s such an emotional process.

I would like to think rational me would see it as a mum having no choice and be fine with it.

Me, on stims, potentially being told it’s another failure may think otherwise.

As one poster said, you thought it was insensitive when you was in the shoes of others with no children so that in itself may be an answer?

But completely understand the tricky situation you’re in! Best of luck for your IVF journey xx

I think it would be really insensitive to bring a baby/child

My previous clinic didn’t allow it.

My current clinic you can’t bring a baby or child to appointments unless by arrangement and they have a different timetable. I didn’t know this until after I had my baby because they don’t tell you.

I think that’s a good thing, yes there are babies in life generally but when going to the clinic where you might be sitting waiting to see if those one or two little follicles are going to grow or if this is going to be another cancelled cycle the last thing I wanted to see was a baby.
I am very fortunate that treatment did eventually work but after many IVF cycles.

My clinic is within a hospital, there's nothing to say they aren't allowed but they are very firm on not bringing them to other hospital appts, so I don't bring her to the clinic, I also think it can be quite insensitive. Also my toddler would probably have a tantrum for whatever reason which would be horrible for both me and the nurse (and may put some off still wanting a child!) - I had a smear when she was 8wks and it was so so awful - the nurse had to keep retrying, I was in pain because the nurse couldn't concentrate, all because of a crying baby.

Most places wouldn't let you take them and I don't think it's appropriate. I think some people would certainly find it insensitive. Either arrange childcare or have someone else go with you so they can wait in a local cafe or something while you have the appt.

Thanks for all your replies. Looks like I was right to think it would be a bad idea to bring DC if my childcare fell through. I was just canvassing opinion as I sometimes over think these things. Will look at more childcare options then. Thank you all for your pov.

@Confusedddddddd I don’t know if it was your crying baby or someone else’s loud crying distracting the nurse. But either way it makes a medical appointment more difficult.
Your comment though about how your toddler crying or tantrumming may put people off having a child is like those really annoying people who say ‘you can’t have kids, here, have one of mine’. Those throwaway comments bother me when directed to people who so far have not been able to have children.

@Cherryblossom90 glad you will look at other options. I had my last 2 embryo transfers alone because we didn’t have alternative childcare. The clinic staff were very nice (and I guess many single women might go alone if they don’t want to bring someone else).

Children aren’t allowed in our clinic and I’m glad tbh. Feels like it should be an adult only space.

Children weren't allowed at our clinic.

If they are prepared to go through IVF why would a tantrum put them off?

@LongerthanMrTicklesarms @IVFmumoftwo I'm sorry it caused offence - it certainly wasn't meant that way. I was simply trying to say that bringing a toddler to any kind of medical appt generally makes things difficult for everyone.

I feel really shit now - maybe blame the IVF hormones. Just remember that everyone on these boards is likely in a shit situation.

@Confusedddddddd Don't feel shit. It's really not worth it. As you said, you didn't mean to cause offence and you have apologised.

Yeah, I was really surprised on the couple of occasions I saw a baby or a toddler at my clinic - especially since when I finally got my positive and had my 7 week heartbeat scan they were cautious that I be discrete going back into the waiting room (presumably because I was grinning from ear to ear after having waited for good news for so long).

Btw if you can’t get alternative childcare, you will be far from the only single woman there. As a SMBC ,I tended to notice more I think, and I would estimate that over the years about a third of the people in the waiting room at my clinic were on their own (though presumably due to childcare or partners at work rather than all SMBC).

Thank you @IamnotwhouthinkIam now I think about it it's true some people come alone.

I don’t blame you at all btw for wanting someone there @Cherryblossom90 . The first time I brought my Mum with me on some occasions- but I’ll have no choice but to go alone as others do this time, as she’s the only one my son will tolerate being babysat by for that length of time (my clinic is some distance away).

Your DC does sound better behaved/quieter than my almost three year old 🤣 but I just couldn’t trust my son to always sit quietly for the length of time some appointments can take - and what if they are running late? He’d be off trying to explore after half an hour at most, or worse depending on his mood/tiredness. Personally, as much as I want her there, I don’t see how I can risk it.

It wasn’t to make you feel shit - it was just a comment in a conversation thread to point out the effect language has, the jokey bit about people would change their minds after hearing your toddler. I heard all kinds of nonsense about the advantages of being child-free when I really didn’t want to be. You’ve been there, but maybe those comments didn’t bother you because I know everyone is different. The same way a few people (I believe in the minority) said it would give them hope to see a baby in a fertility clinic.

I think although for me the process has worked, I haven’t come out unscathed emotionally.

It’s hard going back to the clinic for further treatment, absolutely it is, good luck with it.

Definitely very insensitive. It's like bragging about your good luck to others who may be on their 10th cycle, have bad news on their follicles, etc. I'm saying this as a new mom who finally got blessed with my miracle baby, I wouldn't take him to an IVF appointment, insensitive and rude for the other patients.