First IVF cycle at 39y/o - Disappointed with first monitoring scan.

[RoseWinter]

I turned 39 a month ago and have just started my very first IVF cycle on the NHS. I had excision surgery for stage 4 endo in summer 2023, which went really well and I recovered really well so they've started me on a long protocol.

I've been on stims for the past 4 days and had my first monitoring scan for it today and I'm so disappointing and disheartened at the results. It looks like I have 3 good sized follicles only 😞with another 2 smaller ones which I was told are unlikely to grow any further. It's really knocked me.

I'm not sure we'll be able to afford another round if this one fails and now having a family of our own feels so out of reach.

Does anyone have any positive experiences with a low follicle count? I guess I'm looking for some hope to come back to me. The lady who scanned me said it does only take 1 egg but I just feel so broken with how low my initial count was.

@Eagerlywaiting1990
@HopefulllHolly

Thank you for your kinds words. It's been quite the up and down emotions.

I thought I'd just do a little update as I kind of spoke in riddles in my last message.

Today is my official test day and I got a BFP ❤️

It's very early days right now so I'm staying grounded but I'm so pleased. I have to admit, it's been difficult to get excited or enjoy though because I'm so nervous about it all being so early. Even writing this message hoping nothing goes wrong after I send it.

It truly does only take one. My odds were really low!! 3 retrieved, 1 fertilised and made it to blastocyst. Endometriosis and potential fibroid too. I have a long road ahead but for now quietly being pleased and relieved. I will keep praying and hoping for little one to thrive. x

@RoseWinter Oh my gosh! I am so happy for you! I was hoping you’d have a positive outcome. Congratulations ❤️ The wait from now between your scan and then the onward scans are really difficult - I found that taking it day by day and reminding myself that today you are pregnant, and keep as busy as you can. I went to a couple of private scans as well to keep a close eye - whatever helps you navigate the anxiety. I really hope that it’s smooth sailing - like you I was worried at every stage and I don’t think I ever really relaxed, but each day it got easier.
Sending you and your little miracle egg lots of positive wishes and hope xx

@HopefulllHolly thank you so much! ❤️ I'm honestly so shocked and I'm not quite sure how to process it. My scan date is in another 2 and a bit weeks so that's going to be a real nightmare to get through.

I had anxiety around 6DP5DT so tested and had a faint positive and convinced myself that it was the trigger still in my system, then I ended up in a testing frenzy and testing every day sometimes twice a day and the line was slightly getting stronger but not massively, until yesterday and this morning it was pretty strong but not quite at dye stealer levels. I am so grateful right now but firmly grounded and trying to stay positive. I haven't had that kick of excitement and happiness yet because of how emotionally draining the whole journey has been so far. I think a part of mebisbtoo scared to be too happy or excited too as non of the IVF journey was enjoyable. Think I'll start to believe it more once I've had a scan and can see something on the screen.

I don't intend on sharing this with any friends or family just yet and I'll not be doing any announcements etc because of my anxiety. I think, God willing and hopefully if I'm able to carry successfully, when I start to show is when I'll just turn up and let people see that I'm expecting. Hopefully 12 weeks will be just before Mother's Day so we only intend on telling close family and friends at that point but that's it.

I'm sure at some point I'll do another update on here as I do find this forum helpful when I don't feel comfortable turning to people in my personal life. Thank you everyone for your encouragement and support so far. Means the world to be able to speak freely x

@RoseWinter I am absolutely delighted for you! Congratulations!
I'm due in for my second transfer tomorrow and have been feeling very cynical but this was a lovely pick me up. Xx

Thank you. It really does only take one, I'm so overwhelmed by it all. All the emotions and feeling quite rubbish about my body not responding very wellnto the stims. Hoping this little miracle stays with me now. Keeping you in my thoughts @Eagerlywaiting1990 sending you all the luck in thr world. Anything, absolutely anything is possible x

@RoseWinter thanks lovely. I'm sure it will be, just keep the faith 🥰. Hopefully I'll be joining you on the pregnancy train xxx

You will @Eagerlywaiting1990 🫶🏼 it's our year 🤞🏼 x

Here's hoping @RoseWinter ! 4 days in and my head is fried already 🤣 xx

How did the transfer go? I tested early, super early and convinced myself it wasn't real xx

Yeah it all went well but that happened with my last transfer too and it ended up being a negative so I can't take much from that. When did you test? My husband really wants me to wait and I know I couldn't keep the outcome from him so I'm gonna hold off until next Friday xx

@Eagerlywaiting1990 I'd 100% wait because the anxiety having done a test and then feeling the need to keep testing was insane. It was becoming obsessive even. I tested from 4DP5DT and had a faint positive and thought it may be the trigger, then tested every day up until day after OTD because I didn't believe it and wanted to make sure it was line progression etc. I didn't do any of that "testing the trigger" because I didn't even know what that was until after testing a few days in a row and reading on some other threads that was a thing. I'm sending you all the love and luck and baby dust, I really am hoping its a positive for you and it all works out this time xx

Yeah that's my fear, I worry that if it's a negative early on then there's no clarity, I'll just hope for it to turn into a positive down the line. I think waiting until day 10 will be manageable....but time will tell 😂. I will keep you posted lovely. Hope you have a lovely, smooth pregnancy ahead as well xxxx

@RoseWinter I got my BFP this morning!!!!! Eeek!!!! In absolute shock!! Xx

Hi OP. Hope everything is going well for yoy. Your post has given me some hope as I am now in the same boat as you. Also on 450 meriofert and not getting a great response with the follicle count. They want me to stim for an extra 3 days. Fingers crossed xx

Omg this is amazing news! Congratulations @Eagerlywaiting1990 !

Hang in there little one ❤️

I'm glad this post has given you some hope and solace. It really does only take one egg. I'll hold you in my thoughts and hope you get the result you want ❤️

* Final update and trigger warning *

As I've posted my journey on here so far I'll do my final update here. It's not good news.

I'm 6 weeks 4 days pregnant and today I had my first scan to check whether my pregnancy was viable. Unfortunately it's not. They saw a gestational sac and a yolk sac but no fetal pole. My yolk sac also appeared very small, smaller than they would have liked at this stage. There looks like there is some of my lining coming away but I've not experienced any pain or bleeding at all. In fact, I had very little pregnancy symptoms at all but strong positive pregnancy test results. My IVF clinic believe this means I'll go into active miscarriage in the coming days. They said sometimes a pregnancy can be a little bit behind but they are 99% sure mine won't progress, however they want me to stay on cyclogest until my local hospital see me. They contacted my local hospital and they're scanning me again on Thursday and then we'll go from there with what happens next.

I am broken today, my partner and I both are. We'll not be doing any more IVF cycles due to the cost of it and will try naturally going forward. My odds were so low to begin with and with my age (39), endometriosis, a blocked fallopian tube and a potential fibroid, I'm not sure it'll ever happen for us but something is keeping me hopeful (or maybe naive, I don't know).

I'll be logging off for now to process everything. Take care all x

@RoseWinter if you see this, and totally understand you may just need an immediate break from the thread, then I'm so so sorry. Its devastating news to get after all you've been through. Wishing you the best and take care of yourself xx

I'm so sorry @RoseWinter xxxx

@RoseWinter So sorry to hear this. Sending hugs to you and your partner. I hope you’ll get there one day xx

Awww @RoseWinter I am so incredibly sorry. This whole process can be so so cruel and such a horrible rollercoaster of emotions. Please look after yourself and if you can summon the energy to try naturally then please do as the likelihood of getting pregnant now is much higher after having been pregnant. Really thinking of you xx

Thank you all so much for such kindness. I turned to this forum as this was such a private journey we kept from friends and family so I had nobody to really talk to. Today has been so hard on us both and we've comforted each other through as much as possible and will continue to do so. You've all been wonderfully supportive. Thank you. I hope, for those on this crazy journey, it's good news and your miracle finally happens. All the best xx