Did you tell work about your IVF?

[BussiBop23]

I know that no one can answer this for sure, but I am unsure of what to do...

Got our first fertility clinic appt in early Feb.

I'm also being asked to commit to things at work for next summer, which include potentially 5/6 weekends away, doing a fairly physically and mentally exhausting job.

I'm a pretty private person, so work doesn't know any of our TTC struggles, but I feel like I'm being a bit deceitful by committing to things I might not be able to do.

Would you tell work? Or just wait and see how things play out?

Just to add, I don't think my boss will be overly supportive.

Thanks!

I told work when I was going through ivf
At the time I was a community care worker ,my work was very supportive thankfully
They understood I'd need some time of for appointments and things ,and now I'm currently sat here replying to you holding my 2 weeks old son ,couldn't be happier :)

My workplace provide extra leave for those going through any fertility treatments so I would but whether you want to tell them is up to you but it might be no harm to let your direct manager know I suppose, support wise

I told my work purely because I needed time off work at short notice for appointments. Managers were great and allowed paid special leave days to be taken

My work also provide leave for fertility treatment but I still didn’t tell them, it was not worth sacrificing my privacy for. I did multiple rounds and it was tricky at times but after each failed round I was always glad I hadn’t told them.

it’s not deceitful @BussiBop23 because there will be people out there TTC all the time and committing to work projects they might have to later withdraw from. Or people job hunting and saying yes to meetings 6 months from now.

Good luck and do what works for you.

I didn’t tell work either. I took a week of annual leave the week planned for egg collection. I managed to get some appointments early in the morning before work or after and it worked out ok. I didn’t want them knowing my business . I think avoid telling them if you can especially if they are not going to be supportive.

I told work because otherwise wouldn’t have a reason for short notice missing work/being late, without flat out lying about being ill. It took some of the stress out of it for me and they also let me WFH during the key period which really helped. When I do a FET I’m not planning to tell them.

Thanks everyone - a real mixed bag of replies.

I think for now, I'm not going to say anything. I'll see how the first appointment goes and if they can give me a rough time scale on when we could do our first round, I'll decide if I want to tell work then.

Glad lots of you had supportive workplaces...unfortunately I don't think mine will be!

I didn't tell but managed to get early meetings just to get around it. I ended up telling HR only as my manager was quite frankly being a d* even me saying I need a pre-planned medical leave. So had to submit paperwork to HR just to get my direct manager off my back.

Maybe just say it's related to some gynecological matters as nobody will question you on something like that.

I found being honest and upfront at work helped me manage appointments. I do have a very supportive manager so that helps.

Check your work policies in the first instance. If there are good policies in place already then you know you will be supported. If not, then it may be a bit tricky.

Also, things to consider are

• Distance to clinic
• How are they generally? I was with Create and used to have to wait a bit for my turn if I was not the first or second patient

Most scan appointments are in-and-out so really won't take up too much time. You will need at least a day off for egg collection.

Yes. I work from home, so I just explained my situation to one HR lady and my manager (also female), I just felt like I had to explain why I would have to take a few medical leave days on a short notice due to not always predictable times of appointments/procedures. They were very understanding, wished me best of luck etc. I think most people become more understanding if you are open with them.

Even if it was just for scan I needed to take at least half day off because the clinic is in central London and I live in Essex. I took full day for egg retrieval, worked next day though (wish I didn't).

Hello,

A little update and wondering if anyone has any advice?

A very long-awaited promotion opportunity has come up at work, which I'm very interested in.

Now I really think it's best not to tell work about the ivf. I don't want to give them a reason not to consider me.

But am I crazy to go for a promotion when I could also be doing ivf at a similar time?

I got promoted at work 6 months before I started my IVF, at which point I knew it was definitely going to happen early on in the role (I reached the top of the NHS waiting list on 1st Feb last year and the promotion started two weeks later). I also told my line manager and HR when I was due to start my cycle of IVF (I'm a teacher so I can't take annual leave, and figured honesty is the best policy as I knew I'd have to take last minute appointments). It's had no bearing on how I've been treated at work, they've been very supportive, and I've continued to be developed as a relatively new leader (the cycle worked and I'm now 20 weeks pregnant).

Where are you up to the in the IVF process? My thinking when I applied for promotion was that I can't put everything in my life on hold for "what if" or "just in case". If I'd turned down the promotion and then the IVF hadn't worked, I'd be kicking myself now. Worst case scenario, I might eventually decide motherhood and leadership is too much for me, and drop back down to teacher level. But that's a problem for 2026! At least now I have multiple options to consider. Best of luck whatever you decide to do, and with the IVF too.

Hi,

First of all sorry to tell you but IVF can fail first time and even second time for many many couples. So don't worry about 'deceiving' work! Imagine how you will feel if you tell work and get passed over for promotion becuase of this and then have 2/3 years of waiting for the IVF to work.... You will kick yourself for having mentioned it!

Can you avoid telling work @BussiBop23? If you can I would advise that.

Like someone else said can you say you've got some gyni investigations at short notice or some hospital appointments or something like this.

My husband needed to take some mornings off work at short notice due to investigations he needed to do on his sperm for IVF as well supporting me with appointments and attending the egg collection. He just told work he has a series of hospital appointments over the next few weeks and would need to take some sick days off for this and the dates might changes at short notice. He would have been mortified to mention IVF to his not v supportive bosses!

Wishing you much sucsess on you IVF journey!

@BussiBop23 - go for promotion and don't tell work about it. Here's my thinking behind it: you never know how long IVF will take (I'm over two years at it already, I really hope it will be much quicker for you); once you are promoted there's not much they can do even if you finally get pregnant.

I never told my work about it and was promoted at year end. The promotion is mine already, there's very little they can do about it now. And if I do get pregnant I'll simply manage my work load accordingly. I worked extremely hard for it so I don't feel guilty in the slightest.

Thank you for your replies everyone, they've been really helpful.

You're completely right, I can't put my life on hold on the hope that IVF will work - I will go for the promotion, and I won't tell work. Like I said in a previous post, I expect they wouldn't be supportive at all and would only hold it against me when I go for the new role.

I guess my only concern now is, do I want to put myself under the extra stress of an interview process and potential new job, all while going through IVF, or would I regret not giving my absolute all to the IVF process.

I know no one can see into the future and answer that for me. Doesn't life sometimes feel like it's all or nothing!?

Thanks again everyone, and wish you all the best.

I've told my immediate team, because I spend 5 days a week with them and I need their support and understanding, they've been brilliant
I told my HR manager and she was equally supportive, but she was then fired the day I got my actual treatment dates. My direct line manager is aware and that's enough for me.

I’d wait and see—many things could happen

I went for a promotion while waiting for IVF (had tried Clomid and had other tests at that point and knew my NHS IVF appointment would come up soon. I had my first appointment at the clinic the same month I started the new role. I started my first treatment round within 3 months of starting the job.

I was very fortunate to go on maternity leave eventually after over 4 years in post and many further private IVF cycles.

For me I was glad I hadn’t told them.

Plenty of women TTC while applying for promotions, it’s just that with treatment added in it feels so deliberate and not all workplaces/managers will be supportive. Or they will be supportive and ask questions and frankly after so much treatment I didn’t feel like talking about it at work at all.
Obviously hope it doesn’t take you so long but I would go for the promotion.

Hi OP,

I went for promotion in August and pulled out the day of the interview as I knew we would be starting IVF in September.

I have been grateful to be able to give my all to the IVF (in TWW now) without the stress of a new role.

Saying that though,I’d be on more maternity pay (if I’m lucky enough to get a positive) so it really is up to you and your individual circumstances.

good luck on your journey xx

@BussiBop23 does your company have any sort of Fertility policy? I didn't realise mine did until I started IVF, worth a look! It's so tricky to know what to do but I'd echo the others here and say go for the promotion as you never know what will happen timing wise with IVF and if erhn you get there you need to change things, you can do, you're not locked in forever, but in this very hard process it's nice to also have things moving forward in the rest of your life!

My work knew I'd had losses, complications and fertility investigations going on for a while before starting IVF so I was happy to be very open about it and luckily it is a supportive company. They offered me reduced hours which I have now taken, bur also its made going ro appointments less stressful- my clinic is a 40 minute journey from home and its not unusual for me to be there 1.5-2 hours if I'm having a scan, bloods, nurse consult and picking up meds on a busy day, so it would have been tricky to keep it a secret for 2 rounds of egg collections, 1 abandoned FET and multiple tests.

If they did know you were doing IVF and actively discriminated against you for it they're putting themselves in a pretty dodgy position but personally I'd go for.the promotion now anyway and keep it to yourself, and tell them if you need to later! Good luck

Definitely look to see if your work has a fertility policy - it often offers paid time off or flexible working for treatment.

I told my boss recently as I wanted 2 days off for egg collection. All I said was I was undergoing treatment and I might need some time off.

She was brilliant and really supportive. She told me to carry on going a good job at work but now was not the time to 'excel' or push myself. She said don't bother with anything that is not worth your time or going to be stressful and that she could cover any weekends on call for me if I needed time to rest.

Our office is currently undergoing a restructure so I am due to gain 2 members of staff in my team in a few months in what will be an expansion of my role and she has promised me a pay rise as a result of this, but how much is still to be discussed.

There is a chance I will be pregnant then but I also might not. I don't think it will effect what they offer me in anyway, and if anything, I slightly think it gives me an upper hand as they won't want to risk looking discriminatory.

@BussiBop23 you mentioned that your current job is physically and mentally exhausting. Would the new role make that better or worse?

It's one thing to have the stress of starting a new role vs doing a job that's draining you of all energy all the time.

Sometimes one of the reasons we feel so drained is because we've been in the same job for too long, lost motivation, got a bit jaded etc. Not saying that's what's happening in your case, but if it is, I would say go for the new role (which you say you've been waiting for a long time anyway).

I would think of the stress you anticipate as being more like nervous excitement 🙂

I guess my only concern now is, do I want to put myself under the extra stress of an interview process and potential new job, all while going through IVF, or would I regret not giving my absolute all to the IVF process.

OP, my advice would be, do not put anything on hold.

You haven't even had your first appointment yet and you don't know what will happen. Keep living your life as if it wasn't happening, and change in response to things if and when they do happen.

Having been through 5 years of fertility treatment, there are a lot of things I put on hold that I wish I didn't. Sometimes, the process is slow. You have to carry on doing your life as your normally would and make decisions normally, until it prevents you from doing so. It's the only way.