Unreasonable feelings, can't stop being hurt..

[Munchkin88]

I have had numerous miscarriages.
Had a miracle LO then more miscarriages. I adore being a mum and if I could I would have more.
My DH has 2 other children.

But he has had a vasectomy. I obviously had no choice in the matter and I respect it is what he wants. But I can't stop feeling angry, hurt and resentful. I think its because going through so much loss and infertility it's the feeling of my choice in my life being taken away again. The hurt of infertility was hard enough to accept by nature but having it decided for me, It seems to have triggered the bad memories :(

I tried to explain but he blamed my miscarriages on being why he did it..that I would only lose more 😭😭

How to I stop feeling so angry?

Sorry wasn't sure where to put this. I feel my emotions all stem from the issues I have had.

I can't express myself to anyone in real life. Whoever he tells congratulate him. I feel like a pressure cooker of pain. I'm also not sure why it has triggered all the painful memories on a loop.

I guess I was hoping someone could just validate how I feel, that I'm not awful and if you think i will move on? It's been 6 months and it hasn't relented yet..I guess I thought those without fertility issues may not have the memories of loss, pain and desperation triggered so would automatically assume I'm acting bizarre feeling this way.

Hi OP I experienced multiple miscarriages had one naturally conceived child and then more losses and 2 ruptured ectopics - I can honestly say if my husband had got a vasectomy without discussing it I'd be really really hurt. I know there is the whole "your body your choice" argument but this is something fundamental to your marriage.
I'm not sure I'd ever forgive him for taking my choice away so I totally understand your feelings about this x

I wouldn't of got married if I knew he wanted this in all honesty.

It may be because it's triggered my memories and pain. But I feel he knew my hurt, what I went through. (I got very poorly after one of the losses) it feels like the person that is meant to love me has knowingly hurt me. I understand his choices and respect them, but can't I too have a say in my life. Couldn't we have agreed we had different desires and paths in life before marrying :(

I feel stuck now. You can't divorce over someone's valid choice, I'd look wild. So I feel I am living a life on his terms and my voice is redundant.

Hi there, I'm sorry you are in this position. I once too felt like that (different but somewhat similar: different wants/needs).

Have you had a honest conversation with your DH? That you want to keep trying for now? Vasectomies are reversible.. and if he doesn't want to do that, have you considered (and will he be open to) donor sperm?