Just a well needed rant!

[Cornish13]

I don’t really have anywhere else to rant because my friends and family don’t fully understand as they’ve never experienced infertility. Myself and my partner are experiencing secondary infertility and have done for 2 years, I want nothing more than to give my daughter the sibling she desperately wants and deserves. I have so much more love to give.

We visited my partners friends earlier and their parents were also there. His mum was a lovely lady, couldn’t ask for someone to be any nicer. She adored our daughter and was going on about how her daughter in law is about to have another and she expects she’ll be pregnant again soon after, she was clearly a proud nanny. Then the dreaded question comes.. “are you planning on anymore?” Then comes that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that you know too well. The pain in your heart. The guilt comes crashing in. I never really know what to say as they never mean harm and you don’t want to burden them with your pain so you just come out with “maybe”. And then that’s it, the day you was once enjoying comes crashing down and you just want to crawl into your bed in a darkened room and cry for a little while.

I just hope someday I’ll never have to answer these questions again and never have to feel these feelings again as they really are crap.

Rant over x

Oh bless you! I know the feeling way too well. I’m a nail tech and almost every client asks me, “When are you having children?” And I know that they mean well but it’s like a stab in the heart every time they ask. It’s hard because I don’t want to share every detail of my life with them, but how do you answer that question? I’ve ended up with, “My husband and I would love to start a family, until now we haven’t been lucky but hopefully it’ll happen in the future, until then we are enjoying our lives” Most people understand and don’t ask anymore questions. It makes me feel more in control of the conversation and my emotions, keeping positive thoughts about the situation.
Im sending you lots of patience and strength 💖 Everything will be ok 💓

@Kaybee1989 maybe it’s because I’ve experienced/experiencing infertility but I would never dream of asking someone if they’re going to have children or have more. Don’t get me wrong I’m pretty nosy 😂 but I feel like there’s a line and that crosses it. Or maybe I’m too much of a pride haha.

It’s just such a horrific feeling. You just want the ground to swallow you up there and then. I was at a Christening last month and my best friends other friend (who’s 7 months pregnant with her 3rd) comes up to me, all while rubbing her belly and just said “so when’s the next one?”. I’m not great with hiding my feeling on my face and I obviously let the poker face slip as I could see my best friend next to me go pale 😂she obviously knows what’s going on and thought ah crap!! I just responded “one day maybe” and then ransacked the children’s sweet table to make myself feel better.

I hope it all works out for you 🩷

😂 Sweets make everything better!
The times when I find it the hardest is when I bump into someone who doesn’t take care of themselves i.e. alcohol abuse & drug abuse, and they’re pregnant. 😔 It just seems like a kick in the guts how unfair life seems to be. But we can’t wallow in that sadness for too long, we have to stay positive and stay focused on our own lives and goals 💪
If you don’t mind me asking, where are you in your journey? I’m on my second FET and in the TWW 🤞🏻

@Kaybee1989 sweets solve all life issues 😂 yes that is the worst thing!!

We’ve barely started ours yet. We have my AMH bloods, partners semen analysis, my scan and consultation appointment next month. I’ve just had my full blood count and TSH bloods. Got my progesterone bloods on Monday. So barely scratched the surface 😂

Ahh all the luck to you!! Fingers crossed baby sticks x

Rant away @Cornish13. I think secondary infertility is something so many people don't know about, so they think if you're got one child then surely you can have another if you want one. We've just finished our final, unsuccessful round of IVF. I'm not sure what I'll do if/when someone asks if we're having another - like you my answer up to now was 'maybe', but now the true answer is 'no' and it's heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope one day you can answer those questions in the way you want to.

@BirdIsland it’s so hard isn’t it! My friends try to be supportive but saying stuff like “at least you have *” or “just relax and it’ll happen again”. They just don’t understand. It doesn’t help when my daughter always points out other children with siblings and asks for one, it breaks my heart. She done it the other day and I had to walk off crying. Luckily my partner was there and he took over but it’s so hard. It’s such a hard feeling to describe as well.

Im so sorry it didn’t work out for you. I won’t pretend to know what to say as I really don’t know as nothing will make it easier. I hope in time it’ll get easier for you x

Thanks @Cornish13, yeah the "relax and it'll happen" is infuriating, firstly how are you meant to relax over something that means so much, and secondly that's not how actual infertility works.

@BirdIsland exactly! We can relax as much as we like but doesn’t mean my partners sperm is going to magically start working 😂 or I get the “you’ve already got a child, you’re not suffering infertility” that’s kind of the point of secondary infertility actually 🙄😂