Infertility/egg freezing at 43?

[oceangreeneyes]

Please no mean comments as I already know I am being somewhat unreasonable. I am 43 and am booking an appointment with an endocrinologist to see if I have any viable options left for having a biological child. I had undiagnosed autism until 38 and had undiagnosed pre menstrual dysphoric disorder all my life until a couple of years ago which has made my life miserable. It's been a struggle in a lot of ways and I always thought IVF would send me over the edge (with my PMDD) so I ruled it out but I feel I've ruled myself out of a lot of what life has to offer as I didn't think I deserved it - Job career, relationships. I don't want to have a child on my own with a donor and I am single. I just want to try and buy myself a couple more years incase I meet someone and then do want to have kids.

I am aware that even in eggs retrieved from someone over 40, live births are extremely low so it's still a long shot.

Even if it didn't work then I would be able to know that I tried to do everything to keep the option open. At 43 it's unlikely there are viable eggs but I want to know either way (I do know someone who had a natural 'accident' pregnancy at 45). I just want to give it a shot but, equally I know that many of these clinics prey on the hopes of women.

But AIBU to, at this late hour, have a little hope and want to take control of my life and options.

I don't think this is about what is reasonable or not. A lot of us have a strong wish to have children, that's nit unreasonable at all.

The main issue you will face is that eggs retrieved at age 43 may be poor quality or they may struggle to retrieve viable eggs, and egg freezing isn't as successful as embryo freezing in general.

It's not just about how good the eggs are once extracted - Once eggs are frozen they can only be used by IVF or ICSI, and the success rates of IVF are low after age 43 and drop lower after Age 45. It sounds like you're aware of that, and tgat's the main thing.

The NHS unfortunately doesn't offer fertility preservation based on age - for most CCGs it still has an age cutoff and will tend to be provided only if you have a treatment or condition that will end your fertility. And for single people the options are often limited on I the NHS, which is unfair. So I think you're unlikely to get those choices on the NHS.

Now, given you'll be paying privately for that opportunity, whether you choose that path is entirely up to you. Nobify can tell you what to do, and I think each of us needs to think carefully about what we would regret.

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to keep that option open, as long as you know that there are no guarantees. For any of us, whatever our age. I gave friends who've frozen eggs and aren't sure if they will ever use them. Sometimes it's worth paying just to keep the option.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Hi OP, you’ve had a very considered response from @Tintinuviel whose advice I would echo.
I would also say you may benefit from some kind of talking therapy to work through your feelings.
You don’t want to parent alone, if you have the chance, but it’s an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself and potentially a new relationship.

It’s not impossible but the chances are very slim as you know so maybe some time to consider if you do go ahead have a cut off in mind and don’t use all your savings - perhaps use some on other things that you felt undeserving of.
Good luck.

Very sound advice already.

The only thing I would add that you mentioned private clinics preying on women’s hopes, I’ve found them to be on the contrary to be honest. Anyone who goes to them usually has little or no other options and I have always found them to offer good information with rationales to what they’d recommend. Though they are private, they are governed by multiple regulatory bodies and ethically bound. Not to mention that it’s not in their interest to blindly harvest eggs if they would not be viable, they have to provide stats on their success rates etc after all.

Hope this alleviates some feelings of vulnerability on that front and good luck with it!