Getting cold feet and anxious about IVF

[Englishrose35]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some support and reassurance I guess.

We have been TTC just over a year and are very lucky that referral and NHS funding has moved quickly and we are starting IVF ICSI in September when next period starts. I'm almost 36 with PCOS and I think short luteal phase (late ovulation and then period starts shortly after). DH has low motility and low morphology. They've said it could happen naturally but may take longer.

I'm suddenly really anxious and getting cold feet about IVF and can't really believe I'm at this point (we are very lucky that referral etc happened quickly). We get one cycle on NHS.

My main worries/ fears are:

• medication and procedure side effects - really worried about OHSS (il be on antagonist protocol and low doses because of PCOS)
• managing appointments alongside work. Have made them aware but I'm just dreading the whole process
• worried that it won't work and the upset and disappointment that comes with it.

We are able to afford more (private) cycles if NHS funded round does not work. I know I need to go in with a more positive mindset and tbh I've found TTC and getting period every month really awful, so at least this might improve chances especially with male side and ICSI. But I'm so worried it will all fail.

Any advice or similar experiences?
Thanks

Anyone??

It's a valid feeling, it almost feels like the last option so if it fails like a nail in the coffin. However, I found it so much better mentally doing ICSI than TTC and getting nowhere every month. To be actually doing something so proactive for me was so much better than the what ifs and agonising over diet, exercising or not exercising, taking it easy versus being more active during two week wait etc etc.

Your clinic will try and avoid OHSS at all costs by tailoring your round, there will be some side effects like bloating and hormonal moods and tiredness etc, and tenderness after egg collection.

It sounds like you've got the scope for a few rounds so can take the first round as a test and learn one (we went in with that mindset and it worked first round so we were very lucky and surprised!) Best of luck with your round, you're very brave to be doing it in the first place, and I remember that feeling of disbelief that I was actually doing IVF too, never thought I'd be doing it.

To add sorry I didn't tell work officially, told a close friend who works with me who would swap days or cover me last minute but in hindsight it woukd have been easier to have works support and not feel sneaky! And I chose not to tell family which made it an easier process (though I lived miles from family) so I didn't have people requesting updates or add to the disappointment if it didn't work. Our first transfer didn't work l, the fresh one, but the frozen one two months later from the same round did :) it was nice not to have to tell anyone that it hadn't worked.

Agree with pp, doing something proactive helped me a lot more than the never ending rollercoaster of cycles. Ivf is a very daunting journey and isn’t for the faint hearted, you do (I did anyway) put all your hopes and dreams into it and if it fails you are heart broken for sure but you realise in time just how strong and resilient you are, you will dust yourself off, with wine, and start again 😊
we were also lucky enough to conceive in cycle 1, then trying for a sibling resulted in 2 failures and one very unexpected mmc, but now currently 19 weeks with no 2. Most clinics offer fertility counselling so I would recommend this for sure, I didn’t tell work for the first time - I wfh with flexi working tho so could easily hide it,but did for no 2 as the failures meant I needed a bit of time off on compassionate.

I won’t lie- it was hard, very hard, mentally more than physically but you do whatever you need to get to that end result and depending on how arduous it is, you may come out the other side a different version of you that went in- I know I did- but 100% worth it in my opinion, and I always thought throughout the regret of not trying would eat me up way more down the line than throwing all I possible could at it whilst my age and financial situation allowed

good luck 💕

I would start immediate IVF. At your age and your DH's issues you have to start asap. I started this journey at your age and unfortunately you never know, on the process they may find more issues.

IVF is gruelling but it's better than probably waiting years after years of TTC without doing anything about it.

I often feel as you do! I would say take it one step at a time (which is what I'm trying to do so I don't get overwhelmed), each day and each appointment take it in small steps 👏

That's what is working for me right now and I have started my meds with possible EC next week 🙏