Is this the reason?

[AlertPlumEagle]

Should I tell him? Is this blocking my fertility?

I’m 37. All tests for both have come back fine even more bespoke ones like APS and DNA fragmentation.

When I was 19 I had an abortion. When I met my now husband he randomly asked me (on our second date!) and I lied and said no as I didn’t want to get into it. fast forward 9 years and now we have been to so many apts where I have said ‘no’ when asked had I been pregnant before. I’m not ashamed of the abortion due to the circumstances I was in at the time - despite wanting a baby now I would make the same choice again so do not want to be judged on this.

I am thinking I should come clean and tell my husband but it just feels like such a big lie and I think it would ruin our relationship. Do you think the weight of this lie is causing my infertility? I would rather not tell him.

I don’t know if you should tell him, only you can decide that. I also don’t know if he specifically asked on your date if you had ever been pregnant, or asked specifically about abortion (maybe due to his beliefs).

I don’t believe this is stopping you from getting pregnant. Some people will fall into a trap of thinking like that because infertility can mess with your head. Perhaps you can discuss it confidentially with a counsellor to help you come to a decision or just to have a safe space to talk.

@AlertPlumEagle I personally don't think you need to tell him. IMO it is intrusive and personal to ask that question on a second date. A decision you made, many years ago that was in your best interest and about your body before you even met him is, in the nicest way possible, none of his business. I love my dh dearly but I don't share everything with him and would be very angry if he had an opinion on a decision I made about my body before we even met.

Do not beat yourself up over this, and it is absolutely not the reason you are struggling with infertility. If you were concerned there was a physical impact that is causing your infertility you could always speak to a dr privately but this is very unlikely unless you suffered a serious infection at the time.

I would put it out of your mind, sometimes you make decisions for yourself and have to put yourself first. Sending love.

I don't think an abortion would cause infertility. Also I don't think you should tell him it should not matter

Abortions are very safe if performed by licensed practitioners, are not linked to infertility. So it almost certainly has no bearing on your current fertility situation.

We can't tell you whether to tell your partner. Is he anti choice and would it be a dealbreaker for him? Are you worried about being judged or safe? Or is it more that you didn't tell him because it was so soon in the relationship and you were caught off guard? There is no straightforward answer as it can be hard to own up to something minor that you lied about years ago.

Information from the NHS website

So glad you asked this question! I also had an abortion very young and often wonder if it has contributed to my infertility 😣