Struggling

[Sazxo]

3 years now ttcc I know people have been trying longer and this isn't a sympathy post .

I'm struggling mentally with constant appointments , workColleagues shoving it in my face that there kids are having baby's and constantly saying they haven't had to try long and that they had 5 kids at my age ect always asking me when I'm having kids and that I need to hurry up ( if they only knew )

I feel like a failure ( I know I'm not the only one going through this ) .

It's making me miserable and kind of envy of others and I'm not normally that type of person I'm the opposite .
Can anyone recommend anything that helped them mentally when ttcc and going through fertility issues ?
Thanks for reading

Im so sorry to hear of your struggles, unfortunately I can’t offer any advice on how to overcome this but just wanted to say, hang in there, your time will come, miracles do happen.
We tried for 7 years and eventually started IVF. After several unsuccessful attempts we got pregnant and now have a beautiful baby boy.
I was 38 starting IVF, 39 getting pregnant and 40 having my son so I completely understand how you feel.
Easier said than done but try to stay positive and stress free, I’m sure your time will come soon.
Good luck x

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling, I know the frustration and challenges of infertility very well. Other people getting pregnant and talking about their kids is the worst part in all of this... I'm not a jealous person either, but recently a friend and also a family member announced that they're pregnant and I couldn't cope with the news. I had physical symptoms where I felt like I was going to pass out, I was so upset. I wish people with kids were more sensitive towards those who can't have them. And why do they have to mention how quickly they managed to conceive? I've had this from people and found it bizarre. If you can, tell them how you feel but it's such a difficult to thing to communicate. It sounds silly to say "don't talk about your children in front of me". I'm not sure I can offer any good advice, but I'm trying various coping strategies myself, such as enjoying the outdoors, yoga & meditation, and generally just trying to distract myself with activities as much as I can. I like Kendra Tolbert's Youtube channel, there's various videos on fertility as well as yoga classes (not sure it's your sort of thing). I also had a couple of appointments with a fertility counsellor which somewhat helped. And there are many days when I don't want to leave the house and see anyone, and that's fine too, the main thing is that we take care of ourselves. I hope you find a way to feel better. If you don't find it immediately, don't blame yourself because you're going through a hard time. Are you doing IVF btw?

@Sazxo Sorry to hear, it’s a tough experience. I’m in the middle of my third ivf round so I get it. For me personally I do find if I avoid babies and big social groups and instead just focus on each day and exercise and trying to focus on myself, it does help. I’m hard on myself for it because I want to have more of a social life etc but we just need to remember this is just a season of life. Everyone has their struggles, at the moment this is ours. It will get better. ☀️

Thankyou for your kind comments

@Sazxo I am so sorry you are struggling, all your feelings are completely normal and valid given the circumstances. Don’t know if it’s of your personality, but I’ve found that every person that makes a comment regarding “when are you having children”/“you should have children, it’s the greatest thing” - I find that if I bluntly tell people - I always start with, “you know it’s a bit inappropriate to be questioning me like that but if you must know - my husband and I have health problems, so I don’t know if it will happen” or “age IS a problem, my husband and I hadn’t met and I didn’t feel like I could raise a child by myself so now fertility treatment is needed for my case, would you like to donate to the cause?” - in addition, when close family pressures I remind them that my husband and I live far away and have no one to support us with childcare and financially so we are struggling with life/health whilst managing fertility treatments. I find that despite being annoyed to have to respond to such questions, doing it so bluntly became a guarantee that people would be more cautious/mindful and a bit ashamed to be prying on the subject. And if people continue to be inappropriate saying “oh, it happened so fast for me” my response is always “oh, aren’t you lucky? Must be great to be able to brag like that and never have to worry about whether you will ever fall pregnant? Or carry a pregnancy to term? Suffer miscarriages? Pass on genetic disorders to your children, etc - don’t even start me with the “just adopt” thing, life is not as simple as some people make up to be.

I feel if you are able to remain calm and give a response whilst being firm about your beliefs, put people on their place, on how inappropriate it is to be questioning on private matters like these, then these people get a reality check that is much needed even if in return you have to share more than you wanted! The truth is, we carry a stigma and feel a bit ashamed to talk about it when in reality there are MANY (1 in 6) of us in the infertility boat. In the ideal world people should know better than to question others about these matters, and one should only share if they feel comfortable doing it so (and I appreciate if that might not be you), but until then I feel like a LOT of us need to be brave to share our feelings and set boundaries with others whilst giving them a taste/educate them on OUR REALITY!

PS: I don’t know if that’s your case, but it’s also valid to point out how male partners don’t get questioned as much as women do! Early on in my relationship I have also answered “my husband - then fiancé - doesn’t want children at this moment (maybe ever), what do you suggest I do, separate/ divorce?” That also gave his mum and a few of my cousins and work colleagues a reality check, they have been 🤐 since. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wishing you the very best on your journey and hope your little miracle arrives soon 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Sazxo I normally say when asked those type of questions that I would if I could and people don’t know what to say to that and they are usually very sympathetic about it then without you needing to explain any further. I find something is triggering most days but it does help me to think well those are your kids, I don’t want your kids I want my own and it helps me not feel as bad but I also try to remember that only some people find it easy and a lot of people don’t they just don’t talk about what they went through to get to the end result. 2 years of ivf I’m still here in this and all you can do is keep going. I find exercise helps me keep focus and not get too down in those thoughts but it depends what day you ask me to be honest not every day is a good one x

Thank you lovely best of luck to you too