Natural BFN after successful IVF with 6 month old

[StaceyWS88]

Can I just vent in what I hope is a safe space?

After 3 failed rounds of IVF (including the first round, no viable eggs, second round, BFN, frozen transfer, chemical) we finally got our baby boy who is now 6.5 months old. It’s been really difficult for me. My MH has suffered massively through infertility and I had a really difficult pregnancy, not really being able to enjoy it, always waiting for something to go wrong, and that’s continued a bit into motherhood, to the point where up until now I’ve said I wouldn’t have any more because it’s all been so hard.

Since IVF I’ve had some issues where I haven’t been able to have sex (possible vaginismus, I think that’s what it’s called?) We finally had sex 12 days ago and honestly didn’t even think about protection, I suppose because it’s never happened naturally before! I noticed on Ovia the day we did do it was my (apparent) peak ovulation day and I’d had EWCM so was like oh, immediate reaction was panic, because you do hear stories! Fast forward to now and I’ve had heartburn, my resting heart rate has gone up loads the last two weeks and I was like oh god, I’m pregnant again. Did a test (clearblue early, I know, not the best but you can never get FRERs out and about anymore!) and it was negative and all of a sudden I’m devastated! I ordered some cheap sensitive pink dyes online and have tested 3 times in the past 12 hours 😳 how am I back here?! I thought I was past all this and now all of a sudden I want to contact the clinic and find out the cost of a frozen transfer, which realistically we are nowhere close to affording. I’m like, is it just so deeply ingrained in me to want to see two lines that I’m forgetting that I’m always sleep deprived, stressed, and while I absolutely adore my gorgeous little boy and I’m so grateful that we managed to have him, that I start counselling this afternoon because I’m struggling?

I don’t know what the point in this post was, I just wanted to get it all out, so thanks to anyone who read!

@StaceyWS88 Congrats on your baby, but sorry to hear you've had a tough pregnancy. There is lots of evidence out there showing that conceiving again within the first 12 months post partum increases your risk of pregnancy complications (for you and baby). Most advice is to wait 18-24 months before conceiving again. You may also find that your clinic has its own policy about how soon after birth they'd be willing to consider further treatment as being appropriate. If your periods have already returned, it would be worth having a proper, logical discussion with your partner about family planning. It sounds like you have your own mental health to consider here as well when deciding what's right for your family.

I think its quite normal to have that urge for more babies, but you also need to put on your logical hat a bit. I'm 29 weeks pregnant with a sibling for DD, who was 16months when we conceived on our first FET try for a sibling. It has been really challenging managing first trimester symptoms, we were still breastfeeding and my milk supply dried up completely, and its been much more tiring than my pregnancy with DD. You need to very much be prepared physically, emotionally and financially for a another baby. I couldn't imagine how I would possibly have managed another pregnancy when DD was under 12months. We have 1 frostie left and that urge is still there ("what if we had a third?") even though 90% of my logical side feels quite at peace with this being our last baby.

At the end of the day though, you do what's right for your family.